The final whistle has been blown on the eason and, as is the case for every club, it's time to reflect on what the hell happened.
For Newcastle, it's time for the club as a whole to learn the lessons of a perplexing campaign, and what to do with it.
It does feel bizarre that a year ago, while Roberto Mancini's Man City were doing the best to mess up their Premier League title before nabbing a winner in such circumstances, we were having a lazy kick-out at Everton which could have been more meaningful if Spurs and Arsenal had both lost.
We entered the last game of last season knowing if we won, Spurs lost to Fulham and Arsenal lost at West Brom that we would have taken 3rd and a spot in the Champions League.
Nevertheless, 5th place and a place in the Europa League was a brilliant achievement. So, presumably back in summer 2012 we would have strengthened and made a push to try and either keep a spot at the top of the Premier League or give a crack at winning the Europa League, or hell even both.
Sadly, in summer 2012, we didn't.
In fact the squad was arguably weaker, with Leon Best, Peter Lovenkrands and Danny Guthrie - all first team squad players - allowed out the door.
The only two summer signings to make the first team were £6.7M Dutchman Vurnon Anita and £1M youngster Gael Bigirimana. At the time it was seen as good we'd held onto all the key men from the 2011/12 campaign, and to be fair it would have been a lot harder without them, but some players - most notably a pair of extra defenders - were still needed.
They have played a similar quantity of games, but it is most baffling Anita has struggled to get a game despite at times looking better than his more esteemed colleagues. Both him and Bigi however offer options for the future, assuming Pardew doesn't try them as wingers.
The first few weeks of the campaign were strange. We noticed things were not quite as fluent as they were last season but the results weren't too far removed from one another, with one draw replaced by one defeat by the end of September. But at this point, the seasons began to diverge.
The philosophy of not spending big on our defence bit us badly when Manchester United came to town against a defence missing Krul, Simpson, Coloccini and Steven Taylor - 4 of the previous season's first choice back 5. Three goals were duly dispatched into the black and white net.
A lack of defensive thinking has hit Newcastle hard this season. 67 goals have been put in the back of the Newcastle net, with only 6 clean sheets.
Last season the club's solid defence was a bedrock of it's success. 15 clean sheets were recorded, which meant that, while the club still posted the odd defensive collapse, it was a strong unit.
Not so this time around. There has been a very flaky feel to the back 5, with a lack of consistency and an attempt to play defensive football when we don't seem able leading to trouble.
Tactical decisions all season have been utterly baffling. Moussa Sissoko and Yohan Cabaye seem to be played the wrong way round, but Sissoko has been played as a winger, which is a position his abilities do not fit in with.
Sissoko arrived in January. He was one of five French signings made, and at £2million looks like he could well be great value. But after a great early burst, he seemed to run out of steam. Time however could well lead us to see we have a good player.
Three defenders joined. Lille right back Mathieu Debuchy and Montpellier skipper Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa are the two with the most international pedigree, costing £11.5million between them. In keeping with a frustrating season, both have been hit and miss, although Yanga-Mbiwa has looked better at full back in the absence of Davide Santon.
The over defender was £2million full back Massadio Haidara, who has offered glimpses of quality despite spending time out following Callum McManaman using his knees as a boot cleaner.
Final signing Yoann Gouffran, at £1.2million, has been an interesting one. He has provided promise in the front three but Pardew doesn't seem to rate him from a fitness point-of-view, given his frequent and unneccessary substitution of him.
At one point though the French connection looked to be giving us a platform, with the team accumulating many home wins and progress in the Europa League.
But then a sudden mauling by Sunderland saw everything collapse, and the club soon aimlessly drifted towards the finish. Somehow things were then worsened in the ineptitude stakes by a catastrophic and painful mauling by Liverpool.
A final win at QPR one week from the end ensured no relegation jitters on the last day, but it did not keep up the feeling of a wasted year. After all, fifth place to fifth bottom is a gob-smacking collapse in form.
People will argue long and hard over what it was that led to this perplexing collapse in form. The injuries, tactics, form, extra games and badly timed investment are all parts. But at the end of it all is a hugely disappointing season ultimately forged in that bleak midwinter with regular defeats to teams supposedly worse than us.
For next year, we have to figure out what is acceptable. Expectations were raised with the 2011-12 finish, then lowered just as quick following poor results against the likes of West Ham, Southampton and Reading. While Pardew and the fans continue to squabble, we all have to see where we can go from here.
Anyway, a few thoughts...
Player of the Season: James Perch. This could've gone to Ba, whose goals helped despite his departure. But Perch has been the most consistent of those who managed a whole year, and duly gets it for that.
Most Improved Player: Sylvain Marveux. Injuries gave us very little glimpses of the winger in 2011-12 but he delivered some canny performances and remains a good looking option to possess.
Most Regressed Player: Cheick Tiote. Picking this is incredibly hard as a lot of the squad has struggled this season, the odd game aside. All run and no product meant Jonas Gutierrez was a shout, while the error-prone Mike Williamson could've fit. But Tiote has often looked a waste of a shirt, and even he has admitted he has not performed to the high standards. With any luck he'll find his potential over the summer.
Best Signing: Moussa Sissoko. This is purely for his early displays against Chelsea and Southampton. But he has looked a lovely player with huge flashes of potential, and could be a workhorse for the future.
Team Of The Season:
T. Krul - J. Perch, S. Taylor, F. Coloccini, D. Santon - Y. Cabaye, M. Sissoko, S. Marveaux - H. Ben Arfa, P. Cisse, D. Ba
Best Goal: Papiss Cisse vs Southampton. The magnificent execution to volley home the ball from the back with such precision makes it a worthy victor. The bullet from Ben Arfa against Villa gets an honourable mention.
Best Game: The 3-2 win over Chelsea. This was a great tactical performance as the Toon outwitted the European Champions, and bounced back from two great goals to secure a priceless victory.
Worst Game: 6-0 vs Liverpool. The surprise mauling at the Emirates and the pummeling at home by Sunderland were bad enough but this display was staggeringly inept on every level.
Best Moment: Alan Pardew's crowd diving at the end of the Fulham game. The thrill of the 93rd minute winner was a great enough rush but the delight on the faces of players and manager was sheer joy.
Worst Moment: The feeling of being cheated out of points by an unwitting collusion of Wigan Athletic and Mark Halsey. Watching Massadio Haidara depart on a stretcher after an unpunished assault was hard enough before an illegal goal that, had results gone a little differently, could've relegated us was hard to take. From a pure football view, the last minute defeat at Old Trafford despite dominating was also painful.
What Do We Need For Next Season: All sorts. A new striker - maybe two if Shola leaves - a new winger, a new CB if Coloccini leaves and an additional full back are the most urgent.
What We Will Probably Get: It's difficult to know. Andy Carroll is a fair shout and we will probably land some of our targets, but it's doubtful we'll land all.
What Do We Aim For: Finishing much higher than the tragic 16th place finish 2012-13 served and maybe a good domestic cup run. Time and time again so called smaller teams get there so surely one day it will be our go...
No matter what happens, next season is sure to produce more memories, talking points, drama, emotions, and the like. All we can do now is try to forget this mess before waiting until August 16th and then the madness shall return.
Sunday, 19 May 2013
Premier League 2012-13 Season Review
After a season that has verged between crawling and racing to it's end, the Barclays Premier League is over for yet another year. While the league waits to find out which of Watford and Crystal Palace will join Cardiff and Hull in next season's Premier League, all 20 teams will now reflect on their season and see what they can do to reach their new goals.
Every team has a story to tell and something they can look to build on for next season.
Manchester United
Finished: 1st (Champions)
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely. From the moment the title slipped from their fingers on the last day in May 2012, Sir Alex Ferguson's men have had one goal - to regain the trophy. Sure enough, they have done so at a canter. It's not been plain sailing but for the bulk of the campaign they had their noses in front and never looked like losing, and were worthy to deliver Ferguson's 13th, and last, Premier League title.
Star Man: Robin van Persie. Arguably the signing that clinched them the league.
Needs To Improve: Antonio Valencia. The winger has regressed badly and needs to improve vastly next year. Special mention for the extremely overrated Danny Welbeck
What's Next?: It promises to be an interesting campaign given this season was the last for Fergie, with Wayne Rooney doing his best to follow him out. David Moyes is set for an interesting first season as he seeks to prove he is the right man for the job.
Manchester City
Finished: 2nd
Can they be happy with their season?: No. The worst performance from an English team in the Champions League was bad enough but a litany of poor displays - particularly away from home - meant City were dethroned from their league title with breathtaking ease. A poor FA Cup Final showing that culminated in defeat rubbed City's noses in it as they endured a painful campaign.
Star Man: Vincent Kompany. Not quite the take-no-prisoners defender of seasons past but still a huge asset, not least given City's defence tends to fall apart without him.
Needs To Improve: A number of players have regressed. Chief among them are Joe Hart, Yaya Toure and David Silva, who have all failed to deliver anything like their championship-winning form.
What's Next?: Better showings in the league and in Europe are a prequisite. City now live in a sphere where such humiliations like this year can't be tolerated, and whoever takes charge cannot risk another season like this one.
Chelsea
Finished: 3rd
Can they be happy with their season?: They have more to happy to be about than they don't. For most of the season, Stamford Bridge has been a cauldron of hate as the stupidly unpopular Rafa Benitez replaced Roberto di Matteo. While Chelsea have fallen away from their league standings, they still have Champions League football and another trophy - the Europa League - in the bank.
