*CAUTION: This review contains spoilers for Star Trek Into Darkness. If you haven't seen it and wish to do so, proceed with caution.*
The perils of rebooting entertainment franchises is that you have two things to do to make it worthwhile.
One is keeping the old fanbase happy, and the other is drawing in a new one to supplement it. These factors are important in making a workable construct from the ashes, because it is no point in making it if everyone who loved the old version hates it and the new crowd are similarly rendered uninterested.
JJ Abrams seems to be becoming a go-to man for success with this, given he is entrusted with the anticipated Star Wars re-boot to go with the succesful Star Trek reboot. He was given the keys to the Starship Enterprise for it's 2009 re-boot, which was a great success. Four years down the line and the adventures of Kirk, Spock, Uhura et all continue to an even stronger buzz.
We're beamed into the action mid-adventure, with Kirk (Chris Pine) running across planet Nibiru before bailing out Spock (Zachary Quinto), who is in a deep spot of bother in the middle of an erupting volcano.
Although he bails out Spock before the half-Vulcan is swallowed by a volcano-cancelling bomb, Kirk violates 'the prime directive' by allowing the planet's people to see the USS Enterprise, which is duly worshipped by them. As a result, Kirk is demoted to First Officer while Spock is shifted to another craft.
Not that it's going to be a smooth ride in his new position, with rogue Starfleet agent John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch) running amok. Harrison manipulates a man into unwittingly blowing up a secret base in 23rd century London, before heading over to California to take out the council.
As an Englishman, it is amusing to see the idea London in 2253 would still have Big Ben, St. Pauls' Cathedral and the Gherkin. The city is also extremely well-visualised, as is a mesmerising explosion of both the secret base and the Starfleet HQ. This leads to the death of many officers, including Kirk's mentor Admiral Pike (Bruce Greenwood).
This duly leads to a chase on Kronos, home of famous Star Trek villains The Klingons. However this is where some of the weakness rears. For a supposedly formidable and dangerous species, it is ridiculously easy for Harrison - with a little help from Kirk and Spock - to take them out.
Beyond the main heroes and villain, a lot of the characters are fairly clunkily written. It's almost a disservice to the main people and the beautifully realised landscapes that it's tricky to engage with everyone else.
Luckily, then, that the main cast get the bulk of the camera-time and perform well. The central Kirk and Spock relationship is in full strength, as is the adjoining relationships with Uhura (Zoe Saladana). The triumvulate of Pine, Quinto and Saldana certainly do their best to enact their legendary roles and pin the juggernaut to the ground.
Other standouts aboard the Enterprise are Dr. McCoy (Karl Urban), who delivers a stream of sarcastic barbs as the counter to Kirk, and new recruit Carol Marcus (Alice Eve), who is impressive in depicting a quite impressive combination of varying roles. A fairly amusing Scottish accent aside, Scotty (Simon Pegg) also provides a great feeder line.
Harrison is duly captured rather than killed as ordered. In captivity, he drops the mask, revealing himself as legendary Star Trek villain Khan. He says he is the ambassador for a crew frozen in deep space after a long galactic war, with the 72 men of said crew frozen and hidden into the Enterprise's torpedos.
This sees the usual flip-flop so common in film, where the crew are trying to help Khan defeat the seemingly evil boss of Starfleet only to find out they were unwittingly aiding his evil scheme and damaging their own side.
Saying that, the fact the head of Starfleet was about to down the Enterprise in a ship co-designed with Khan didn't exactly point to a wholly-honest chap behind the keys.
Khan duly downs the Enterprise, with only some near-fatal (in the end) action preventing the ship crashing into the seas of Earth.
However, the last thing the Enterprise crew did before being blown out of orbit was to detonate the torpedos, thus seemingly killing the stored humans (ultimately they don't as they'd been covertly moved). As a result, an enraged Khan deliberately flies the big Starfleet ship into San Francisco. This leads ultimately to a Spock vs Khan fight.
One person at the showing said it was like "the ultimate fan-fiction" but it is very well-realised, both in terms of plot and the eventual fight atop of a thriving and bustling 23rd century city.
There's a few quirks and quibbles but ultimately this is a very satisfying continuation of a surprisingly impressive reboot. It certainly has the pieces set to boldly go where no trilogy film has gone before - a 3rd film that surpasses the others.
3.5/5
Friday, 31 May 2013
Sunday, 26 May 2013
Muse: The Unsustainable Tour - Live Review
You would think after so many years of trying to push the boat out Muse would run out of boats to push out.
The giant video screens and risers. The video satellite/blenders and pylons. The humungous array of satellites and antenna later converted into video screens. Three skyscrapers. A pyramid so huge it needed an aircraft warning light. A similarly huge pyramid hung upside down from the roof of the venue.
Somewhere out there Muse must have a warehouse stacked with a shedload of old props. But is that gonna stop them putting on an even huger show? Hell no.
Details about the band's biggest ever tour in terms of dates - 20 shows are planned in May-July across Europe in big stadiums, parks and the like - have been sketchy. However the advance buzz ahead of last week's opening night in Coventry was big after Muse's pyro testing was mistaken for the stadium being on fire.
The pyro is evident straight from the off. Opener "Supremacy" is preceded by a humungous explosion from the middle of the park and bursts of fire from the roof of the stage. It is a tremendous opener to the show, that whips the crowd into a frenzy before - belatedly, after Matt Bellamy confused his songs - "Supermassive Black Hole" tips them into overdrive.
Far from resting on their laurels, band and an exceptionally energetic crowd alike bounce further. The euphoric "Bliss" comes on the back of the funky "Panic Station", and before the surprisingly boisterous "Resistance".
Performance pieces seem to be Muse's new thing, with some success and some not. The success comes when "Animals" concludes with a caricature of a banker throwing custom-notes at the crowd before collapsing. This works a treat as it fits in with the visuals and the song's narrative. However a bizarre interlude during "Feeling Good" of a businesswoman dousing herself in 'petrol' and drinking from the pump is a bit more weird and not as fitting.
Counteracting this are the usual favourites. "Knights of Cydonia", once again with it's harmonica intro, sends the entire stadium into a state of frenzied delirium. It gets so outlandish Matt even feels moved to comment "it's like Fight Club down there" before starting the next song.
Recent singles "Madness" and "Follow Me" also maintain their charm as they work into the live cannon, but in keeping with a die-hard crowd, they are eclipsed in reaction by the heavy rush of 2001 non-album single "Dead Star".
A healthy reaction also accompanies Chris Wolstenholme taking the mic into the crowd for "Liquid State". This is one of many 2nd Law songs to evolve into hugely impressive live numbers - a vast improvement on The Resistance, where a number of songs failed to work live.
The first real mis-step comes in the encore, as the awful "Guiding Light" is dusted off after 2 years out. Quite why this dull cod-U2 nonsense returned when other hits went absent is a tricky one to explain.
This song came in a B-stage encore, which includes returns for "Unintended" and "Blackout" in a rerun of the chill encore from the HAARP tour. There's also an acrobat for the second one, albeit on a giant light-bulb rather than an inflated sphere this time.
The other major prop comes during "Unsustainable", when a giant 10-ft tall robot wheels onto the stage. On YouTube and in images it looks pretty poor but in a stadium, with the lights down low and surrounded by sinister red lights and pyro, it looks spectacular. Plus the song has evolved into a monster, with crunching bass and a crazy guitar riff.
A one two of "Plug in Baby" and "Survival", replete with more pyro, would be the perfect end to any gig. But Muse aren't down, with a final one-two of "Uprising" and "Starlight" ending it off.
"Starlight" isn't really the best choice for a closer, and it is certainly disappointing Bellamy has left it to keyboardist Morgan Nicholls to play guitar. This is a trick he also pulled on "Blackout", where Wolstenholme was handed the six strings.
But these, thankfully, can be overlooked in the wake of a wonderous and delightful show. The musicianship and showmanship is thankfully still here in exceptional abundance, and every song sounds massive.
It's awesome to see that they still have ideas left in the tank and can still captivate stadiums in such a manner. But what's next? Well... who knows?
4/5
Also in support were two more poppy acts than many fans would expect. Dizzee Rascal was the controversial choice for headline support. His brief as being the warm-up for the filling up crowd was more than filled, with a final one-two of "Holiday" and "Bonkers" sending the crowd into hysteria. Rascal and his fellow MC This despite the fact it just sounded way off and just didn't work in the stadium.
The other support is the more recently successful Bastille. They delivered a pleasing set, if not quite as good as
The giant video screens and risers. The video satellite/blenders and pylons. The humungous array of satellites and antenna later converted into video screens. Three skyscrapers. A pyramid so huge it needed an aircraft warning light. A similarly huge pyramid hung upside down from the roof of the venue.
Somewhere out there Muse must have a warehouse stacked with a shedload of old props. But is that gonna stop them putting on an even huger show? Hell no.
Details about the band's biggest ever tour in terms of dates - 20 shows are planned in May-July across Europe in big stadiums, parks and the like - have been sketchy. However the advance buzz ahead of last week's opening night in Coventry was big after Muse's pyro testing was mistaken for the stadium being on fire.
The pyro is evident straight from the off. Opener "Supremacy" is preceded by a humungous explosion from the middle of the park and bursts of fire from the roof of the stage. It is a tremendous opener to the show, that whips the crowd into a frenzy before - belatedly, after Matt Bellamy confused his songs - "Supermassive Black Hole" tips them into overdrive.
Far from resting on their laurels, band and an exceptionally energetic crowd alike bounce further. The euphoric "Bliss" comes on the back of the funky "Panic Station", and before the surprisingly boisterous "Resistance".
Performance pieces seem to be Muse's new thing, with some success and some not. The success comes when "Animals" concludes with a caricature of a banker throwing custom-notes at the crowd before collapsing. This works a treat as it fits in with the visuals and the song's narrative. However a bizarre interlude during "Feeling Good" of a businesswoman dousing herself in 'petrol' and drinking from the pump is a bit more weird and not as fitting.