Star Man: Juan Mata
Needs To Improve: The easy option for this category is Fernando Torres. However John Terry, much as he is beloved by Chelsea fans, has not been that convincing a presence. Chelsea could use thinking about their long-term proposition for a post-JT world but the centre half has not had one of his better seasons.
What's Next?: A true sense of where Chelsea are heading depends on who their next appointment is.
Arsenal
Finished: 4th
Can they be happy with their season?: Just about. 4th or bust has been the Wenger mantra for years and for vast swathes it looks like the club had hit bust. A defeat by Spurs left them adrift of the the top 4 in the wake of Champions League, FA Cup and Capital One Cup humiliation. But they returned with a great strike to fly into the Champions League spots by the time the whistle went on game 38.
Star Man: Laurent Koscielny. Surprisingly, the French defender has been a huge cornerstone of Arsenal's defence and, a few brain blips aside, has demonstrated great consistency. Theo Walcott and Olivier Giroud have also done well to help ease the blow of Robin van Persie's deprature.
Needs To Improve: Thomas Vermaelen. Supremely inconsistent defending and a lack of captains leadership has shown as the Gunners' best performances have all coincided with his absence.
What's Next?: Winning a trophy remains the ultimate goal, but cementing their top 4 spot again remains essential. For once it looks like the Gunners will spend big in the summer.
Tottenham Hotspur
Finished: 5th
Can they be happy with their season?: The season's may change but the bitter story remains identical. Despite accumulating a record points total for a single season, Spurs again conspired to throw away a great season and the season both behind Arsenal and out of the Champions League. It was a little harsh given they've spent most of the season up there, but had they not thrown away so many cheap points, things would've been differently.
Star Man: Gareth Bale. Little doubt anyone else would pip the PFA Player and Young Player of the Year to this one, given he scored a shedload of vital strikes. If he leaves Spurs they face trouble.
Needs To Improve: Emmanuel Adebayor, whose contribution for most of the campaign has been between fitful and pitiful. Spurs' lack of firepower is arguably what cost them top 4.
What's Next?: A new striker is requiried but a lot hinges on whether or not Bale sticks around. A few more players could also be useful, but the ambition will be to ensure they can finally return to the Champions League and overhaul their neighbours for the first time in generations.
Everton
Finished: 6th
Can they be happy with their season?: Yes and no. For once, Everton started a season like they ended it as they had a sensational start to the campaign. But even then, they were dropping points and then dropped more in an underwhelming second half that saw them lose out on Europe altogether. Finishing in the top 6 - above Liverpool again - is a reasonable enough thing to take solace with.
Star Man: Leighton Baines. A force from full back, who is one of the most potent attacking supply lines in current English football, with a forceful free-kick to match. Keeping him and Marouane Fellaini will be hugely key for the Toffees' ambition.
Needs To Improve: Nikica Jelavic. Having started out well to follow his fantastic early form, his performances have nosedived alarmingly over the final few months, and Everton generally perform better without him. Special mention for Jonny Heitinga, whose presence seems to make Everton's defence a lot softer.
What's Next?: The end of the David Moyes reign at Goodison Park means a new manager. Losing Fellaini and Baines, as some people fear, will be even worse. Anything could happen next season, and it all hinges on which hardy soul Bill Kenwright will appoint.
Liverpool
Finished: 7th
Can they be happy with their season?: 50-50. The first half of the season saw Liverpool struggle a fair bit, with a worst ever start and a serie of unconvincing performances seeing them struggle. But they kicked up a notch in the second half, and fans will feel a little gutted they didn't get started earlier as a few more wins could've seen them return to Europe.
Star Man: He may well be a cannibal but there is no denying Luis Suarez is a vital cog in the machine for Brendan Rodgers' side. Given he is top scorer, top assister and often looks like making things happen, it is vital he remains despite his unusual culinary habits. Phillipe Coutinho has also impressed.
Needs To Improve: Their entire midfield could use a shake up. Joe Allen offers little, Lucas seems to lack something after his injuries, Jordan Henderson is improving but still has a long way to go and Stewart Downing is still poor.
What's Next?: An assault on the top 4 may not be immediate but it is the ultimate goal. Wrestling back a top 6 place is the ultimate early goal and it could be in their reach depending on how well they apply themselves. If the last few weeks are anything to go by, they do have the chops.
West Bromwich Albion
Finished: 8th
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely. Many people had thought a post-Roy Hodgson WBA would struggle but instead, they were better. At one point they looked to be in the mood for a surprise top six challenge, but the fact they finished light years above the dropzone will please Steve Clarke and his team's fans.
Star Man: Romelu Lukaku. The Belgian striker came with a big reputation but went about bolstering it, with many goals and some grand forward play ensuring he was a huge star in a hugely impressive season for WBA.
Needs To Improve: Peter Odemwingie, although this is less a question of talent and more of attitude. The Russian-Nigerian has been a running joke all season long with a preposterously poor attitude capped off by his bizarre attempt to force through a deadline day move to QPR.
What's Next?: It all depends on how WBA go about their attack, with Lukaku set to return to Chelsea and Odemwingie more than likely departing. More of the same would work but it'll be tricky act to follow. In the long-run, keeping in the division is still a must.
Swansea City
Finished: 9th
Can they be happy with their season?: They sure can. Some pundits had foolishly thought Swansea would struggle following the departure of Brendan Rodgers for Liverpool, but Michael Laudrup created a stronger Swans team that secured a top half finish and the Capital One Cup. Job well done.
Star Man: Michu. A snip at £2milllion from Spanish side Rayo Vallecano. A great shout for signing of the seaon and a hugely key player that help fire the Swans into Europe.
Needs To Improve: Although the attitude of their ball-boys is a fair shout, Nathan Dyer's behaviour has been questionable at times and he could do better next season.
What's Next?: Once again, it's to build on. Laudrup will want to avoid repeating Newcastle's Europa League-based failings, but they'll also want to ensure another good Premier League finish. The 6 or 7 additions Laudrup has discussed will prove vital.
West Ham United
Finished: 10th
Can they be happy with their season?: They sure can. Last season's play-off winners seemed the best equipped of the promoted clubs and sure looked enough they looked like they'd never been away.
Star Man: Kevin Nolan. The experienced custodian has chipped in with many a key goal after reprising his profitable partnership with Andy Carroll, and has been a good bed rock to build a team on.
Needs To Improve: Away from home, the Hammers seem to throw their gameplans out and regularly look a poor imitation of themselves away from Upton Park. This consistency almost threatened to be their undoing, and more needs to be done to solve this.
What's Next?: Building on this season is the big touch. The obvious option is keeping Andy Carroll, but a few more players could come in handy.
Norwich City
Finished: 11th
Can they be happy with their season?: It's difficult to comment. Their season has seen two awful runs sandwich a fantastic two months unbeaten, but the important thing is that they stayed up and Chris Hughton's side summoned up the firepower when they needed it most to retain their league status.
Star Man: Robert Snodgrass. The winger has been a very potent force on the wing and looks a great option. Sebastien Bassong, previously seen as a bad luck charm following relegations with Newcastle and Wolves, has also been a great addition.
Needs To Improve: Their strikeforce. A lack of firepower at one point looked to be spelling big trouble for the Canaries, with the team drawing a lot of blanks.
What's Next?: The ultimate goal for clubs in the position of Norwich is keeping their Premier League status. To do this teaching their strikers how to find the goal or finding a big scorer - presumably the confirmed £8.5M signing of Ricky van Wolfswinkel - is a must.
Fulham
Finished: 12th
Can they be happy with their season?: Somewhat. Fulham's season has been a fairly confusing mish-mash, where the team has frequently veered from sensational to diabolical, usually in the same game. Ultimately they came in the mid-table place that everyone thought but they have offered a sense they could well have finished anywhere.
Star Man: Dimitar Berbatov. Some people feel he had something to prove after his Man United career ended but by the banks of the Thames he has looked a wonderful player, and is certainly a classy option.
Needs To Improve: The team as a whole needs to find some consistency that has been somewhat lacking. Being the first team to lose to QPR and then almost throwing away a 3-0 lead against the same opposition - coupled with handing Reading 4 points - is the worst evidence that consistency seems to elude Martin Jole's side.
What's Next?: The team is certainly in rebuild mode, as the legendary Europa League Final squad is being rebuilt. The ultimate goal for the Cottagers is finding consistency, and trying to avoid the winless sequences that made the end of the season a lot more uncomfortable then it needed to be.
Stoke City
Finished: 13th
Can they be happy with their season?: There are three different answers for the three different ways Stoke's season can be divided. Until New Year's Day they were having a great campaign, with a solid defence, top 10 and playing reasonably well. Then they fell apart for a few months, and at one point looked doomed. But a final flourish ensured they stayed up.
Star Man: If it wasn't for Asmir Begovic, Stoke would've fallen out of the league. The Bosnian international is a grand goalkeeper and keeping him is hugely key. Robert Huth remains a key defender for all his elbowing.
Needs To Improve: Stoke have been a team that have struggled for goals, with their wingplay and strikeforce both not delivering to the quantities they would've liked. With just three goals, Peter Crouch is top but is by no means alone, and both options need bolstering or encouraging in the summer.
What's Next?: All sorts of inquests will be deliberated about why Stoke's second half of the season was alarmingly shambolic. It'll be worth bolstering the team's attacking options in the pre-season before trying again next year.
Southampton
Finished: 14th
Can they be happy with their season?: More or less. The goal for Southampton was staying in the Premier League. Despite the baffling managerial sacking of Nigel Adkins, various poor defensive performances and coming close to chucking it away, they managed survival and Mauricio Pochettino has a platform to build on ahead of next season.
Star Man: Rickie Lambert. Like Grant Holt in 2011-12, an experienced English centre forward seized his chance at the big league with aplomb. Lambert however looks a better all round better option.
Needs To Improve: A litany of baffingly poor defensive performances threatened to undercut the Saints all season long, and the could use a more solid backline for next year.
What's Next?: Although Pochettino has spoke he'd love to one day lead the Saints into the Champions League, a platform needs to be constructed for that. Next season is likely to be about avoiding relegation again, although a mid-table finish would certainly be welcome by the banks of the Solent.
Aston Villa
Finished: 15th
Can they be happy with their season?: Not so much the majority as the conclusion. Things looked desperate when Chelsea, Spurs and Wigan racked up an accumulative 15-0 win over Villa in December. But soon enough, a promising young team began collecting valuable points and they soon picked up the vital points to keep their heads above water and their league status intact.
Star Man: Eyebrows were raised when £7million was splashed on Christian Benteke but that has proved far from being the case. Without his goals and his general up-front play, Villa would have been in deep trouble.
Needs To Improve: Darren Bent has looked nothing like a £24million striker, and has been deservedly kept out the team by Benteke. Shay Given could also help himself with better performances after losing his place to the impressive Brad Guzan.
What's Next?: The young players will have gained valuable experience. Although it's likely Villa are going to have to wait a long time before attempting to return to the top 6 finishes of Martin O'Neill, they have proved they're a good team and should steer clear of drop zone shenanigans next year.
Newcastle United
Finished: 16th
Can they be happy with their season?: It seems weird to be seeing a season with a Europa League Quarter Final as failure, but in terms of the league, it was an abject year. On another day, last season's surprise packages in 5th place could well have ended their season going down. Maulings by Sunderland and Liverpool, and many other displays lacking ambition, didn't help. In the end they did enough to stick around.
Star Man: James Perch may not be the most heralded of the stars in black and white but has been the most consistent and remains a good option. Despite a mid-season departure, the goals of Demba Ba proved ultimately vital in preserving the Toon's Premier League lives. Ditto those of Papiss Cisse, who took up the scoring mantle following Ba's mid-season move to Chelsea.
Needs To Improve: Alan Pardew. While he couldn't vouch for all the injuries, his tactical decisions and team selections have defied comprehension, and he has to carry the can for an alarmingly poor league season. Hardly an advert for an eight year deal. Cheick Tiote and Jonas Gutierrez are the two players whose form also dropped signifcantly.
What's Next?: It's difficult to say. The squad is full of fantastic players the club should attempt to keep but they remain fragile. Another shocking sequence like the last two months and the shaky ground beneath Pardew's feet will collapse.
Sunderland
Finished: 17th
Can they be happy with their season?: It depends on what parameters you give it. Martin O'Neill's teams lacked ambition and his poor performances ultimately cost him his job. Replacement Paolo di Canio has already lived up to his nutter tag and has had an eventful start, including a sensational victory at St. James' and a mauling by Villa. But ultimately, they stayed up so, for him, job done.
Star Man: Simon Mignolet is a great goalkeeper, and it's arguable without him in goal things would have been a lot more dicey for the Black Cats. Steven Fletcher is also not far behind, given he spent the bulk of the campaign being Sunderland's only goalscorer.
Needs To Improve: For most of the season this looked like being the extremely underwhelming Adam Johnson. But while Johnson has improved, £5million January signing Danny Graham has been very disappointing and has looked even worse. Appropriate given the Newcastle fan once said he'd rather play for Gateshead.
What's Next?: The Black Cats face a true leap into the unknown. Di Canio's only experience of the top two tiers is his 7 games, and it will be an interesting test next season to see how he adjusts to the rigour of Premier League life. It'll also be interesting to see if the players can match the rigour the manager expects.
Wigan Athletic
Finished: 18th
Can they be happy with their season?: To amend the words of a song Bono wrote for Frank Sinatra, it was one shot of happy and two shots of sad. The shot of happy was their sensational FA Cup victory, when they upset the odds to upset Manchester City and lift the trophy. However, this was immediately counteracted by relegation after eight years in the top flight. Ultimately some suspect defending was unable to bail them out and as a result it was the end of the Premier League road and their escapology acts.
Star Man: Shaun Maloney. Although he isn't always at full pelt, his presence is a huge creative presence for the Latics. Arouna Kone's first season in the league has also been a good scoring success, while Callum McManaman has looked a good future player despite his 'tackling'.
Needs To Improve: Their defending has ultimate been their downfall. A ludicrously poor rate of clean sheets and jaw-dropping errors ultimately proved the end of the road.
What's Next?: Regardless of the future of their manager, Wigan have to attempt promotion. They certainly can keep together a squad capable of bouncing straight back up, and should attempt to be up their with the best in a tricky league.
Reading
Finished: 19th
Can they be happy with their season?: Not really. Royals fans were never that optimistic they would survive, and underinvestment to a big degree ensured their squad didn't have enough quality. With Brian McDermott harshly fired, the onus now falls on Nigel Adkins to ensure their return to the Championship is a brief one.
Star Man: Adam le Fondre. Often a super-sub, the striker with a French name hit the double digits figure. His goals gave Reading brief hope in January they could stay up, and he will be key in the division below.
Needs To Improve: Pavel Pogrebnyak was a big move that promised much but ultimately did not deliver. His goal ratio was ultimately poor, and the Russian has not delivered to the aspect expected of him.
What's Next?: The big goal is to get back up. All teams relegated share this and the Royals certainly have a squad that knows they can come up. But, like the teams either side of them, they are in a tricky tier to escape from and much work will be requiried to ensure the challenge happens.
Queens Park Rangers
Finished: 20th
Can they be happy with their season?: You would be barking mad to think they would be. No wins until mid-December, with only 3 further league wins all season, from a team of overpaid lackies not giving a toss was not what was wanted. But at least Mark Hughes was right in speculating they wouldn't be in a relegation battle - pretty much all season, the battle to stay up took place above them.
Star Man: Nobody really deserves this, except possibly Loic Remy, even despite his rape charge. Who knows where they'd be if he'd been signed in the summer? Player of the Year Clint Hill has also provided a rare inspiration in a sea of mediocrity.
Needs To Improve: Everyone, in one respect or another, has disappointed. Picking one is hard, so it'd be easier to simply say that QPR, as a whole, have failed and need to improve.
What's Next?: Promotion is a goal but maybe too far as the league is a difficult one to get out of, as Wolves and Blackburn can testify.
That was it for an eventful mad-cap season. Every team's fans will have a story to tell, no matter how sad, happy or confusing it may be, and every fan will feel strange waiting for three months before the madness begins again with no World Cup or European Championship to distract them.
There are still last hurrahs, with the Champions League final and the afformentioned play-off match to see the final team to confirm promotion. But after that, the anticipation will begin for the next season and the excitement can begin now. Bring it on.
Every team has a story to tell and something they can look to build on for next season.
Manchester United
Finished: 1st (Champions)
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely. From the moment the title slipped from their fingers on the last day in May 2012, Sir Alex Ferguson's men have had one goal - to regain the trophy. Sure enough, they have done so at a canter. It's not been plain sailing but for the bulk of the campaign they had their noses in front and never looked like losing, and were worthy to deliver Ferguson's 13th, and last, Premier League title.
Star Man: Robin van Persie. Arguably the signing that clinched them the league.
Needs To Improve: Antonio Valencia. The winger has regressed badly and needs to improve vastly next year. Special mention for the extremely overrated Danny Welbeck
What's Next?: It promises to be an interesting campaign given this season was the last for Fergie, with Wayne Rooney doing his best to follow him out. David Moyes is set for an interesting first season as he seeks to prove he is the right man for the job.
Manchester City
Finished: 2nd
Can they be happy with their season?: No. The worst performance from an English team in the Champions League was bad enough but a litany of poor displays - particularly away from home - meant City were dethroned from their league title with breathtaking ease. A poor FA Cup Final showing that culminated in defeat rubbed City's noses in it as they endured a painful campaign.
Star Man: Vincent Kompany. Not quite the take-no-prisoners defender of seasons past but still a huge asset, not least given City's defence tends to fall apart without him.
Needs To Improve: A number of players have regressed. Chief among them are Joe Hart, Yaya Toure and David Silva, who have all failed to deliver anything like their championship-winning form.
What's Next?: Better showings in the league and in Europe are a prequisite. City now live in a sphere where such humiliations like this year can't be tolerated, and whoever takes charge cannot risk another season like this one.
Chelsea
Finished: 3rd
Can they be happy with their season?: They have more to happy to be about than they don't. For most of the season, Stamford Bridge has been a cauldron of hate as the stupidly unpopular Rafa Benitez replaced Roberto di Matteo. While Chelsea have fallen away from their league standings, they still have Champions League football and another trophy - the Europa League - in the bank.
Star Man: Juan Mata
Needs To Improve: The easy option for this category is Fernando Torres. However John Terry, much as he is beloved by Chelsea fans, has not been that convincing a presence. Chelsea could use thinking about their long-term proposition for a post-JT world but the centre half has not had one of his better seasons.