Counteracting this are the usual favourites. "Knights of Cydonia", once again with it's harmonica intro, sends the entire stadium into a state of frenzied delirium. It gets so outlandish Matt even feels moved to comment "it's like Fight Club down there" before starting the next song.
Recent singles "Madness" and "Follow Me" also maintain their charm as they work into the live cannon, but in keeping with a die-hard crowd, they are eclipsed in reaction by the heavy rush of 2001 non-album single "Dead Star".
A healthy reaction also accompanies Chris Wolstenholme taking the mic into the crowd for "Liquid State". This is one of many 2nd Law songs to evolve into hugely impressive live numbers - a vast improvement on The Resistance, where a number of songs failed to work live.
The first real mis-step comes in the encore, as the awful "Guiding Light" is dusted off after 2 years out. Quite why this dull cod-U2 nonsense returned when other hits went absent is a tricky one to explain.
This song came in a B-stage encore, which includes returns for "Unintended" and "Blackout" in a rerun of the chill encore from the HAARP tour. There's also an acrobat for the second one, albeit on a giant light-bulb rather than an inflated sphere this time.
The other major prop comes during "Unsustainable", when a giant 10-ft tall robot wheels onto the stage. On YouTube and in images it looks pretty poor but in a stadium, with the lights down low and surrounded by sinister red lights and pyro, it looks spectacular. Plus the song has evolved into a monster, with crunching bass and a crazy guitar riff.
A one two of "Plug in Baby" and "Survival", replete with more pyro, would be the perfect end to any gig. But Muse aren't down, with a final one-two of "Uprising" and "Starlight" ending it off.
"Starlight" isn't really the best choice for a closer, and it is certainly disappointing Bellamy has left it to keyboardist Morgan Nicholls to play guitar. This is a trick he also pulled on "Blackout", where Wolstenholme was handed the six strings.
But these, thankfully, can be overlooked in the wake of a wonderous and delightful show. The musicianship and showmanship is thankfully still here in exceptional abundance, and every song sounds massive.
It's awesome to see that they still have ideas left in the tank and can still captivate stadiums in such a manner. But what's next? Well... who knows?
4/5
Also in support were two more poppy acts than many fans would expect. Dizzee Rascal was the controversial choice for headline support. His brief as being the warm-up for the filling up crowd was more than filled, with a final one-two of "Holiday" and "Bonkers" sending the crowd into hysteria. Rascal and his fellow MC This despite the fact it just sounded way off and just didn't work in the stadium.
The other support is the more recently successful Bastille. They delivered a pleasing set, if not quite as good as
Friday, 24 May 2013
The Hangover 3 - Film Review
*CAUTION: This review contains spoilers for The Hangover 3. If you haven't seen it and wish to do so, proceed with caution.*
How many sequels is a sequel too many?
In an age where film franchises are endlessly spun-out to compensate for the lack of original ideas, there's the increasing number of films being made that don't really need to be.
The Hangover is a case in point. The first film, when it landed in 2009, when a stone cold success. It had many funny lines, it introduced a wealth of funny characters in the most extreme example of a relatable situation - stag party hangover - and it was well plotted.
Then came The Hangover 2. A commercial success it may well have been, but the film was a hollow mess. It felt like a cynical re-tread of the path, with the same plot but in a different city (Bangkok as opposed to Las Vegas) and nowhere near as funny.
A cynic may say this decision was built more on financial rather than creative decisions but, in any case, the 3rd film is now upon us. The prospects of The Hangover 4 seem remote at best - the film advertising is touting this as the end of the trilogy.
So, a run through of one final adventure. Question is - have they rediscovered what made them funny or was that a memory the creators can barely remember?
This film takes a rather interesting and quite ballsy tack - to ignore the pretence of being a comedy. It adopts presence of a mixture of ideas. Drug intervention, gangster film, a heist plot as complex as the Ocean's 11 film and various twists all revolving around two central characters.
This film starts not in a debauchery-filled hotel room or at a wedding missing guests embroiled in heists. Instead, it begins in a Thai prison where the film tries a little Shawshank Redemption.
Leslie Chow (Ken Jeong) is one of the main driving roles in the film. This is also a bold move, given he is a fringe character yet gets the most screen time and arguably the driving force. It's bold because he is a ball of lunacy and not one of the main Wolf Pack. He is also a more divisive figure. After all, Asian jokes get a wee bit tedious after a while, as anyone who has sat through the deteriorating-in-quality Family Guy will tell you.
Elsewhere, the rest of the group is concerned about Alan (Zach Galifianakis), who buys a giraffe and then unwittingly decapitates it, causing the closure of a freeway. This is painfully badly placed and it feels like this could be a bad omen.
The film takes a different turn when Phil (Bradley Cooper), Stu (Ed Helms) and Doug (Justin Bartha) arrive to try to help him. They convince him to check into an Arizona rehab centre, only to get crashed off the road by gangsters on the way there.
Head of the gangsters, which includes the other Doug from the first movie, is Marshall (John Goodman). He knows this group of oddballs is the link to Chow, who stole $21million in gold bars from him shortly after the events of the first movie.
A clearly angry Marshall duly takes Doug as collateral - thereby keeping him out of the film for more than a handful of scenes yet again - while giving the others 3 days to hand him Chow.
This soon leads to a trip via Tijuana to a Mexican villa, with Chow picked up along the way via a truly bizarre cover version of Hurt and some amusing concept gags involving security systems. These sequences in the villa are among the funniest in the film, with Jeong's madcap lunacy working well in tandem with Helms' exasperation.
After this, in the Mexican villa, they retrieve what they think is the $21million Chow stole. Instead, it's the other $21million from the original $42million haul, meaning Chow now has the lot.
This increases the tension, which duly leads to the return where this all began - viva Las Vegas, Nevada.
The shots here are, for a comedy, beautifully shot. It's easy to take good shots of the oasis in the desert but this feels like a true widescreen-epic for the beautiful panoramas of the Strip.
There's a clever element that takes hold here as it is a hangover of The Hangover. Various elements from the first film are tied up here, ranging from a re-introduction of Heather Graham's character and the baby that inexplicably wound up in their hotel room, to a raid on the same casino, to closure in the deserts outside Vegas.
It's a clever concept and it would make more sense as a more drama/thriller concept. However, as a comedy it feels like its missing its chances to make humour out of the situation. There are some zingers and some amusing sight-gags, but it's not full on rolling-in-the-aisles funny.
Despite this, there is enough to keep people entertained. It flows very well and there are a good few lines. But it is better to go in with lower expectations. If you're expected a knockout string-of-humour comedy based on not knowing what you did the night before, go rent the first movie.
Saying that, this sequel does not really feel that much like a sequel too far. If anything, it feels like the sequel they should have made when they did the Hangover 2 back in 2011. This is especially true when a knockout re-doing of the original Hangover sequence emerges at the end of the film, which has inspired some for a possible Hangover 4. Now that would be a sequel too far...
If this is the end, it's definitely done the franchise more justice than the last film. It also feels more like a finale, and this should put the lid on any future escapades. That is probably for the best at a film which will not be winning Oscars, but not any Razzies ever.
3/5
How many sequels is a sequel too many?
In an age where film franchises are endlessly spun-out to compensate for the lack of original ideas, there's the increasing number of films being made that don't really need to be.
The Hangover is a case in point. The first film, when it landed in 2009, when a stone cold success. It had many funny lines, it introduced a wealth of funny characters in the most extreme example of a relatable situation - stag party hangover - and it was well plotted.
Then came The Hangover 2. A commercial success it may well have been, but the film was a hollow mess. It felt like a cynical re-tread of the path, with the same plot but in a different city (Bangkok as opposed to Las Vegas) and nowhere near as funny.
A cynic may say this decision was built more on financial rather than creative decisions but, in any case, the 3rd film is now upon us. The prospects of The Hangover 4 seem remote at best - the film advertising is touting this as the end of the trilogy.
So, a run through of one final adventure. Question is - have they rediscovered what made them funny or was that a memory the creators can barely remember?
This film takes a rather interesting and quite ballsy tack - to ignore the pretence of being a comedy. It adopts presence of a mixture of ideas. Drug intervention, gangster film, a heist plot as complex as the Ocean's 11 film and various twists all revolving around two central characters.
This film starts not in a debauchery-filled hotel room or at a wedding missing guests embroiled in heists. Instead, it begins in a Thai prison where the film tries a little Shawshank Redemption.
Leslie Chow (Ken Jeong) is one of the main driving roles in the film. This is also a bold move, given he is a fringe character yet gets the most screen time and arguably the driving force. It's bold because he is a ball of lunacy and not one of the main Wolf Pack. He is also a more divisive figure. After all, Asian jokes get a wee bit tedious after a while, as anyone who has sat through the deteriorating-in-quality Family Guy will tell you.
Elsewhere, the rest of the group is concerned about Alan (Zach Galifianakis), who buys a giraffe and then unwittingly decapitates it, causing the closure of a freeway. This is painfully badly placed and it feels like this could be a bad omen.
The film takes a different turn when Phil (Bradley Cooper), Stu (Ed Helms) and Doug (Justin Bartha) arrive to try to help him. They convince him to check into an Arizona rehab centre, only to get crashed off the road by gangsters on the way there.
Head of the gangsters, which includes the other Doug from the first movie, is Marshall (John Goodman). He knows this group of oddballs is the link to Chow, who stole $21million in gold bars from him shortly after the events of the first movie.
A clearly angry Marshall duly takes Doug as collateral - thereby keeping him out of the film for more than a handful of scenes yet again - while giving the others 3 days to hand him Chow.
This soon leads to a trip via Tijuana to a Mexican villa, with Chow picked up along the way via a truly bizarre cover version of Hurt and some amusing concept gags involving security systems. These sequences in the villa are among the funniest in the film, with Jeong's madcap lunacy working well in tandem with Helms' exasperation.
After this, in the Mexican villa, they retrieve what they think is the $21million Chow stole. Instead, it's the other $21million from the original $42million haul, meaning Chow now has the lot.