What's Next?: A true sense of where Chelsea are heading depends on who their next appointment is.
Arsenal
Finished: 4th
Can they be happy with their season?: Just about. 4th or bust has been the Wenger mantra for years and for vast swathes it looks like the club had hit bust. A defeat by Spurs left them adrift of the the top 4 in the wake of Champions League, FA Cup and Capital One Cup humiliation. But they returned with a great strike to fly into the Champions League spots by the time the whistle went on game 38.
Star Man: Laurent Koscielny. Surprisingly, the French defender has been a huge cornerstone of Arsenal's defence and, a few brain blips aside, has demonstrated great consistency. Theo Walcott and Olivier Giroud have also done well to help ease the blow of Robin van Persie's deprature.
Needs To Improve: Thomas Vermaelen. Supremely inconsistent defending and a lack of captains leadership has shown as the Gunners' best performances have all coincided with his absence.
What's Next?: Winning a trophy remains the ultimate goal, but cementing their top 4 spot again remains essential. For once it looks like the Gunners will spend big in the summer.
Tottenham Hotspur
Finished: 5th
Can they be happy with their season?: The season's may change but the bitter story remains identical. Despite accumulating a record points total for a single season, Spurs again conspired to throw away a great season and the season both behind Arsenal and out of the Champions League. It was a little harsh given they've spent most of the season up there, but had they not thrown away so many cheap points, things would've been differently.
Star Man: Gareth Bale. Little doubt anyone else would pip the PFA Player and Young Player of the Year to this one, given he scored a shedload of vital strikes. If he leaves Spurs they face trouble.
Needs To Improve: Emmanuel Adebayor, whose contribution for most of the campaign has been between fitful and pitiful. Spurs' lack of firepower is arguably what cost them top 4.
What's Next?: A new striker is requiried but a lot hinges on whether or not Bale sticks around. A few more players could also be useful, but the ambition will be to ensure they can finally return to the Champions League and overhaul their neighbours for the first time in generations.
Everton
Finished: 6th
Can they be happy with their season?: Yes and no. For once, Everton started a season like they ended it as they had a sensational start to the campaign. But even then, they were dropping points and then dropped more in an underwhelming second half that saw them lose out on Europe altogether. Finishing in the top 6 - above Liverpool again - is a reasonable enough thing to take solace with.
Star Man: Leighton Baines. A force from full back, who is one of the most potent attacking supply lines in current English football, with a forceful free-kick to match. Keeping him and Marouane Fellaini will be hugely key for the Toffees' ambition.
Needs To Improve: Nikica Jelavic. Having started out well to follow his fantastic early form, his performances have nosedived alarmingly over the final few months, and Everton generally perform better without him. Special mention for Jonny Heitinga, whose presence seems to make Everton's defence a lot softer.
What's Next?: The end of the David Moyes reign at Goodison Park means a new manager. Losing Fellaini and Baines, as some people fear, will be even worse. Anything could happen next season, and it all hinges on which hardy soul Bill Kenwright will appoint.
Liverpool
Finished: 7th
Can they be happy with their season?: 50-50. The first half of the season saw Liverpool struggle a fair bit, with a worst ever start and a serie of unconvincing performances seeing them struggle. But they kicked up a notch in the second half, and fans will feel a little gutted they didn't get started earlier as a few more wins could've seen them return to Europe.
Star Man: He may well be a cannibal but there is no denying Luis Suarez is a vital cog in the machine for Brendan Rodgers' side. Given he is top scorer, top assister and often looks like making things happen, it is vital he remains despite his unusual culinary habits. Phillipe Coutinho has also impressed.
Needs To Improve: Their entire midfield could use a shake up. Joe Allen offers little, Lucas seems to lack something after his injuries, Jordan Henderson is improving but still has a long way to go and Stewart Downing is still poor.
What's Next?: An assault on the top 4 may not be immediate but it is the ultimate goal. Wrestling back a top 6 place is the ultimate early goal and it could be in their reach depending on how well they apply themselves. If the last few weeks are anything to go by, they do have the chops.
West Bromwich Albion
Finished: 8th
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely. Many people had thought a post-Roy Hodgson WBA would struggle but instead, they were better. At one point they looked to be in the mood for a surprise top six challenge, but the fact they finished light years above the dropzone will please Steve Clarke and his team's fans.
Star Man: Romelu Lukaku. The Belgian striker came with a big reputation but went about bolstering it, with many goals and some grand forward play ensuring he was a huge star in a hugely impressive season for WBA.
Needs To Improve: Peter Odemwingie, although this is less a question of talent and more of attitude. The Russian-Nigerian has been a running joke all season long with a preposterously poor attitude capped off by his bizarre attempt to force through a deadline day move to QPR.
What's Next?: It all depends on how WBA go about their attack, with Lukaku set to return to Chelsea and Odemwingie more than likely departing. More of the same would work but it'll be tricky act to follow. In the long-run, keeping in the division is still a must.
Swansea City
Finished: 9th
Can they be happy with their season?: They sure can. Some pundits had foolishly thought Swansea would struggle following the departure of Brendan Rodgers for Liverpool, but Michael Laudrup created a stronger Swans team that secured a top half finish and the Capital One Cup. Job well done.
Star Man: Michu. A snip at £2milllion from Spanish side Rayo Vallecano. A great shout for signing of the seaon and a hugely key player that help fire the Swans into Europe.
Needs To Improve: Although the attitude of their ball-boys is a fair shout, Nathan Dyer's behaviour has been questionable at times and he could do better next season.
What's Next?: Once again, it's to build on. Laudrup will want to avoid repeating Newcastle's Europa League-based failings, but they'll also want to ensure another good Premier League finish. The 6 or 7 additions Laudrup has discussed will prove vital.
West Ham United
Finished: 10th
Can they be happy with their season?: They sure can. Last season's play-off winners seemed the best equipped of the promoted clubs and sure looked enough they looked like they'd never been away.
Star Man: Kevin Nolan. The experienced custodian has chipped in with many a key goal after reprising his profitable partnership with Andy Carroll, and has been a good bed rock to build a team on.
Needs To Improve: Away from home, the Hammers seem to throw their gameplans out and regularly look a poor imitation of themselves away from Upton Park. This consistency almost threatened to be their undoing, and more needs to be done to solve this.
What's Next?: Building on this season is the big touch. The obvious option is keeping Andy Carroll, but a few more players could come in handy.
Norwich City
Finished: 11th
Can they be happy with their season?: It's difficult to comment. Their season has seen two awful runs sandwich a fantastic two months unbeaten, but the important thing is that they stayed up and Chris Hughton's side summoned up the firepower when they needed it most to retain their league status.
Star Man: Robert Snodgrass. The winger has been a very potent force on the wing and looks a great option. Sebastien Bassong, previously seen as a bad luck charm following relegations with Newcastle and Wolves, has also been a great addition.
Needs To Improve: Their strikeforce. A lack of firepower at one point looked to be spelling big trouble for the Canaries, with the team drawing a lot of blanks.
What's Next?: The ultimate goal for clubs in the position of Norwich is keeping their Premier League status. To do this teaching their strikers how to find the goal or finding a big scorer - presumably the confirmed £8.5M signing of Ricky van Wolfswinkel - is a must.
Fulham
Finished: 12th
Can they be happy with their season?: Somewhat. Fulham's season has been a fairly confusing mish-mash, where the team has frequently veered from sensational to diabolical, usually in the same game. Ultimately they came in the mid-table place that everyone thought but they have offered a sense they could well have finished anywhere.
Star Man: Dimitar Berbatov. Some people feel he had something to prove after his Man United career ended but by the banks of the Thames he has looked a wonderful player, and is certainly a classy option.
Needs To Improve: The team as a whole needs to find some consistency that has been somewhat lacking. Being the first team to lose to QPR and then almost throwing away a 3-0 lead against the same opposition - coupled with handing Reading 4 points - is the worst evidence that consistency seems to elude Martin Jole's side.
What's Next?: The team is certainly in rebuild mode, as the legendary Europa League Final squad is being rebuilt. The ultimate goal for the Cottagers is finding consistency, and trying to avoid the winless sequences that made the end of the season a lot more uncomfortable then it needed to be.
Stoke City
Finished: 13th
Can they be happy with their season?: There are three different answers for the three different ways Stoke's season can be divided. Until New Year's Day they were having a great campaign, with a solid defence, top 10 and playing reasonably well. Then they fell apart for a few months, and at one point looked doomed. But a final flourish ensured they stayed up.
Star Man: If it wasn't for Asmir Begovic, Stoke would've fallen out of the league. The Bosnian international is a grand goalkeeper and keeping him is hugely key. Robert Huth remains a key defender for all his elbowing.
Needs To Improve: Stoke have been a team that have struggled for goals, with their wingplay and strikeforce both not delivering to the quantities they would've liked. With just three goals, Peter Crouch is top but is by no means alone, and both options need bolstering or encouraging in the summer.
What's Next?: All sorts of inquests will be deliberated about why Stoke's second half of the season was alarmingly shambolic. It'll be worth bolstering the team's attacking options in the pre-season before trying again next year.
Southampton
Finished: 14th
Can they be happy with their season?: More or less. The goal for Southampton was staying in the Premier League. Despite the baffling managerial sacking of Nigel Adkins, various poor defensive performances and coming close to chucking it away, they managed survival and Mauricio Pochettino has a platform to build on ahead of next season.