This increases the tension, which duly leads to the return where this all began - viva Las Vegas, Nevada.
The shots here are, for a comedy, beautifully shot. It's easy to take good shots of the oasis in the desert but this feels like a true widescreen-epic for the beautiful panoramas of the Strip.
There's a clever element that takes hold here as it is a hangover of The Hangover. Various elements from the first film are tied up here, ranging from a re-introduction of Heather Graham's character and the baby that inexplicably wound up in their hotel room, to a raid on the same casino, to closure in the deserts outside Vegas.
It's a clever concept and it would make more sense as a more drama/thriller concept. However, as a comedy it feels like its missing its chances to make humour out of the situation. There are some zingers and some amusing sight-gags, but it's not full on rolling-in-the-aisles funny.
Despite this, there is enough to keep people entertained. It flows very well and there are a good few lines. But it is better to go in with lower expectations. If you're expected a knockout string-of-humour comedy based on not knowing what you did the night before, go rent the first movie.
Saying that, this sequel does not really feel that much like a sequel too far. If anything, it feels like the sequel they should have made when they did the Hangover 2 back in 2011. This is especially true when a knockout re-doing of the original Hangover sequence emerges at the end of the film, which has inspired some for a possible Hangover 4. Now that would be a sequel too far...
If this is the end, it's definitely done the franchise more justice than the last film. It also feels more like a finale, and this should put the lid on any future escapades. That is probably for the best at a film which will not be winning Oscars, but not any Razzies ever.
3/5
Sunday, 19 May 2013
Newcastle United Season Review 2012/13
The final whistle has been blown on the eason and, as is the case for every club, it's time to reflect on what the hell happened.
For Newcastle, it's time for the club as a whole to learn the lessons of a perplexing campaign, and what to do with it.
It does feel bizarre that a year ago, while Roberto Mancini's Man City were doing the best to mess up their Premier League title before nabbing a winner in such circumstances, we were having a lazy kick-out at Everton which could have been more meaningful if Spurs and Arsenal had both lost.
We entered the last game of last season knowing if we won, Spurs lost to Fulham and Arsenal lost at West Brom that we would have taken 3rd and a spot in the Champions League.
Nevertheless, 5th place and a place in the Europa League was a brilliant achievement. So, presumably back in summer 2012 we would have strengthened and made a push to try and either keep a spot at the top of the Premier League or give a crack at winning the Europa League, or hell even both.
Sadly, in summer 2012, we didn't.
In fact the squad was arguably weaker, with Leon Best, Peter Lovenkrands and Danny Guthrie - all first team squad players - allowed out the door.
The only two summer signings to make the first team were £6.7M Dutchman Vurnon Anita and £1M youngster Gael Bigirimana. At the time it was seen as good we'd held onto all the key men from the 2011/12 campaign, and to be fair it would have been a lot harder without them, but some players - most notably a pair of extra defenders - were still needed.
They have played a similar quantity of games, but it is most baffling Anita has struggled to get a game despite at times looking better than his more esteemed colleagues. Both him and Bigi however offer options for the future, assuming Pardew doesn't try them as wingers.
The first few weeks of the campaign were strange. We noticed things were not quite as fluent as they were last season but the results weren't too far removed from one another, with one draw replaced by one defeat by the end of September. But at this point, the seasons began to diverge.
The philosophy of not spending big on our defence bit us badly when Manchester United came to town against a defence missing Krul, Simpson, Coloccini and Steven Taylor - 4 of the previous season's first choice back 5. Three goals were duly dispatched into the black and white net.
A lack of defensive thinking has hit Newcastle hard this season. 67 goals have been put in the back of the Newcastle net, with only 6 clean sheets.
Last season the club's solid defence was a bedrock of it's success. 15 clean sheets were recorded, which meant that, while the club still posted the odd defensive collapse, it was a strong unit.
Not so this time around. There has been a very flaky feel to the back 5, with a lack of consistency and an attempt to play defensive football when we don't seem able leading to trouble.
Tactical decisions all season have been utterly baffling. Moussa Sissoko and Yohan Cabaye seem to be played the wrong way round, but Sissoko has been played as a winger, which is a position his abilities do not fit in with.
Sissoko arrived in January. He was one of five French signings made, and at £2million looks like he could well be great value. But after a great early burst, he seemed to run out of steam. Time however could well lead us to see we have a good player.
Three defenders joined. Lille right back Mathieu Debuchy and Montpellier skipper Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa are the two with the most international pedigree, costing £11.5million between them. In keeping with a frustrating season, both have been hit and miss, although Yanga-Mbiwa has looked better at full back in the absence of Davide Santon.
The over defender was £2million full back Massadio Haidara, who has offered glimpses of quality despite spending time out following Callum McManaman using his knees as a boot cleaner.
Final signing Yoann Gouffran, at £1.2million, has been an interesting one. He has provided promise in the front three but Pardew doesn't seem to rate him from a fitness point-of-view, given his frequent and unneccessary substitution of him.
At one point though the French connection looked to be giving us a platform, with the team accumulating many home wins and progress in the Europa League.
But then a sudden mauling by Sunderland saw everything collapse, and the club soon aimlessly drifted towards the finish. Somehow things were then worsened in the ineptitude stakes by a catastrophic and painful mauling by Liverpool.
A final win at QPR one week from the end ensured no relegation jitters on the last day, but it did not keep up the feeling of a wasted year. After all, fifth place to fifth bottom is a gob-smacking collapse in form.
People will argue long and hard over what it was that led to this perplexing collapse in form. The injuries, tactics, form, extra games and badly timed investment are all parts. But at the end of it all is a hugely disappointing season ultimately forged in that bleak midwinter with regular defeats to teams supposedly worse than us.
For next year, we have to figure out what is acceptable. Expectations were raised with the 2011-12 finish, then lowered just as quick following poor results against the likes of West Ham, Southampton and Reading. While Pardew and the fans continue to squabble, we all have to see where we can go from here.
Anyway, a few thoughts...
Player of the Season: James Perch. This could've gone to Ba, whose goals helped despite his departure. But Perch has been the most consistent of those who managed a whole year, and duly gets it for that.
Most Improved Player: Sylvain Marveux. Injuries gave us very little glimpses of the winger in 2011-12 but he delivered some canny performances and remains a good looking option to possess.
Most Regressed Player: Cheick Tiote. Picking this is incredibly hard as a lot of the squad has struggled this season, the odd game aside. All run and no product meant Jonas Gutierrez was a shout, while the error-prone Mike Williamson could've fit. But Tiote has often looked a waste of a shirt, and even he has admitted he has not performed to the high standards. With any luck he'll find his potential over the summer.
Best Signing: Moussa Sissoko. This is purely for his early displays against Chelsea and Southampton. But he has looked a lovely player with huge flashes of potential, and could be a workhorse for the future.
Team Of The Season:
T. Krul - J. Perch, S. Taylor, F. Coloccini, D. Santon - Y. Cabaye, M. Sissoko, S. Marveaux - H. Ben Arfa, P. Cisse, D. Ba
Best Goal: Papiss Cisse vs Southampton. The magnificent execution to volley home the ball from the back with such precision makes it a worthy victor. The bullet from Ben Arfa against Villa gets an honourable mention.
Best Game: The 3-2 win over Chelsea. This was a great tactical performance as the Toon outwitted the European Champions, and bounced back from two great goals to secure a priceless victory.
Worst Game: 6-0 vs Liverpool. The surprise mauling at the Emirates and the pummeling at home by Sunderland were bad enough but this display was staggeringly inept on every level.
Best Moment: Alan Pardew's crowd diving at the end of the Fulham game. The thrill of the 93rd minute winner was a great enough rush but the delight on the faces of players and manager was sheer joy.
Worst Moment: The feeling of being cheated out of points by an unwitting collusion of Wigan Athletic and Mark Halsey. Watching Massadio Haidara depart on a stretcher after an unpunished assault was hard enough before an illegal goal that, had results gone a little differently, could've relegated us was hard to take. From a pure football view, the last minute defeat at Old Trafford despite dominating was also painful.
What Do We Need For Next Season: All sorts. A new striker - maybe two if Shola leaves - a new winger, a new CB if Coloccini leaves and an additional full back are the most urgent.
What We Will Probably Get: It's difficult to know. Andy Carroll is a fair shout and we will probably land some of our targets, but it's doubtful we'll land all.
What Do We Aim For: Finishing much higher than the tragic 16th place finish 2012-13 served and maybe a good domestic cup run. Time and time again so called smaller teams get there so surely one day it will be our go...
No matter what happens, next season is sure to produce more memories, talking points, drama, emotions, and the like. All we can do now is try to forget this mess before waiting until August 16th and then the madness shall return.
For Newcastle, it's time for the club as a whole to learn the lessons of a perplexing campaign, and what to do with it.
It does feel bizarre that a year ago, while Roberto Mancini's Man City were doing the best to mess up their Premier League title before nabbing a winner in such circumstances, we were having a lazy kick-out at Everton which could have been more meaningful if Spurs and Arsenal had both lost.
We entered the last game of last season knowing if we won, Spurs lost to Fulham and Arsenal lost at West Brom that we would have taken 3rd and a spot in the Champions League.
Nevertheless, 5th place and a place in the Europa League was a brilliant achievement. So, presumably back in summer 2012 we would have strengthened and made a push to try and either keep a spot at the top of the Premier League or give a crack at winning the Europa League, or hell even both.
Sadly, in summer 2012, we didn't.
In fact the squad was arguably weaker, with Leon Best, Peter Lovenkrands and Danny Guthrie - all first team squad players - allowed out the door.
The only two summer signings to make the first team were £6.7M Dutchman Vurnon Anita and £1M youngster Gael Bigirimana. At the time it was seen as good we'd held onto all the key men from the 2011/12 campaign, and to be fair it would have been a lot harder without them, but some players - most notably a pair of extra defenders - were still needed.
They have played a similar quantity of games, but it is most baffling Anita has struggled to get a game despite at times looking better than his more esteemed colleagues. Both him and Bigi however offer options for the future, assuming Pardew doesn't try them as wingers.
The first few weeks of the campaign were strange. We noticed things were not quite as fluent as they were last season but the results weren't too far removed from one another, with one draw replaced by one defeat by the end of September. But at this point, the seasons began to diverge.
The philosophy of not spending big on our defence bit us badly when Manchester United came to town against a defence missing Krul, Simpson, Coloccini and Steven Taylor - 4 of the previous season's first choice back 5. Three goals were duly dispatched into the black and white net.
A lack of defensive thinking has hit Newcastle hard this season. 67 goals have been put in the back of the Newcastle net, with only 6 clean sheets.
Last season the club's solid defence was a bedrock of it's success. 15 clean sheets were recorded, which meant that, while the club still posted the odd defensive collapse, it was a strong unit.
Not so this time around. There has been a very flaky feel to the back 5, with a lack of consistency and an attempt to play defensive football when we don't seem able leading to trouble.
Tactical decisions all season have been utterly baffling. Moussa Sissoko and Yohan Cabaye seem to be played the wrong way round, but Sissoko has been played as a winger, which is a position his abilities do not fit in with.
Sissoko arrived in January. He was one of five French signings made, and at £2million looks like he could well be great value. But after a great early burst, he seemed to run out of steam. Time however could well lead us to see we have a good player.
Three defenders joined. Lille right back Mathieu Debuchy and Montpellier skipper Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa are the two with the most international pedigree, costing £11.5million between them. In keeping with a frustrating season, both have been hit and miss, although Yanga-Mbiwa has looked better at full back in the absence of Davide Santon.
The over defender was £2million full back Massadio Haidara, who has offered glimpses of quality despite spending time out following Callum McManaman using his knees as a boot cleaner.
Final signing Yoann Gouffran, at £1.2million, has been an interesting one. He has provided promise in the front three but Pardew doesn't seem to rate him from a fitness point-of-view, given his frequent and unneccessary substitution of him.
At one point though the French connection looked to be giving us a platform, with the team accumulating many home wins and progress in the Europa League.
But then a sudden mauling by Sunderland saw everything collapse, and the club soon aimlessly drifted towards the finish. Somehow things were then worsened in the ineptitude stakes by a catastrophic and painful mauling by Liverpool.
A final win at QPR one week from the end ensured no relegation jitters on the last day, but it did not keep up the feeling of a wasted year. After all, fifth place to fifth bottom is a gob-smacking collapse in form.
People will argue long and hard over what it was that led to this perplexing collapse in form. The injuries, tactics, form, extra games and badly timed investment are all parts. But at the end of it all is a hugely disappointing season ultimately forged in that bleak midwinter with regular defeats to teams supposedly worse than us.
For next year, we have to figure out what is acceptable. Expectations were raised with the 2011-12 finish, then lowered just as quick following poor results against the likes of West Ham, Southampton and Reading. While Pardew and the fans continue to squabble, we all have to see where we can go from here.
Anyway, a few thoughts...
Player of the Season: James Perch. This could've gone to Ba, whose goals helped despite his departure. But Perch has been the most consistent of those who managed a whole year, and duly gets it for that.
Most Improved Player: Sylvain Marveux. Injuries gave us very little glimpses of the winger in 2011-12 but he delivered some canny performances and remains a good looking option to possess.
Most Regressed Player: Cheick Tiote. Picking this is incredibly hard as a lot of the squad has struggled this season, the odd game aside. All run and no product meant Jonas Gutierrez was a shout, while the error-prone Mike Williamson could've fit. But Tiote has often looked a waste of a shirt, and even he has admitted he has not performed to the high standards. With any luck he'll find his potential over the summer.
Best Signing: Moussa Sissoko. This is purely for his early displays against Chelsea and Southampton. But he has looked a lovely player with huge flashes of potential, and could be a workhorse for the future.
Team Of The Season:
T. Krul - J. Perch, S. Taylor, F. Coloccini, D. Santon - Y. Cabaye, M. Sissoko, S. Marveaux - H. Ben Arfa, P. Cisse, D. Ba
Best Goal: Papiss Cisse vs Southampton. The magnificent execution to volley home the ball from the back with such precision makes it a worthy victor. The bullet from Ben Arfa against Villa gets an honourable mention.
Best Game: The 3-2 win over Chelsea. This was a great tactical performance as the Toon outwitted the European Champions, and bounced back from two great goals to secure a priceless victory.
Worst Game: 6-0 vs Liverpool. The surprise mauling at the Emirates and the pummeling at home by Sunderland were bad enough but this display was staggeringly inept on every level.
Best Moment: Alan Pardew's crowd diving at the end of the Fulham game. The thrill of the 93rd minute winner was a great enough rush but the delight on the faces of players and manager was sheer joy.
Worst Moment: The feeling of being cheated out of points by an unwitting collusion of Wigan Athletic and Mark Halsey. Watching Massadio Haidara depart on a stretcher after an unpunished assault was hard enough before an illegal goal that, had results gone a little differently, could've relegated us was hard to take. From a pure football view, the last minute defeat at Old Trafford despite dominating was also painful.
What Do We Need For Next Season: All sorts. A new striker - maybe two if Shola leaves - a new winger, a new CB if Coloccini leaves and an additional full back are the most urgent.
What We Will Probably Get: It's difficult to know. Andy Carroll is a fair shout and we will probably land some of our targets, but it's doubtful we'll land all.
What Do We Aim For: Finishing much higher than the tragic 16th place finish 2012-13 served and maybe a good domestic cup run. Time and time again so called smaller teams get there so surely one day it will be our go...
No matter what happens, next season is sure to produce more memories, talking points, drama, emotions, and the like. All we can do now is try to forget this mess before waiting until August 16th and then the madness shall return.
Premier League 2012-13 Season Review
After a season that has verged between crawling and racing to it's end, the Barclays Premier League is over for yet another year. While the league waits to find out which of Watford and Crystal Palace will join Cardiff and Hull in next season's Premier League, all 20 teams will now reflect on their season and see what they can do to reach their new goals.
Every team has a story to tell and something they can look to build on for next season.
Manchester United
Finished: 1st (Champions)
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely. From the moment the title slipped from their fingers on the last day in May 2012, Sir Alex Ferguson's men have had one goal - to regain the trophy. Sure enough, they have done so at a canter. It's not been plain sailing but for the bulk of the campaign they had their noses in front and never looked like losing, and were worthy to deliver Ferguson's 13th, and last, Premier League title.
Star Man: Robin van Persie. Arguably the signing that clinched them the league.
Needs To Improve: Antonio Valencia. The winger has regressed badly and needs to improve vastly next year. Special mention for the extremely overrated Danny Welbeck
What's Next?: It promises to be an interesting campaign given this season was the last for Fergie, with Wayne Rooney doing his best to follow him out. David Moyes is set for an interesting first season as he seeks to prove he is the right man for the job.
Manchester City
Finished: 2nd
Can they be happy with their season?: No. The worst performance from an English team in the Champions League was bad enough but a litany of poor displays - particularly away from home - meant City were dethroned from their league title with breathtaking ease. A poor FA Cup Final showing that culminated in defeat rubbed City's noses in it as they endured a painful campaign.
Star Man: Vincent Kompany. Not quite the take-no-prisoners defender of seasons past but still a huge asset, not least given City's defence tends to fall apart without him.
Needs To Improve: A number of players have regressed. Chief among them are Joe Hart, Yaya Toure and David Silva, who have all failed to deliver anything like their championship-winning form.
What's Next?: Better showings in the league and in Europe are a prequisite. City now live in a sphere where such humiliations like this year can't be tolerated, and whoever takes charge cannot risk another season like this one.
Chelsea
Finished: 3rd
Can they be happy with their season?: They have more to happy to be about than they don't. For most of the season, Stamford Bridge has been a cauldron of hate as the stupidly unpopular Rafa Benitez replaced Roberto di Matteo. While Chelsea have fallen away from their league standings, they still have Champions League football and another trophy - the Europa League - in the bank.
Star Man: Juan Mata
Needs To Improve: The easy option for this category is Fernando Torres. However John Terry, much as he is beloved by Chelsea fans, has not been that convincing a presence. Chelsea could use thinking about their long-term proposition for a post-JT world but the centre half has not had one of his better seasons.
What's Next?: A true sense of where Chelsea are heading depends on who their next appointment is.
Arsenal
Finished: 4th
Can they be happy with their season?: Just about. 4th or bust has been the Wenger mantra for years and for vast swathes it looks like the club had hit bust. A defeat by Spurs left them adrift of the the top 4 in the wake of Champions League, FA Cup and Capital One Cup humiliation. But they returned with a great strike to fly into the Champions League spots by the time the whistle went on game 38.
Star Man: Laurent Koscielny. Surprisingly, the French defender has been a huge cornerstone of Arsenal's defence and, a few brain blips aside, has demonstrated great consistency. Theo Walcott and Olivier Giroud have also done well to help ease the blow of Robin van Persie's deprature.
Needs To Improve: Thomas Vermaelen. Supremely inconsistent defending and a lack of captains leadership has shown as the Gunners' best performances have all coincided with his absence.
What's Next?: Winning a trophy remains the ultimate goal, but cementing their top 4 spot again remains essential. For once it looks like the Gunners will spend big in the summer.
Tottenham Hotspur
Finished: 5th
Can they be happy with their season?: The season's may change but the bitter story remains identical. Despite accumulating a record points total for a single season, Spurs again conspired to throw away a great season and the season both behind Arsenal and out of the Champions League. It was a little harsh given they've spent most of the season up there, but had they not thrown away so many cheap points, things would've been differently.
Star Man: Gareth Bale. Little doubt anyone else would pip the PFA Player and Young Player of the Year to this one, given he scored a shedload of vital strikes. If he leaves Spurs they face trouble.