Star Man: Rickie Lambert. Like Grant Holt in 2011-12, an experienced English centre forward seized his chance at the big league with aplomb. Lambert however looks a better all round better option.
Needs To Improve: A litany of baffingly poor defensive performances threatened to undercut the Saints all season long, and the could use a more solid backline for next year.
What's Next?: Although Pochettino has spoke he'd love to one day lead the Saints into the Champions League, a platform needs to be constructed for that. Next season is likely to be about avoiding relegation again, although a mid-table finish would certainly be welcome by the banks of the Solent.
Aston Villa
Finished: 15th
Can they be happy with their season?: Not so much the majority as the conclusion. Things looked desperate when Chelsea, Spurs and Wigan racked up an accumulative 15-0 win over Villa in December. But soon enough, a promising young team began collecting valuable points and they soon picked up the vital points to keep their heads above water and their league status intact.
Star Man: Eyebrows were raised when £7million was splashed on Christian Benteke but that has proved far from being the case. Without his goals and his general up-front play, Villa would have been in deep trouble.
Needs To Improve: Darren Bent has looked nothing like a £24million striker, and has been deservedly kept out the team by Benteke. Shay Given could also help himself with better performances after losing his place to the impressive Brad Guzan.
What's Next?: The young players will have gained valuable experience. Although it's likely Villa are going to have to wait a long time before attempting to return to the top 6 finishes of Martin O'Neill, they have proved they're a good team and should steer clear of drop zone shenanigans next year.
Newcastle United
Finished: 16th
Can they be happy with their season?: It seems weird to be seeing a season with a Europa League Quarter Final as failure, but in terms of the league, it was an abject year. On another day, last season's surprise packages in 5th place could well have ended their season going down. Maulings by Sunderland and Liverpool, and many other displays lacking ambition, didn't help. In the end they did enough to stick around.
Star Man: James Perch may not be the most heralded of the stars in black and white but has been the most consistent and remains a good option. Despite a mid-season departure, the goals of Demba Ba proved ultimately vital in preserving the Toon's Premier League lives. Ditto those of Papiss Cisse, who took up the scoring mantle following Ba's mid-season move to Chelsea.
Needs To Improve: Alan Pardew. While he couldn't vouch for all the injuries, his tactical decisions and team selections have defied comprehension, and he has to carry the can for an alarmingly poor league season. Hardly an advert for an eight year deal. Cheick Tiote and Jonas Gutierrez are the two players whose form also dropped signifcantly.
What's Next?: It's difficult to say. The squad is full of fantastic players the club should attempt to keep but they remain fragile. Another shocking sequence like the last two months and the shaky ground beneath Pardew's feet will collapse.
Sunderland
Finished: 17th
Can they be happy with their season?: It depends on what parameters you give it. Martin O'Neill's teams lacked ambition and his poor performances ultimately cost him his job. Replacement Paolo di Canio has already lived up to his nutter tag and has had an eventful start, including a sensational victory at St. James' and a mauling by Villa. But ultimately, they stayed up so, for him, job done.
Star Man: Simon Mignolet is a great goalkeeper, and it's arguable without him in goal things would have been a lot more dicey for the Black Cats. Steven Fletcher is also not far behind, given he spent the bulk of the campaign being Sunderland's only goalscorer.
Needs To Improve: For most of the season this looked like being the extremely underwhelming Adam Johnson. But while Johnson has improved, £5million January signing Danny Graham has been very disappointing and has looked even worse. Appropriate given the Newcastle fan once said he'd rather play for Gateshead.
What's Next?: The Black Cats face a true leap into the unknown. Di Canio's only experience of the top two tiers is his 7 games, and it will be an interesting test next season to see how he adjusts to the rigour of Premier League life. It'll also be interesting to see if the players can match the rigour the manager expects.
Wigan Athletic
Finished: 18th
Can they be happy with their season?: To amend the words of a song Bono wrote for Frank Sinatra, it was one shot of happy and two shots of sad. The shot of happy was their sensational FA Cup victory, when they upset the odds to upset Manchester City and lift the trophy. However, this was immediately counteracted by relegation after eight years in the top flight. Ultimately some suspect defending was unable to bail them out and as a result it was the end of the Premier League road and their escapology acts.
Star Man: Shaun Maloney. Although he isn't always at full pelt, his presence is a huge creative presence for the Latics. Arouna Kone's first season in the league has also been a good scoring success, while Callum McManaman has looked a good future player despite his 'tackling'.
Needs To Improve: Their defending has ultimate been their downfall. A ludicrously poor rate of clean sheets and jaw-dropping errors ultimately proved the end of the road.
What's Next?: Regardless of the future of their manager, Wigan have to attempt promotion. They certainly can keep together a squad capable of bouncing straight back up, and should attempt to be up their with the best in a tricky league.
Reading
Finished: 19th
Can they be happy with their season?: Not really. Royals fans were never that optimistic they would survive, and underinvestment to a big degree ensured their squad didn't have enough quality. With Brian McDermott harshly fired, the onus now falls on Nigel Adkins to ensure their return to the Championship is a brief one.
Star Man: Adam le Fondre. Often a super-sub, the striker with a French name hit the double digits figure. His goals gave Reading brief hope in January they could stay up, and he will be key in the division below.
Needs To Improve: Pavel Pogrebnyak was a big move that promised much but ultimately did not deliver. His goal ratio was ultimately poor, and the Russian has not delivered to the aspect expected of him.
What's Next?: The big goal is to get back up. All teams relegated share this and the Royals certainly have a squad that knows they can come up. But, like the teams either side of them, they are in a tricky tier to escape from and much work will be requiried to ensure the challenge happens.
Queens Park Rangers
Finished: 20th
Can they be happy with their season?: You would be barking mad to think they would be. No wins until mid-December, with only 3 further league wins all season, from a team of overpaid lackies not giving a toss was not what was wanted. But at least Mark Hughes was right in speculating they wouldn't be in a relegation battle - pretty much all season, the battle to stay up took place above them.
Star Man: Nobody really deserves this, except possibly Loic Remy, even despite his rape charge. Who knows where they'd be if he'd been signed in the summer? Player of the Year Clint Hill has also provided a rare inspiration in a sea of mediocrity.
Needs To Improve: Everyone, in one respect or another, has disappointed. Picking one is hard, so it'd be easier to simply say that QPR, as a whole, have failed and need to improve.
What's Next?: Promotion is a goal but maybe too far as the league is a difficult one to get out of, as Wolves and Blackburn can testify.
That was it for an eventful mad-cap season. Every team's fans will have a story to tell, no matter how sad, happy or confusing it may be, and every fan will feel strange waiting for three months before the madness begins again with no World Cup or European Championship to distract them.
There are still last hurrahs, with the Champions League final and the afformentioned play-off match to see the final team to confirm promotion. But after that, the anticipation will begin for the next season and the excitement can begin now. Bring it on.
Sunday, 5 May 2013
The Newcastle United Game of Chicken...
With two games to go, Newcastle sit in a hugely uncomfortable position.
A few weeks ago, some people were touting the current haul of 38 points being potentially enough but that situation has unravelled following a victory for Wigan at West Bromwich Albion. With another limp over the line seeing Newcastle draw at West Ham, it ramps up the uncomfortable situation.
Sunderland and Wigan still have games in hand and can send the Toon Army into the bottom three by the time Sunday's clash at QPR kicks off.
It wasn't meant to be like this. On paper, the starting 11 fizzes and sparkles with electricity and talented players, and is largely still made up of the players who led the club to a hugely impressive 5th place finish in 2011-12.
Even allowing for the pile-up of reaching a Europa League Quarter Final, this team should have more than enough to keep in the top half. But something extraordinarily inept has taken control at St. James' Park, with the team resembling something closer to the shambles that dropped out of the league in 2009.
Things have been wrong all season, and fans will have been ruminating all season long as to what the problem is. Among the theories touted include failing to invest in the summer, managerial ineptitude in both tactics and motivation, players going backwards, awful luck, a preposterous injury list and reliance on 'cheese eating surrender monkies' as the press has been happy to paint this week.
Nevertheless, the momentum is not in our favour. As if the humilating derby mauling at home to Sunderland wasn't bad enough, the worst home defeat since 1925 came in the following home game when a Liverpool team missing Luis Suarez put six in the back of our net.
That game felt painful to watch - nevermind actually attend. A gutless team surrendered in the most appalling display imaginable. This led to a long and farcical week that involved the club banning one newspaper and looking into sueing another as the team were said to be falling apart.
As if that wasn't bad enough, Aston Villa - a team that have been apocalyptically bad for the bulk of the season - are now crossing the line ahead of us and yet another Wigan great escape is gathering momentum.
With just one win in seven league outings - and only three goals in that time - it is easy to get paranoid.
There is substaintially good reason for this. As well as the fact the club has continually show a lack of attacking imagination or creativity, they play in the same teamof the league's most porous defences. With us appearing to sink, it seems we need teams to cushion our fall.
This is a dangerous policy and one that is asking for trouble. A team may well cushion our fall but we cannot rely on it. The only way the Premier League status can be preserved is winning one or both of our final two games.