Needs To Improve: Emmanuel Adebayor, whose contribution for most of the campaign has been between fitful and pitiful. Spurs' lack of firepower is arguably what cost them top 4.
What's Next?: A new striker is requiried but a lot hinges on whether or not Bale sticks around. A few more players could also be useful, but the ambition will be to ensure they can finally return to the Champions League and overhaul their neighbours for the first time in generations.
Everton
Finished: 6th
Can they be happy with their season?: Yes and no. For once, Everton started a season like they ended it as they had a sensational start to the campaign. But even then, they were dropping points and then dropped more in an underwhelming second half that saw them lose out on Europe altogether. Finishing in the top 6 - above Liverpool again - is a reasonable enough thing to take solace with.
Star Man: Leighton Baines. A force from full back, who is one of the most potent attacking supply lines in current English football, with a forceful free-kick to match. Keeping him and Marouane Fellaini will be hugely key for the Toffees' ambition.
Needs To Improve: Nikica Jelavic. Having started out well to follow his fantastic early form, his performances have nosedived alarmingly over the final few months, and Everton generally perform better without him. Special mention for Jonny Heitinga, whose presence seems to make Everton's defence a lot softer.
What's Next?: The end of the David Moyes reign at Goodison Park means a new manager. Losing Fellaini and Baines, as some people fear, will be even worse. Anything could happen next season, and it all hinges on which hardy soul Bill Kenwright will appoint.
Liverpool
Finished: 7th
Can they be happy with their season?: 50-50. The first half of the season saw Liverpool struggle a fair bit, with a worst ever start and a serie of unconvincing performances seeing them struggle. But they kicked up a notch in the second half, and fans will feel a little gutted they didn't get started earlier as a few more wins could've seen them return to Europe.
Star Man: He may well be a cannibal but there is no denying Luis Suarez is a vital cog in the machine for Brendan Rodgers' side. Given he is top scorer, top assister and often looks like making things happen, it is vital he remains despite his unusual culinary habits. Phillipe Coutinho has also impressed.
Needs To Improve: Their entire midfield could use a shake up. Joe Allen offers little, Lucas seems to lack something after his injuries, Jordan Henderson is improving but still has a long way to go and Stewart Downing is still poor.
What's Next?: An assault on the top 4 may not be immediate but it is the ultimate goal. Wrestling back a top 6 place is the ultimate early goal and it could be in their reach depending on how well they apply themselves. If the last few weeks are anything to go by, they do have the chops.
West Bromwich Albion
Finished: 8th
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely. Many people had thought a post-Roy Hodgson WBA would struggle but instead, they were better. At one point they looked to be in the mood for a surprise top six challenge, but the fact they finished light years above the dropzone will please Steve Clarke and his team's fans.
Star Man: Romelu Lukaku. The Belgian striker came with a big reputation but went about bolstering it, with many goals and some grand forward play ensuring he was a huge star in a hugely impressive season for WBA.
Needs To Improve: Peter Odemwingie, although this is less a question of talent and more of attitude. The Russian-Nigerian has been a running joke all season long with a preposterously poor attitude capped off by his bizarre attempt to force through a deadline day move to QPR.
What's Next?: It all depends on how WBA go about their attack, with Lukaku set to return to Chelsea and Odemwingie more than likely departing. More of the same would work but it'll be tricky act to follow. In the long-run, keeping in the division is still a must.
Swansea City
Finished: 9th
Can they be happy with their season?: They sure can. Some pundits had foolishly thought Swansea would struggle following the departure of Brendan Rodgers for Liverpool, but Michael Laudrup created a stronger Swans team that secured a top half finish and the Capital One Cup. Job well done.
Star Man: Michu. A snip at £2milllion from Spanish side Rayo Vallecano. A great shout for signing of the seaon and a hugely key player that help fire the Swans into Europe.
Needs To Improve: Although the attitude of their ball-boys is a fair shout, Nathan Dyer's behaviour has been questionable at times and he could do better next season.
What's Next?: Once again, it's to build on. Laudrup will want to avoid repeating Newcastle's Europa League-based failings, but they'll also want to ensure another good Premier League finish. The 6 or 7 additions Laudrup has discussed will prove vital.
West Ham United
Finished: 10th
Can they be happy with their season?: They sure can. Last season's play-off winners seemed the best equipped of the promoted clubs and sure looked enough they looked like they'd never been away.
Star Man: Kevin Nolan. The experienced custodian has chipped in with many a key goal after reprising his profitable partnership with Andy Carroll, and has been a good bed rock to build a team on.
Needs To Improve: Away from home, the Hammers seem to throw their gameplans out and regularly look a poor imitation of themselves away from Upton Park. This consistency almost threatened to be their undoing, and more needs to be done to solve this.
What's Next?: Building on this season is the big touch. The obvious option is keeping Andy Carroll, but a few more players could come in handy.
Norwich City
Finished: 11th
Can they be happy with their season?: It's difficult to comment. Their season has seen two awful runs sandwich a fantastic two months unbeaten, but the important thing is that they stayed up and Chris Hughton's side summoned up the firepower when they needed it most to retain their league status.
Star Man: Robert Snodgrass. The winger has been a very potent force on the wing and looks a great option. Sebastien Bassong, previously seen as a bad luck charm following relegations with Newcastle and Wolves, has also been a great addition.
Needs To Improve: Their strikeforce. A lack of firepower at one point looked to be spelling big trouble for the Canaries, with the team drawing a lot of blanks.
What's Next?: The ultimate goal for clubs in the position of Norwich is keeping their Premier League status. To do this teaching their strikers how to find the goal or finding a big scorer - presumably the confirmed £8.5M signing of Ricky van Wolfswinkel - is a must.
Fulham
Finished: 12th
Can they be happy with their season?: Somewhat. Fulham's season has been a fairly confusing mish-mash, where the team has frequently veered from sensational to diabolical, usually in the same game. Ultimately they came in the mid-table place that everyone thought but they have offered a sense they could well have finished anywhere.
Star Man: Dimitar Berbatov. Some people feel he had something to prove after his Man United career ended but by the banks of the Thames he has looked a wonderful player, and is certainly a classy option.
Needs To Improve: The team as a whole needs to find some consistency that has been somewhat lacking. Being the first team to lose to QPR and then almost throwing away a 3-0 lead against the same opposition - coupled with handing Reading 4 points - is the worst evidence that consistency seems to elude Martin Jole's side.
What's Next?: The team is certainly in rebuild mode, as the legendary Europa League Final squad is being rebuilt. The ultimate goal for the Cottagers is finding consistency, and trying to avoid the winless sequences that made the end of the season a lot more uncomfortable then it needed to be.
Stoke City
Finished: 13th
Can they be happy with their season?: There are three different answers for the three different ways Stoke's season can be divided. Until New Year's Day they were having a great campaign, with a solid defence, top 10 and playing reasonably well. Then they fell apart for a few months, and at one point looked doomed. But a final flourish ensured they stayed up.
Star Man: If it wasn't for Asmir Begovic, Stoke would've fallen out of the league. The Bosnian international is a grand goalkeeper and keeping him is hugely key. Robert Huth remains a key defender for all his elbowing.
Needs To Improve: Stoke have been a team that have struggled for goals, with their wingplay and strikeforce both not delivering to the quantities they would've liked. With just three goals, Peter Crouch is top but is by no means alone, and both options need bolstering or encouraging in the summer.
What's Next?: All sorts of inquests will be deliberated about why Stoke's second half of the season was alarmingly shambolic. It'll be worth bolstering the team's attacking options in the pre-season before trying again next year.
Southampton
Finished: 14th
Can they be happy with their season?: More or less. The goal for Southampton was staying in the Premier League. Despite the baffling managerial sacking of Nigel Adkins, various poor defensive performances and coming close to chucking it away, they managed survival and Mauricio Pochettino has a platform to build on ahead of next season.
Star Man: Rickie Lambert. Like Grant Holt in 2011-12, an experienced English centre forward seized his chance at the big league with aplomb. Lambert however looks a better all round better option.
Needs To Improve: A litany of baffingly poor defensive performances threatened to undercut the Saints all season long, and the could use a more solid backline for next year.
What's Next?: Although Pochettino has spoke he'd love to one day lead the Saints into the Champions League, a platform needs to be constructed for that. Next season is likely to be about avoiding relegation again, although a mid-table finish would certainly be welcome by the banks of the Solent.
Aston Villa
Finished: 15th
Can they be happy with their season?: Not so much the majority as the conclusion. Things looked desperate when Chelsea, Spurs and Wigan racked up an accumulative 15-0 win over Villa in December. But soon enough, a promising young team began collecting valuable points and they soon picked up the vital points to keep their heads above water and their league status intact.
Star Man: Eyebrows were raised when £7million was splashed on Christian Benteke but that has proved far from being the case. Without his goals and his general up-front play, Villa would have been in deep trouble.
Needs To Improve: Darren Bent has looked nothing like a £24million striker, and has been deservedly kept out the team by Benteke. Shay Given could also help himself with better performances after losing his place to the impressive Brad Guzan.
What's Next?: The young players will have gained valuable experience. Although it's likely Villa are going to have to wait a long time before attempting to return to the top 6 finishes of Martin O'Neill, they have proved they're a good team and should steer clear of drop zone shenanigans next year.
Newcastle United
Finished: 16th
Can they be happy with their season?: It seems weird to be seeing a season with a Europa League Quarter Final as failure, but in terms of the league, it was an abject year. On another day, last season's surprise packages in 5th place could well have ended their season going down. Maulings by Sunderland and Liverpool, and many other displays lacking ambition, didn't help. In the end they did enough to stick around.
Star Man: James Perch may not be the most heralded of the stars in black and white but has been the most consistent and remains a good option. Despite a mid-season departure, the goals of Demba Ba proved ultimately vital in preserving the Toon's Premier League lives. Ditto those of Papiss Cisse, who took up the scoring mantle following Ba's mid-season move to Chelsea.
Needs To Improve: Alan Pardew. While he couldn't vouch for all the injuries, his tactical decisions and team selections have defied comprehension, and he has to carry the can for an alarmingly poor league season. Hardly an advert for an eight year deal. Cheick Tiote and Jonas Gutierrez are the two players whose form also dropped signifcantly.
What's Next?: It's difficult to say. The squad is full of fantastic players the club should attempt to keep but they remain fragile. Another shocking sequence like the last two months and the shaky ground beneath Pardew's feet will collapse.
Sunderland
Finished: 17th
Can they be happy with their season?: It depends on what parameters you give it. Martin O'Neill's teams lacked ambition and his poor performances ultimately cost him his job. Replacement Paolo di Canio has already lived up to his nutter tag and has had an eventful start, including a sensational victory at St. James' and a mauling by Villa. But ultimately, they stayed up so, for him, job done.
Star Man: Simon Mignolet is a great goalkeeper, and it's arguable without him in goal things would have been a lot more dicey for the Black Cats. Steven Fletcher is also not far behind, given he spent the bulk of the campaign being Sunderland's only goalscorer.
Needs To Improve: For most of the season this looked like being the extremely underwhelming Adam Johnson. But while Johnson has improved, £5million January signing Danny Graham has been very disappointing and has looked even worse. Appropriate given the Newcastle fan once said he'd rather play for Gateshead.
What's Next?: The Black Cats face a true leap into the unknown. Di Canio's only experience of the top two tiers is his 7 games, and it will be an interesting test next season to see how he adjusts to the rigour of Premier League life. It'll also be interesting to see if the players can match the rigour the manager expects.
Wigan Athletic
Finished: 18th
Can they be happy with their season?: To amend the words of a song Bono wrote for Frank Sinatra, it was one shot of happy and two shots of sad. The shot of happy was their sensational FA Cup victory, when they upset the odds to upset Manchester City and lift the trophy. However, this was immediately counteracted by relegation after eight years in the top flight. Ultimately some suspect defending was unable to bail them out and as a result it was the end of the Premier League road and their escapology acts.
Star Man: Shaun Maloney. Although he isn't always at full pelt, his presence is a huge creative presence for the Latics. Arouna Kone's first season in the league has also been a good scoring success, while Callum McManaman has looked a good future player despite his 'tackling'.
Needs To Improve: Their defending has ultimate been their downfall. A ludicrously poor rate of clean sheets and jaw-dropping errors ultimately proved the end of the road.
What's Next?: Regardless of the future of their manager, Wigan have to attempt promotion. They certainly can keep together a squad capable of bouncing straight back up, and should attempt to be up their with the best in a tricky league.
Reading
Finished: 19th
Can they be happy with their season?: Not really. Royals fans were never that optimistic they would survive, and underinvestment to a big degree ensured their squad didn't have enough quality. With Brian McDermott harshly fired, the onus now falls on Nigel Adkins to ensure their return to the Championship is a brief one.
Star Man: Adam le Fondre. Often a super-sub, the striker with a French name hit the double digits figure. His goals gave Reading brief hope in January they could stay up, and he will be key in the division below.
Needs To Improve: Pavel Pogrebnyak was a big move that promised much but ultimately did not deliver. His goal ratio was ultimately poor, and the Russian has not delivered to the aspect expected of him.
What's Next?: The big goal is to get back up. All teams relegated share this and the Royals certainly have a squad that knows they can come up. But, like the teams either side of them, they are in a tricky tier to escape from and much work will be requiried to ensure the challenge happens.
Queens Park Rangers
Finished: 20th
Can they be happy with their season?: You would be barking mad to think they would be. No wins until mid-December, with only 3 further league wins all season, from a team of overpaid lackies not giving a toss was not what was wanted. But at least Mark Hughes was right in speculating they wouldn't be in a relegation battle - pretty much all season, the battle to stay up took place above them.
Star Man: Nobody really deserves this, except possibly Loic Remy, even despite his rape charge. Who knows where they'd be if he'd been signed in the summer? Player of the Year Clint Hill has also provided a rare inspiration in a sea of mediocrity.
Needs To Improve: Everyone, in one respect or another, has disappointed. Picking one is hard, so it'd be easier to simply say that QPR, as a whole, have failed and need to improve.
What's Next?: Promotion is a goal but maybe too far as the league is a difficult one to get out of, as Wolves and Blackburn can testify.
That was it for an eventful mad-cap season. Every team's fans will have a story to tell, no matter how sad, happy or confusing it may be, and every fan will feel strange waiting for three months before the madness begins again with no World Cup or European Championship to distract them.
There are still last hurrahs, with the Champions League final and the afformentioned play-off match to see the final team to confirm promotion. But after that, the anticipation will begin for the next season and the excitement can begin now. Bring it on.
Every team has a story to tell and something they can look to build on for next season.
Manchester United
Finished: 1st (Champions)
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely. From the moment the title slipped from their fingers on the last day in May 2012, Sir Alex Ferguson's men have had one goal - to regain the trophy. Sure enough, they have done so at a canter. It's not been plain sailing but for the bulk of the campaign they had their noses in front and never looked like losing, and were worthy to deliver Ferguson's 13th, and last, Premier League title.
Star Man: Robin van Persie. Arguably the signing that clinched them the league.
Needs To Improve: Antonio Valencia. The winger has regressed badly and needs to improve vastly next year. Special mention for the extremely overrated Danny Welbeck
What's Next?: It promises to be an interesting campaign given this season was the last for Fergie, with Wayne Rooney doing his best to follow him out. David Moyes is set for an interesting first season as he seeks to prove he is the right man for the job.
Manchester City
Finished: 2nd
Can they be happy with their season?: No. The worst performance from an English team in the Champions League was bad enough but a litany of poor displays - particularly away from home - meant City were dethroned from their league title with breathtaking ease. A poor FA Cup Final showing that culminated in defeat rubbed City's noses in it as they endured a painful campaign.
Star Man: Vincent Kompany. Not quite the take-no-prisoners defender of seasons past but still a huge asset, not least given City's defence tends to fall apart without him.
Needs To Improve: A number of players have regressed. Chief among them are Joe Hart, Yaya Toure and David Silva, who have all failed to deliver anything like their championship-winning form.
What's Next?: Better showings in the league and in Europe are a prequisite. City now live in a sphere where such humiliations like this year can't be tolerated, and whoever takes charge cannot risk another season like this one.
Chelsea
Finished: 3rd
Can they be happy with their season?: They have more to happy to be about than they don't. For most of the season, Stamford Bridge has been a cauldron of hate as the stupidly unpopular Rafa Benitez replaced Roberto di Matteo. While Chelsea have fallen away from their league standings, they still have Champions League football and another trophy - the Europa League - in the bank.
Star Man: Juan Mata
Needs To Improve: The easy option for this category is Fernando Torres. However John Terry, much as he is beloved by Chelsea fans, has not been that convincing a presence. Chelsea could use thinking about their long-term proposition for a post-JT world but the centre half has not had one of his better seasons.
What's Next?: A true sense of where Chelsea are heading depends on who their next appointment is.
Arsenal
Finished: 4th
Can they be happy with their season?: Just about. 4th or bust has been the Wenger mantra for years and for vast swathes it looks like the club had hit bust. A defeat by Spurs left them adrift of the the top 4 in the wake of Champions League, FA Cup and Capital One Cup humiliation. But they returned with a great strike to fly into the Champions League spots by the time the whistle went on game 38.
Star Man: Laurent Koscielny. Surprisingly, the French defender has been a huge cornerstone of Arsenal's defence and, a few brain blips aside, has demonstrated great consistency. Theo Walcott and Olivier Giroud have also done well to help ease the blow of Robin van Persie's deprature.
Needs To Improve: Thomas Vermaelen. Supremely inconsistent defending and a lack of captains leadership has shown as the Gunners' best performances have all coincided with his absence.
What's Next?: Winning a trophy remains the ultimate goal, but cementing their top 4 spot again remains essential. For once it looks like the Gunners will spend big in the summer.
Tottenham Hotspur
Finished: 5th
Can they be happy with their season?: The season's may change but the bitter story remains identical. Despite accumulating a record points total for a single season, Spurs again conspired to throw away a great season and the season both behind Arsenal and out of the Champions League. It was a little harsh given they've spent most of the season up there, but had they not thrown away so many cheap points, things would've been differently.
Star Man: Gareth Bale. Little doubt anyone else would pip the PFA Player and Young Player of the Year to this one, given he scored a shedload of vital strikes. If he leaves Spurs they face trouble.
Needs To Improve: Emmanuel Adebayor, whose contribution for most of the campaign has been between fitful and pitiful. Spurs' lack of firepower is arguably what cost them top 4.
What's Next?: A new striker is requiried but a lot hinges on whether or not Bale sticks around. A few more players could also be useful, but the ambition will be to ensure they can finally return to the Champions League and overhaul their neighbours for the first time in generations.
Everton
Finished: 6th
Can they be happy with their season?: Yes and no. For once, Everton started a season like they ended it as they had a sensational start to the campaign. But even then, they were dropping points and then dropped more in an underwhelming second half that saw them lose out on Europe altogether. Finishing in the top 6 - above Liverpool again - is a reasonable enough thing to take solace with.
Star Man: Leighton Baines. A force from full back, who is one of the most potent attacking supply lines in current English football, with a forceful free-kick to match. Keeping him and Marouane Fellaini will be hugely key for the Toffees' ambition.
Needs To Improve: Nikica Jelavic. Having started out well to follow his fantastic early form, his performances have nosedived alarmingly over the final few months, and Everton generally perform better without him. Special mention for Jonny Heitinga, whose presence seems to make Everton's defence a lot softer.
What's Next?: The end of the David Moyes reign at Goodison Park means a new manager. Losing Fellaini and Baines, as some people fear, will be even worse. Anything could happen next season, and it all hinges on which hardy soul Bill Kenwright will appoint.