The fine lines in football are ridiculous. A goalline technology decision at Upton Park went against us, robbing us of 2 points that would have all-but seen us cross the finishing line. To give another bone for conspiracy theorists to chew over, assistant linesman Matthew Wilkes was the same one who ignored the assault masquerading as a tackle and a blatant handball goal in the Wigan defeat that has arguably kept them alive.
But we cannot reflect on this. We appear to be playing a game of chicken, as we stare relegation in the face. The threat is growing larger and all we seem to do is hoping we can evade it in the time.
Aside from being a dangerous game, it also points to tactical malpractice. Had we been a bit more gung-ho, we could well have secured vital points to keep us away from the dropzone. We certainly could have at least rectified our awful corner taking, with no corners producing goals directly since October 2011.
QPR promises to be a tense afternoon. A failure to win over the already relegated Hoops and we will almost certainly follow them out of the division. But it remains to be seen where goals are coming from, with Cisse seeming to only score one in five chances, while our substitutions seem to reduce our attacking threat to the point of irrelevance.
An uncomfortable and unhappy season could yet end in the worst way possible, and everything's needed to avoid another traumatic drop out of this league - one we almost certainly won't bounce back from at the first time of asking.
A few weeks ago, some people were touting the current haul of 38 points being potentially enough but that situation has unravelled following a victory for Wigan at West Bromwich Albion. With another limp over the line seeing Newcastle draw at West Ham, it ramps up the uncomfortable situation.
Sunderland and Wigan still have games in hand and can send the Toon Army into the bottom three by the time Sunday's clash at QPR kicks off.
It wasn't meant to be like this. On paper, the starting 11 fizzes and sparkles with electricity and talented players, and is largely still made up of the players who led the club to a hugely impressive 5th place finish in 2011-12.
Even allowing for the pile-up of reaching a Europa League Quarter Final, this team should have more than enough to keep in the top half. But something extraordinarily inept has taken control at St. James' Park, with the team resembling something closer to the shambles that dropped out of the league in 2009.
Things have been wrong all season, and fans will have been ruminating all season long as to what the problem is. Among the theories touted include failing to invest in the summer, managerial ineptitude in both tactics and motivation, players going backwards, awful luck, a preposterous injury list and reliance on 'cheese eating surrender monkies' as the press has been happy to paint this week.
Nevertheless, the momentum is not in our favour. As if the humilating derby mauling at home to Sunderland wasn't bad enough, the worst home defeat since 1925 came in the following home game when a Liverpool team missing Luis Suarez put six in the back of our net.
That game felt painful to watch - nevermind actually attend. A gutless team surrendered in the most appalling display imaginable. This led to a long and farcical week that involved the club banning one newspaper and looking into sueing another as the team were said to be falling apart.
As if that wasn't bad enough, Aston Villa - a team that have been apocalyptically bad for the bulk of the season - are now crossing the line ahead of us and yet another Wigan great escape is gathering momentum.
With just one win in seven league outings - and only three goals in that time - it is easy to get paranoid.
There is substaintially good reason for this. As well as the fact the club has continually show a lack of attacking imagination or creativity, they play in the same teamof the league's most porous defences. With us appearing to sink, it seems we need teams to cushion our fall.
This is a dangerous policy and one that is asking for trouble. A team may well cushion our fall but we cannot rely on it. The only way the Premier League status can be preserved is winning one or both of our final two games.
The fine lines in football are ridiculous. A goalline technology decision at Upton Park went against us, robbing us of 2 points that would have all-but seen us cross the finishing line. To give another bone for conspiracy theorists to chew over, assistant linesman Matthew Wilkes was the same one who ignored the assault masquerading as a tackle and a blatant handball goal in the Wigan defeat that has arguably kept them alive.
But we cannot reflect on this. We appear to be playing a game of chicken, as we stare relegation in the face. The threat is growing larger and all we seem to do is hoping we can evade it in the time.
Aside from being a dangerous game, it also points to tactical malpractice. Had we been a bit more gung-ho, we could well have secured vital points to keep us away from the dropzone. We certainly could have at least rectified our awful corner taking, with no corners producing goals directly since October 2011.
QPR promises to be a tense afternoon. A failure to win over the already relegated Hoops and we will almost certainly follow them out of the division. But it remains to be seen where goals are coming from, with Cisse seeming to only score one in five chances, while our substitutions seem to reduce our attacking threat to the point of irrelevance.
An uncomfortable and unhappy season could yet end in the worst way possible, and everything's needed to avoid another traumatic drop out of this league - one we almost certainly won't bounce back from at the first time of asking.
Friday, 26 April 2013
Iron Man 3 - Film Review
*CAUTION: This review contains spoilers for Iron Man 3. If you haven't seen it and wish to do so, proceed with caution.*
If there is one superhero that has benefitted from the superhero film becoming big business, Iron Man is definitley the big mover.
The complicated character of weapons billionaire Tony Stark-turned-mechanic and planet saving lump of metal Iron Man has crept up to steal the Marvel show. Until the first Iron Man came out, Spiderman, Hulk and Captain America took the limelight of the Marvel back catalogue but the first Iron Man movie has made him one of the big superheroes, with Robert Downey Junior providing a spectacular showing in the titular role.
This success led to a 2nd installment even before superhero free-for-all Avengers Assemble came out this time last year.
Avengers was not the perfect movie but it was a very skilfully crafted creation with a great combination of superheroes. Perhaps because of this, or the big box office draw created by the previous ones, Avengers became the 3rd highest grossing film in history and the highest not to involve James Cameron.
Naturally, such a draw means another pile-on of films as Marvel begins "Phase Two", which also involves upcoming Thor and Captain America sequels in the next 12 months ahead of an Avengers 2, which will arrive in 2015.
Step one of this road sees the return of (arguably) the biggest Avenger. To follow it up, you need a massive film that can take the Avengers plot and - somehow - go further.
Somehow, they manage it.
Promotional material has been juggling around for months, with the shots of Iron Man's home being levelled by henchmen of the seemingly-formidable Madarin (Ben Kingsley) providing what you may think is a glimpse into the film. However, as it pans out, there's a few red herrings lurking.
As the promo indicates, we do get an early glimpse that all is not well in the mind of Stark. After flying into another dimension with a nuke and crash landing straight into New York City on the way out, Stark is suffering with huge insomnia and panic attacks. To evade this, he buries himself in further modifying and creating his Iron Men. His 42nd make is proving problematic but usable enough. However the creation is causing alienation between Stark and his girlfriend Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow)
This follows on from the opening gambit, which takes place in Switzerland on New Year's Eve 1999. This produces the set-up of the main ploy in the film - the Extremis virus. Stark thinks nothing of the threat at the time, simply bedding the virus creator Dr. Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall) and blanking crippled scientist Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce).
The union of Hansen & Killian soon creates its own surge, which takes off the moment Extremis-addled super-soldiers blow up the Stark compound.
Before the explosions, Stark is seen coming close to what eventually reveals itself as a central plot point. The Extremis virus, a major plotpoint in the comics, helps disabled people regrow limbs - a similar point to the lizard's machinery in the recent Spiderman reboot. However these people have a tendency to overheat and combust with huge heat signatures. We see one of these when one explodes outside the Hollywood Chinese Theatre.
This is followed by the Mandarin claiming credit for destroying a bastardised piece of Chinese-American culture. The Mandarin is seen as behind a range of explosions across America, where all registered huge heat signatures.
One has slipped through the net, and as a result Stark was planning to swing by a small town in Tennessee to check it out. As a result he winds up there, but on crash-arrival his suit runs out of power in the snow, leaving him stranded on the other side of America.
This is where the film takes a plot turn. Beforehand there had been echoes of a political thriller and the war on terror, which has been a long-running thread for entertainment since it started.
However here it moves into the classic "guy-who-has-everything-loses-it-all" territory. Not that this move is a bad thing - if anything it's a refreshing change of pace that allows more about the man behind the mask.
A lot of it hangs on the acting of Downey Jr, which is as accompished as ever. In the first three films to have Iron Man appearing in this guise, he has perfected a blend of arrogance, darkness and quippery and this one is another delightful airing.
Saying that, it does go almost too far when he translates this into departing a boy whose house he crashed in a wave of smartarse-ry.
Nevertheless, there's still a degree of trust in spite of the panic attacks. The Iron Man system is rebooted but soon trouble is emerging again, as Colonel Rhodes' re-painted War Machine (now the Iron Patriot, but still played by Don Cheadle) is taken in a trap in Pakistan when the broadcast hack came from Miami.
Having cracked the code and armed with nothing more than various modified stuff from a DIY store, Stark storms the broadcast compound where the Mandarin reaches the end of his role as villain. Not in the way you may expect, but it is a pretty amusing way with some interesting recollection on the roles of other tyrants.
From ths point, Killian takes over as the main bad guy. He's a nasty man, and his plans accelerate when he blows up Air Force One mid-flight and abducts both Potts and the American President.
This leads to the showstopping climax scene, which is a immensely well-crafted fight between the supersoldiers and all 42 Iron Men, which have remote access. This huge squabble then leads into a double-whammy of a cliffhanger end, which I won't spoil, but I will say it will lead to an interesting development when Tony Stark returns.
All sorts are going on. There's elements of spy film, political thrillers, political and business commentary, conspiracy fiction, some of the darker man-behind-the-mask vibes from The Dark Knight Rises and a few others, but it doesn't feel far removed from Iron Man 1 and 2.
If anything it feels like it's taken these and ran further. Each acting performance is impressive and act out a well-paced script. Everything blends together seamlessly in a very well-crafted piece of film.