Liverpool
Finished: 7th
Can they be happy with their season?: 50-50. The first half of the season saw Liverpool struggle a fair bit, with a worst ever start and a serie of unconvincing performances seeing them struggle. But they kicked up a notch in the second half, and fans will feel a little gutted they didn't get started earlier as a few more wins could've seen them return to Europe.
Star Man: He may well be a cannibal but there is no denying Luis Suarez is a vital cog in the machine for Brendan Rodgers' side. Given he is top scorer, top assister and often looks like making things happen, it is vital he remains despite his unusual culinary habits. Phillipe Coutinho has also impressed.
Needs To Improve: Their entire midfield could use a shake up. Joe Allen offers little, Lucas seems to lack something after his injuries, Jordan Henderson is improving but still has a long way to go and Stewart Downing is still poor.
What's Next?: An assault on the top 4 may not be immediate but it is the ultimate goal. Wrestling back a top 6 place is the ultimate early goal and it could be in their reach depending on how well they apply themselves. If the last few weeks are anything to go by, they do have the chops.
West Bromwich Albion
Finished: 8th
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely. Many people had thought a post-Roy Hodgson WBA would struggle but instead, they were better. At one point they looked to be in the mood for a surprise top six challenge, but the fact they finished light years above the dropzone will please Steve Clarke and his team's fans.
Star Man: Romelu Lukaku. The Belgian striker came with a big reputation but went about bolstering it, with many goals and some grand forward play ensuring he was a huge star in a hugely impressive season for WBA.
Needs To Improve: Peter Odemwingie, although this is less a question of talent and more of attitude. The Russian-Nigerian has been a running joke all season long with a preposterously poor attitude capped off by his bizarre attempt to force through a deadline day move to QPR.
What's Next?: It all depends on how WBA go about their attack, with Lukaku set to return to Chelsea and Odemwingie more than likely departing. More of the same would work but it'll be tricky act to follow. In the long-run, keeping in the division is still a must.
Swansea City
Finished: 9th
Can they be happy with their season?: They sure can. Some pundits had foolishly thought Swansea would struggle following the departure of Brendan Rodgers for Liverpool, but Michael Laudrup created a stronger Swans team that secured a top half finish and the Capital One Cup. Job well done.
Star Man: Michu. A snip at £2milllion from Spanish side Rayo Vallecano. A great shout for signing of the seaon and a hugely key player that help fire the Swans into Europe.
Needs To Improve: Although the attitude of their ball-boys is a fair shout, Nathan Dyer's behaviour has been questionable at times and he could do better next season.
What's Next?: Once again, it's to build on. Laudrup will want to avoid repeating Newcastle's Europa League-based failings, but they'll also want to ensure another good Premier League finish. The 6 or 7 additions Laudrup has discussed will prove vital.
West Ham United
Finished: 10th
Can they be happy with their season?: They sure can. Last season's play-off winners seemed the best equipped of the promoted clubs and sure looked enough they looked like they'd never been away.
Star Man: Kevin Nolan. The experienced custodian has chipped in with many a key goal after reprising his profitable partnership with Andy Carroll, and has been a good bed rock to build a team on.
Needs To Improve: Away from home, the Hammers seem to throw their gameplans out and regularly look a poor imitation of themselves away from Upton Park. This consistency almost threatened to be their undoing, and more needs to be done to solve this.
What's Next?: Building on this season is the big touch. The obvious option is keeping Andy Carroll, but a few more players could come in handy.
Norwich City
Finished: 11th
Can they be happy with their season?: It's difficult to comment. Their season has seen two awful runs sandwich a fantastic two months unbeaten, but the important thing is that they stayed up and Chris Hughton's side summoned up the firepower when they needed it most to retain their league status.
Star Man: Robert Snodgrass. The winger has been a very potent force on the wing and looks a great option. Sebastien Bassong, previously seen as a bad luck charm following relegations with Newcastle and Wolves, has also been a great addition.
Needs To Improve: Their strikeforce. A lack of firepower at one point looked to be spelling big trouble for the Canaries, with the team drawing a lot of blanks.
What's Next?: The ultimate goal for clubs in the position of Norwich is keeping their Premier League status. To do this teaching their strikers how to find the goal or finding a big scorer - presumably the confirmed £8.5M signing of Ricky van Wolfswinkel - is a must.
Fulham
Finished: 12th
Can they be happy with their season?: Somewhat. Fulham's season has been a fairly confusing mish-mash, where the team has frequently veered from sensational to diabolical, usually in the same game. Ultimately they came in the mid-table place that everyone thought but they have offered a sense they could well have finished anywhere.
Star Man: Dimitar Berbatov. Some people feel he had something to prove after his Man United career ended but by the banks of the Thames he has looked a wonderful player, and is certainly a classy option.
Needs To Improve: The team as a whole needs to find some consistency that has been somewhat lacking. Being the first team to lose to QPR and then almost throwing away a 3-0 lead against the same opposition - coupled with handing Reading 4 points - is the worst evidence that consistency seems to elude Martin Jole's side.
What's Next?: The team is certainly in rebuild mode, as the legendary Europa League Final squad is being rebuilt. The ultimate goal for the Cottagers is finding consistency, and trying to avoid the winless sequences that made the end of the season a lot more uncomfortable then it needed to be.
Stoke City
Finished: 13th
Can they be happy with their season?: There are three different answers for the three different ways Stoke's season can be divided. Until New Year's Day they were having a great campaign, with a solid defence, top 10 and playing reasonably well. Then they fell apart for a few months, and at one point looked doomed. But a final flourish ensured they stayed up.
Star Man: If it wasn't for Asmir Begovic, Stoke would've fallen out of the league. The Bosnian international is a grand goalkeeper and keeping him is hugely key. Robert Huth remains a key defender for all his elbowing.
Needs To Improve: Stoke have been a team that have struggled for goals, with their wingplay and strikeforce both not delivering to the quantities they would've liked. With just three goals, Peter Crouch is top but is by no means alone, and both options need bolstering or encouraging in the summer.
What's Next?: All sorts of inquests will be deliberated about why Stoke's second half of the season was alarmingly shambolic. It'll be worth bolstering the team's attacking options in the pre-season before trying again next year.
Southampton
Finished: 14th
Can they be happy with their season?: More or less. The goal for Southampton was staying in the Premier League. Despite the baffling managerial sacking of Nigel Adkins, various poor defensive performances and coming close to chucking it away, they managed survival and Mauricio Pochettino has a platform to build on ahead of next season.
Star Man: Rickie Lambert. Like Grant Holt in 2011-12, an experienced English centre forward seized his chance at the big league with aplomb. Lambert however looks a better all round better option.
Needs To Improve: A litany of baffingly poor defensive performances threatened to undercut the Saints all season long, and the could use a more solid backline for next year.
What's Next?: Although Pochettino has spoke he'd love to one day lead the Saints into the Champions League, a platform needs to be constructed for that. Next season is likely to be about avoiding relegation again, although a mid-table finish would certainly be welcome by the banks of the Solent.
Aston Villa
Finished: 15th
Can they be happy with their season?: Not so much the majority as the conclusion. Things looked desperate when Chelsea, Spurs and Wigan racked up an accumulative 15-0 win over Villa in December. But soon enough, a promising young team began collecting valuable points and they soon picked up the vital points to keep their heads above water and their league status intact.
Star Man: Eyebrows were raised when £7million was splashed on Christian Benteke but that has proved far from being the case. Without his goals and his general up-front play, Villa would have been in deep trouble.
Needs To Improve: Darren Bent has looked nothing like a £24million striker, and has been deservedly kept out the team by Benteke. Shay Given could also help himself with better performances after losing his place to the impressive Brad Guzan.
What's Next?: The young players will have gained valuable experience. Although it's likely Villa are going to have to wait a long time before attempting to return to the top 6 finishes of Martin O'Neill, they have proved they're a good team and should steer clear of drop zone shenanigans next year.
Newcastle United
Finished: 16th
Can they be happy with their season?: It seems weird to be seeing a season with a Europa League Quarter Final as failure, but in terms of the league, it was an abject year. On another day, last season's surprise packages in 5th place could well have ended their season going down. Maulings by Sunderland and Liverpool, and many other displays lacking ambition, didn't help. In the end they did enough to stick around.
Star Man: James Perch may not be the most heralded of the stars in black and white but has been the most consistent and remains a good option. Despite a mid-season departure, the goals of Demba Ba proved ultimately vital in preserving the Toon's Premier League lives. Ditto those of Papiss Cisse, who took up the scoring mantle following Ba's mid-season move to Chelsea.
Needs To Improve: Alan Pardew. While he couldn't vouch for all the injuries, his tactical decisions and team selections have defied comprehension, and he has to carry the can for an alarmingly poor league season. Hardly an advert for an eight year deal. Cheick Tiote and Jonas Gutierrez are the two players whose form also dropped signifcantly.
What's Next?: It's difficult to say. The squad is full of fantastic players the club should attempt to keep but they remain fragile. Another shocking sequence like the last two months and the shaky ground beneath Pardew's feet will collapse.
Sunderland
Finished: 17th
Can they be happy with their season?: It depends on what parameters you give it. Martin O'Neill's teams lacked ambition and his poor performances ultimately cost him his job. Replacement Paolo di Canio has already lived up to his nutter tag and has had an eventful start, including a sensational victory at St. James' and a mauling by Villa. But ultimately, they stayed up so, for him, job done.
Star Man: Simon Mignolet is a great goalkeeper, and it's arguable without him in goal things would have been a lot more dicey for the Black Cats. Steven Fletcher is also not far behind, given he spent the bulk of the campaign being Sunderland's only goalscorer.
Needs To Improve: For most of the season this looked like being the extremely underwhelming Adam Johnson. But while Johnson has improved, £5million January signing Danny Graham has been very disappointing and has looked even worse. Appropriate given the Newcastle fan once said he'd rather play for Gateshead.
What's Next?: The Black Cats face a true leap into the unknown. Di Canio's only experience of the top two tiers is his 7 games, and it will be an interesting test next season to see how he adjusts to the rigour of Premier League life. It'll also be interesting to see if the players can match the rigour the manager expects.
Wigan Athletic
Finished: 18th
Can they be happy with their season?: To amend the words of a song Bono wrote for Frank Sinatra, it was one shot of happy and two shots of sad. The shot of happy was their sensational FA Cup victory, when they upset the odds to upset Manchester City and lift the trophy. However, this was immediately counteracted by relegation after eight years in the top flight. Ultimately some suspect defending was unable to bail them out and as a result it was the end of the Premier League road and their escapology acts.
Star Man: Shaun Maloney. Although he isn't always at full pelt, his presence is a huge creative presence for the Latics. Arouna Kone's first season in the league has also been a good scoring success, while Callum McManaman has looked a good future player despite his 'tackling'.
Needs To Improve: Their defending has ultimate been their downfall. A ludicrously poor rate of clean sheets and jaw-dropping errors ultimately proved the end of the road.
What's Next?: Regardless of the future of their manager, Wigan have to attempt promotion. They certainly can keep together a squad capable of bouncing straight back up, and should attempt to be up their with the best in a tricky league.
Reading
Finished: 19th
Can they be happy with their season?: Not really. Royals fans were never that optimistic they would survive, and underinvestment to a big degree ensured their squad didn't have enough quality. With Brian McDermott harshly fired, the onus now falls on Nigel Adkins to ensure their return to the Championship is a brief one.
Star Man: Adam le Fondre. Often a super-sub, the striker with a French name hit the double digits figure. His goals gave Reading brief hope in January they could stay up, and he will be key in the division below.
Needs To Improve: Pavel Pogrebnyak was a big move that promised much but ultimately did not deliver. His goal ratio was ultimately poor, and the Russian has not delivered to the aspect expected of him.
What's Next?: The big goal is to get back up. All teams relegated share this and the Royals certainly have a squad that knows they can come up. But, like the teams either side of them, they are in a tricky tier to escape from and much work will be requiried to ensure the challenge happens.
Queens Park Rangers
Finished: 20th
Can they be happy with their season?: You would be barking mad to think they would be. No wins until mid-December, with only 3 further league wins all season, from a team of overpaid lackies not giving a toss was not what was wanted. But at least Mark Hughes was right in speculating they wouldn't be in a relegation battle - pretty much all season, the battle to stay up took place above them.
Star Man: Nobody really deserves this, except possibly Loic Remy, even despite his rape charge. Who knows where they'd be if he'd been signed in the summer? Player of the Year Clint Hill has also provided a rare inspiration in a sea of mediocrity.
Needs To Improve: Everyone, in one respect or another, has disappointed. Picking one is hard, so it'd be easier to simply say that QPR, as a whole, have failed and need to improve.
What's Next?: Promotion is a goal but maybe too far as the league is a difficult one to get out of, as Wolves and Blackburn can testify.
That was it for an eventful mad-cap season. Every team's fans will have a story to tell, no matter how sad, happy or confusing it may be, and every fan will feel strange waiting for three months before the madness begins again with no World Cup or European Championship to distract them.
There are still last hurrahs, with the Champions League final and the afformentioned play-off match to see the final team to confirm promotion. But after that, the anticipation will begin for the next season and the excitement can begin now. Bring it on.
Sunday, 5 May 2013
The Newcastle United Game of Chicken...
With two games to go, Newcastle sit in a hugely uncomfortable position.
A few weeks ago, some people were touting the current haul of 38 points being potentially enough but that situation has unravelled following a victory for Wigan at West Bromwich Albion. With another limp over the line seeing Newcastle draw at West Ham, it ramps up the uncomfortable situation.
Sunderland and Wigan still have games in hand and can send the Toon Army into the bottom three by the time Sunday's clash at QPR kicks off.
It wasn't meant to be like this. On paper, the starting 11 fizzes and sparkles with electricity and talented players, and is largely still made up of the players who led the club to a hugely impressive 5th place finish in 2011-12.
Even allowing for the pile-up of reaching a Europa League Quarter Final, this team should have more than enough to keep in the top half. But something extraordinarily inept has taken control at St. James' Park, with the team resembling something closer to the shambles that dropped out of the league in 2009.
Things have been wrong all season, and fans will have been ruminating all season long as to what the problem is. Among the theories touted include failing to invest in the summer, managerial ineptitude in both tactics and motivation, players going backwards, awful luck, a preposterous injury list and reliance on 'cheese eating surrender monkies' as the press has been happy to paint this week.
Nevertheless, the momentum is not in our favour. As if the humilating derby mauling at home to Sunderland wasn't bad enough, the worst home defeat since 1925 came in the following home game when a Liverpool team missing Luis Suarez put six in the back of our net.
That game felt painful to watch - nevermind actually attend. A gutless team surrendered in the most appalling display imaginable. This led to a long and farcical week that involved the club banning one newspaper and looking into sueing another as the team were said to be falling apart.
As if that wasn't bad enough, Aston Villa - a team that have been apocalyptically bad for the bulk of the season - are now crossing the line ahead of us and yet another Wigan great escape is gathering momentum.
With just one win in seven league outings - and only three goals in that time - it is easy to get paranoid.
There is substaintially good reason for this. As well as the fact the club has continually show a lack of attacking imagination or creativity, they play in the same teamof the league's most porous defences. With us appearing to sink, it seems we need teams to cushion our fall.
This is a dangerous policy and one that is asking for trouble. A team may well cushion our fall but we cannot rely on it. The only way the Premier League status can be preserved is winning one or both of our final two games.
The fine lines in football are ridiculous. A goalline technology decision at Upton Park went against us, robbing us of 2 points that would have all-but seen us cross the finishing line. To give another bone for conspiracy theorists to chew over, assistant linesman Matthew Wilkes was the same one who ignored the assault masquerading as a tackle and a blatant handball goal in the Wigan defeat that has arguably kept them alive.
But we cannot reflect on this. We appear to be playing a game of chicken, as we stare relegation in the face. The threat is growing larger and all we seem to do is hoping we can evade it in the time.
Aside from being a dangerous game, it also points to tactical malpractice. Had we been a bit more gung-ho, we could well have secured vital points to keep us away from the dropzone. We certainly could have at least rectified our awful corner taking, with no corners producing goals directly since October 2011.
QPR promises to be a tense afternoon. A failure to win over the already relegated Hoops and we will almost certainly follow them out of the division. But it remains to be seen where goals are coming from, with Cisse seeming to only score one in five chances, while our substitutions seem to reduce our attacking threat to the point of irrelevance.
An uncomfortable and unhappy season could yet end in the worst way possible, and everything's needed to avoid another traumatic drop out of this league - one we almost certainly won't bounce back from at the first time of asking.
A few weeks ago, some people were touting the current haul of 38 points being potentially enough but that situation has unravelled following a victory for Wigan at West Bromwich Albion. With another limp over the line seeing Newcastle draw at West Ham, it ramps up the uncomfortable situation.
Sunderland and Wigan still have games in hand and can send the Toon Army into the bottom three by the time Sunday's clash at QPR kicks off.
It wasn't meant to be like this. On paper, the starting 11 fizzes and sparkles with electricity and talented players, and is largely still made up of the players who led the club to a hugely impressive 5th place finish in 2011-12.
Even allowing for the pile-up of reaching a Europa League Quarter Final, this team should have more than enough to keep in the top half. But something extraordinarily inept has taken control at St. James' Park, with the team resembling something closer to the shambles that dropped out of the league in 2009.
Things have been wrong all season, and fans will have been ruminating all season long as to what the problem is. Among the theories touted include failing to invest in the summer, managerial ineptitude in both tactics and motivation, players going backwards, awful luck, a preposterous injury list and reliance on 'cheese eating surrender monkies' as the press has been happy to paint this week.
Nevertheless, the momentum is not in our favour. As if the humilating derby mauling at home to Sunderland wasn't bad enough, the worst home defeat since 1925 came in the following home game when a Liverpool team missing Luis Suarez put six in the back of our net.
That game felt painful to watch - nevermind actually attend. A gutless team surrendered in the most appalling display imaginable. This led to a long and farcical week that involved the club banning one newspaper and looking into sueing another as the team were said to be falling apart.
As if that wasn't bad enough, Aston Villa - a team that have been apocalyptically bad for the bulk of the season - are now crossing the line ahead of us and yet another Wigan great escape is gathering momentum.
With just one win in seven league outings - and only three goals in that time - it is easy to get paranoid.
There is substaintially good reason for this. As well as the fact the club has continually show a lack of attacking imagination or creativity, they play in the same teamof the league's most porous defences. With us appearing to sink, it seems we need teams to cushion our fall.
This is a dangerous policy and one that is asking for trouble. A team may well cushion our fall but we cannot rely on it. The only way the Premier League status can be preserved is winning one or both of our final two games.
The fine lines in football are ridiculous. A goalline technology decision at Upton Park went against us, robbing us of 2 points that would have all-but seen us cross the finishing line. To give another bone for conspiracy theorists to chew over, assistant linesman Matthew Wilkes was the same one who ignored the assault masquerading as a tackle and a blatant handball goal in the Wigan defeat that has arguably kept them alive.
But we cannot reflect on this. We appear to be playing a game of chicken, as we stare relegation in the face. The threat is growing larger and all we seem to do is hoping we can evade it in the time.
Aside from being a dangerous game, it also points to tactical malpractice. Had we been a bit more gung-ho, we could well have secured vital points to keep us away from the dropzone. We certainly could have at least rectified our awful corner taking, with no corners producing goals directly since October 2011.
QPR promises to be a tense afternoon. A failure to win over the already relegated Hoops and we will almost certainly follow them out of the division. But it remains to be seen where goals are coming from, with Cisse seeming to only score one in five chances, while our substitutions seem to reduce our attacking threat to the point of irrelevance.
An uncomfortable and unhappy season could yet end in the worst way possible, and everything's needed to avoid another traumatic drop out of this league - one we almost certainly won't bounce back from at the first time of asking.
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