If this is an omen for the rest of Marvel's Phase 2, we could be in line for some cinematic gold.
4.5/5
If there is one superhero that has benefitted from the superhero film becoming big business, Iron Man is definitley the big mover.
The complicated character of weapons billionaire Tony Stark-turned-mechanic and planet saving lump of metal Iron Man has crept up to steal the Marvel show. Until the first Iron Man came out, Spiderman, Hulk and Captain America took the limelight of the Marvel back catalogue but the first Iron Man movie has made him one of the big superheroes, with Robert Downey Junior providing a spectacular showing in the titular role.
This success led to a 2nd installment even before superhero free-for-all Avengers Assemble came out this time last year.
Avengers was not the perfect movie but it was a very skilfully crafted creation with a great combination of superheroes. Perhaps because of this, or the big box office draw created by the previous ones, Avengers became the 3rd highest grossing film in history and the highest not to involve James Cameron.
Naturally, such a draw means another pile-on of films as Marvel begins "Phase Two", which also involves upcoming Thor and Captain America sequels in the next 12 months ahead of an Avengers 2, which will arrive in 2015.
Step one of this road sees the return of (arguably) the biggest Avenger. To follow it up, you need a massive film that can take the Avengers plot and - somehow - go further.
Somehow, they manage it.
Promotional material has been juggling around for months, with the shots of Iron Man's home being levelled by henchmen of the seemingly-formidable Madarin (Ben Kingsley) providing what you may think is a glimpse into the film. However, as it pans out, there's a few red herrings lurking.
As the promo indicates, we do get an early glimpse that all is not well in the mind of Stark. After flying into another dimension with a nuke and crash landing straight into New York City on the way out, Stark is suffering with huge insomnia and panic attacks. To evade this, he buries himself in further modifying and creating his Iron Men. His 42nd make is proving problematic but usable enough. However the creation is causing alienation between Stark and his girlfriend Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow)
This follows on from the opening gambit, which takes place in Switzerland on New Year's Eve 1999. This produces the set-up of the main ploy in the film - the Extremis virus. Stark thinks nothing of the threat at the time, simply bedding the virus creator Dr. Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall) and blanking crippled scientist Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce).
The union of Hansen & Killian soon creates its own surge, which takes off the moment Extremis-addled super-soldiers blow up the Stark compound.
Before the explosions, Stark is seen coming close to what eventually reveals itself as a central plot point. The Extremis virus, a major plotpoint in the comics, helps disabled people regrow limbs - a similar point to the lizard's machinery in the recent Spiderman reboot. However these people have a tendency to overheat and combust with huge heat signatures. We see one of these when one explodes outside the Hollywood Chinese Theatre.
This is followed by the Mandarin claiming credit for destroying a bastardised piece of Chinese-American culture. The Mandarin is seen as behind a range of explosions across America, where all registered huge heat signatures.
One has slipped through the net, and as a result Stark was planning to swing by a small town in Tennessee to check it out. As a result he winds up there, but on crash-arrival his suit runs out of power in the snow, leaving him stranded on the other side of America.
This is where the film takes a plot turn. Beforehand there had been echoes of a political thriller and the war on terror, which has been a long-running thread for entertainment since it started.
However here it moves into the classic "guy-who-has-everything-loses-it-all" territory. Not that this move is a bad thing - if anything it's a refreshing change of pace that allows more about the man behind the mask.
A lot of it hangs on the acting of Downey Jr, which is as accompished as ever. In the first three films to have Iron Man appearing in this guise, he has perfected a blend of arrogance, darkness and quippery and this one is another delightful airing.
Saying that, it does go almost too far when he translates this into departing a boy whose house he crashed in a wave of smartarse-ry.
Nevertheless, there's still a degree of trust in spite of the panic attacks. The Iron Man system is rebooted but soon trouble is emerging again, as Colonel Rhodes' re-painted War Machine (now the Iron Patriot, but still played by Don Cheadle) is taken in a trap in Pakistan when the broadcast hack came from Miami.
Having cracked the code and armed with nothing more than various modified stuff from a DIY store, Stark storms the broadcast compound where the Mandarin reaches the end of his role as villain. Not in the way you may expect, but it is a pretty amusing way with some interesting recollection on the roles of other tyrants.
From ths point, Killian takes over as the main bad guy. He's a nasty man, and his plans accelerate when he blows up Air Force One mid-flight and abducts both Potts and the American President.
This leads to the showstopping climax scene, which is a immensely well-crafted fight between the supersoldiers and all 42 Iron Men, which have remote access. This huge squabble then leads into a double-whammy of a cliffhanger end, which I won't spoil, but I will say it will lead to an interesting development when Tony Stark returns.
All sorts are going on. There's elements of spy film, political thrillers, political and business commentary, conspiracy fiction, some of the darker man-behind-the-mask vibes from The Dark Knight Rises and a few others, but it doesn't feel far removed from Iron Man 1 and 2.
If anything it feels like it's taken these and ran further. Each acting performance is impressive and act out a well-paced script. Everything blends together seamlessly in a very well-crafted piece of film.
If this is an omen for the rest of Marvel's Phase 2, we could be in line for some cinematic gold.
4.5/5
Sunday, 21 April 2013
The Luis Suarez Roadshow Continues
Say what you like about Liverpool's controversy magnet striker Luis Suarez, he doesn't half generate easy content.
Suarez the footballer and Suarez the idiot are two sides of the coin. For everytime the Uruguyan has a masterful performance, he often follows it up with a moment of controversy. This ranges from modern footballing evils like diving to more such stonking rule-bunding like deliberate handball and the downright unlawful like racism.
This weekend, both sides of Suarez reared their heads as Liverpool and Chelsea played out a match at Anfield. Suarez again showed he is key to the attacking play of this Liverpool side, playing many passes, having a sense of purpose when others (most notably Stewart Downing) didn't and being a firecracker up top.
This firecracker sense ended when he made two decisive contributions. The first an expert cross on par with the critically-acclaimed Gareth Bale delivery during the day's early kick-off for Spurs' equaliser. Then, with time ticking out, Suarez delivered a masterful header beyond Petr Cech to give Liverpool a share of the points and maintain any remote hopes Brendan Rodgers' side have of European qualification.
Admittedly he had set up Liverpool for a defeat with an unfortunate but correctly-penalised handball when unsighted by teammate Glen Johnson. But again his contribution heightened the sense that the striker, who is the Premier League's top scorer, is one of the biggest box office draws in the league at present.
However that contribution was overshadowed by the fact he really shouldn't have been on the field to score the goal in the first place.
With the score at 2-1 to Chelsea, Suarez and Chelsea's Serbian defender Branislav Ivanovic tussled for the ball on the edge of the six yard box. This tussle continued until Suarez, for some inexplicable reason, bit Ivanovic just over the elbow.
Suarez has previous, which has perhaps amplified the predictable reaction. While playing for Dutch side Ajax, Suarez bit then-PSV Eindhoven midfielder Otman Bakkal during a tussle towards the end of a fiery game. The "Ajax Cannibal" was duly handed a two game club ban, which was upgraded to a seven game league ban, and was duly sold to Liverpool shortly after.
The Premier League's only real precedent went by unnoticed. It came when Jermain Defoe reacted a mistimed tackle by then-West Ham midfielder Javier Mascherano by taking a nibble. This earnt him a yellow card, which is a bit much given the referee had indeed seen it, but then the England international hardly chomped down on his opponent like he was playing against an all-you-can-eat buffet.
It is an unusual offence and a long way from the common-place extreme offences including biting in ice hockey and rugby, or even the infamous game in Spanish football when a Sevilla player bit a teammate on the dick in celebration.
That one is a bit extreme but did happen.
While he may not have bitten Ivanovic on the dick - although the mocking would be a joy to behold - the more severe bite of Suarez's is likely to earn him a whopper of a ban.
Liverpool seem to have been more mature in dealing with their number 7's latest antics than they did on previous occasions. Their club's reputation was tarnished when Kenny Dalglish inexplicably defended Suarez after the FA had found him guilty of racially abusing Patrice Evra and Dalglish duly ducked the question.
This time Rodgers and club managing director Ian Ayre have come out and said he is an idiot, which is fair enough as he was. Suarez himself has also apologised, both in a statement and to the player himself. Any ban now would be justifiable, and it could arguably be left there. But then the worldwide focus of the game and endless coverage means it won't be the end of it.
All rhetoric surrounding the striker is amplified because he seems to get in trouble every week. The striker came with the reputation after a deliberate handball that denied Ghana a winning goal in a World Cup Quarter Final, and the afformentioned handball incident.
However things have got even more out of control since he put on the red shirt of Liverpool. Some of these have been petty, with Stoke's Tony Pulis in particular taking the biscuit after saying Suarez should've been banned for a simply hilarious dive.
Equally petty and dive-based was the comical dive in front of David Moyes after Everton's manager said his antics were ruining the Premier League ahead of a Merseyside Derby. Though at least these could be brushed off.
Some have been more serious, such as the Suarez-Evra debacle. The eight game ban was fair enough as it was proven he had used racist language, even if his explanation made little sense. This ban was also more uncomfortable was it was extended to nine when he brandished his middle finger at Fulham supporters.
Each individual incident earns it's own myriad spin. This is the way football coverage is nowadays - every voice rants and wails and divulges a tidal wave of opinion that duly swallows up debate.
But at the same time, there is surely a point when Liverpool fans must think "Is Suarez really worth the baggage?"
He is a talented player - one of the best in the league. Without him Liverpool would be nowhere near their current position as few of their players have 30 goals a season in them. But it's a painful situation to be in when the red mist descends, and there is no guarantee this is the last time.
The FA are duly going ahead with an investigation - though if recent form is anything by Suarez should get away with it - and Liverpool can duly assess what they can do with their talented idiot.
What they do is anyone's guess.
Suarez the footballer and Suarez the idiot are two sides of the coin. For everytime the Uruguyan has a masterful performance, he often follows it up with a moment of controversy. This ranges from modern footballing evils like diving to more such stonking rule-bunding like deliberate handball and the downright unlawful like racism.
This weekend, both sides of Suarez reared their heads as Liverpool and Chelsea played out a match at Anfield. Suarez again showed he is key to the attacking play of this Liverpool side, playing many passes, having a sense of purpose when others (most notably Stewart Downing) didn't and being a firecracker up top.
This firecracker sense ended when he made two decisive contributions. The first an expert cross on par with the critically-acclaimed Gareth Bale delivery during the day's early kick-off for Spurs' equaliser. Then, with time ticking out, Suarez delivered a masterful header beyond Petr Cech to give Liverpool a share of the points and maintain any remote hopes Brendan Rodgers' side have of European qualification.
Admittedly he had set up Liverpool for a defeat with an unfortunate but correctly-penalised handball when unsighted by teammate Glen Johnson. But again his contribution heightened the sense that the striker, who is the Premier League's top scorer, is one of the biggest box office draws in the league at present.
However that contribution was overshadowed by the fact he really shouldn't have been on the field to score the goal in the first place.
With the score at 2-1 to Chelsea, Suarez and Chelsea's Serbian defender Branislav Ivanovic tussled for the ball on the edge of the six yard box. This tussle continued until Suarez, for some inexplicable reason, bit Ivanovic just over the elbow.
Suarez has previous, which has perhaps amplified the predictable reaction. While playing for Dutch side Ajax, Suarez bit then-PSV Eindhoven midfielder Otman Bakkal during a tussle towards the end of a fiery game. The "Ajax Cannibal" was duly handed a two game club ban, which was upgraded to a seven game league ban, and was duly sold to Liverpool shortly after.
The Premier League's only real precedent went by unnoticed. It came when Jermain Defoe reacted a mistimed tackle by then-West Ham midfielder Javier Mascherano by taking a nibble. This earnt him a yellow card, which is a bit much given the referee had indeed seen it, but then the England international hardly chomped down on his opponent like he was playing against an all-you-can-eat buffet.
It is an unusual offence and a long way from the common-place extreme offences including biting in ice hockey and rugby, or even the infamous game in Spanish football when a Sevilla player bit a teammate on the dick in celebration.
That one is a bit extreme but did happen.
While he may not have bitten Ivanovic on the dick - although the mocking would be a joy to behold - the more severe bite of Suarez's is likely to earn him a whopper of a ban.
Liverpool seem to have been more mature in dealing with their number 7's latest antics than they did on previous occasions. Their club's reputation was tarnished when Kenny Dalglish inexplicably defended Suarez after the FA had found him guilty of racially abusing Patrice Evra and Dalglish duly ducked the question.
This time Rodgers and club managing director Ian Ayre have come out and said he is an idiot, which is fair enough as he was. Suarez himself has also apologised, both in a statement and to the player himself. Any ban now would be justifiable, and it could arguably be left there. But then the worldwide focus of the game and endless coverage means it won't be the end of it.
All rhetoric surrounding the striker is amplified because he seems to get in trouble every week. The striker came with the reputation after a deliberate handball that denied Ghana a winning goal in a World Cup Quarter Final, and the afformentioned handball incident.
However things have got even more out of control since he put on the red shirt of Liverpool. Some of these have been petty, with Stoke's Tony Pulis in particular taking the biscuit after saying Suarez should've been banned for a simply hilarious dive.
Equally petty and dive-based was the comical dive in front of David Moyes after Everton's manager said his antics were ruining the Premier League ahead of a Merseyside Derby. Though at least these could be brushed off.
Some have been more serious, such as the Suarez-Evra debacle. The eight game ban was fair enough as it was proven he had used racist language, even if his explanation made little sense. This ban was also more uncomfortable was it was extended to nine when he brandished his middle finger at Fulham supporters.
Each individual incident earns it's own myriad spin. This is the way football coverage is nowadays - every voice rants and wails and divulges a tidal wave of opinion that duly swallows up debate.
But at the same time, there is surely a point when Liverpool fans must think "Is Suarez really worth the baggage?"
He is a talented player - one of the best in the league. Without him Liverpool would be nowhere near their current position as few of their players have 30 goals a season in them. But it's a painful situation to be in when the red mist descends, and there is no guarantee this is the last time.
The FA are duly going ahead with an investigation - though if recent form is anything by Suarez should get away with it - and Liverpool can duly assess what they can do with their talented idiot.
What they do is anyone's guess.
Sunday, 14 April 2013
Betrayed By Football
Last week, everything looked rosy in the Newcastle United world.
Yes, the Europa League was looking a tough ask at 3-1 down to Benfica, but we had signs of possibly being able to topple the team, and with a 1-0 win over Fulham a giant stride towards Premier League survival had been made.
One week later, a 1-1 draw with Benfica meant it was close but no cigar. However it was the visit of Sunderland where everything has duly fallen to bits.
Many fans came into the Tyne-Wear Derby thinking that the Paolo di Canio factor had unsettled the Wearsiders. But the visitors circumvented this expectation with some style.
What went wrong this time?
As this season has gone on, we've all picked up a few things. The obvious one was that our squad is not large enough and despite the French influx in January, that remains true.
Obviously very few squads can cope with a massive injury problem and, with the previously reported figure of 70 injuries over the course of the season rapidly turning into 80, that was never going to help.
But that is little excuse for a team that was virtually first-choice getting floored by their counterparts today. Di Canio had been making noise in the week and that passion, clearly evident in three celebrations that Mourinho would've been proud of, rubbed off an accomplished display. You can debate all day long about how much he follows fascist beliefs but as a manager, he did exceptionally well.
Saying that, his team's ambition of victory were aided by a Newcastle performance so useless and inept it's a wonder that the squad have not been collectively dismissed.
Few players can argue with such a decision if they were.
Chief in the useless stakes were Jonas Gutierrez and Cheick Tiote. These two have been a hindrance virtually all season long. But here, they outdid themselves. Tiote was invisible in midfield with even his more combative attributes nowhere to be seen. This was despite Sunderland's central midfield being equally weak and often bypassed in favour of direct balls.
Helping this was Gutierrez, who after a few solid outings has sadly reverted to the waste of a shirt he spent the bulk of the season being. His assist for Sunderland's first was an impeccale example of uselessness and things hardly improved from there.
With Massadio Haidara returning significantly earlier than expected from McManaman-related injuries, it is imperative he gets game time as Gutierrez just isn't the full back he shows signs of being.
Beyond them and there was trouble everywhere. Yohan Cabaye was off-colour, Moussa Sissoko was invisible, Steven Taylor was overrun everytime he was challenged, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa struggled with Danny Graham and Mathieu Debuchy was underwhelming.
While the other players had reasonable attempts of playing football, the presence of so many passengers meant Sunderland were bound to cause problems. Yes, an energetic display against Benfica was going to cause problems, but why not play more of the players who started that one on the bench?
We may have a thin squad but we do have a squad, and more of it should have been used. Plus, with five changes, surely we had enough players in reserve not fatigued enough to at least attempt getting a result.
Along with a tired team, there was also no tactical answer to a Sunderland side that acted like it had been inhaling pure caffeine in the dressing room pre-game. It defies belief that we had a system to counteract the high-tempo game Southampton bought to St. James' a few days after an energy-sapping Europa League contest, but then failed to bring it in for this one.
Some people can argue this is a "once in a blue moon" display - the kind that happens once in a generation at the end of a perfect storm. In one respect, that's true.
Things could well have gone differently had Papiss Cisse not had a goal incorrectly ruled offside by a linesman who seemed to be out-flummoxed by white paint.
Also not helping was a season-ending injury for Tim Krul. The Dutchman fell awkwardly on his shoulder and back into the treatment room a few weeks after leaving Ukraine on crutches with an ankle injury.
Sunderland's three goals were also pretty special. Aided by crap defending, perhaps, but the finishes from their players were equally impressive.
Their fans will be pleased to get a once in a blue moon result. Like we did with the impeccable 5-1 victory back in 2010, they had a performance and a result to saviour. As for us, we can also reflect this as a once in a blue moon when a perfect storm has conspired to give Sunderland a victory unprecedented in modern times.
But there's been plenty of "once in a blue moon" displays we've been on the wrong end of this season. The 7 goals at Arsenal. The shambolic ineptitude of the Brighton defeat. The unmitigated disaster at home to Reading. Assorted defeats to the likes of Swansea (twice), West Ham, Southampton, Stoke and Fulham - all teams we should be beating, and all teams who instead sussed us out and got the points.
Plus, with a few early decisions going their way, Sunderland could well have had more. We can have no complaints from a truly depressing game that puts serious questions on everything to do with the club.
At some point, all of this piles up and leads to questions being asked. It points to someone in the chain of command doing their job poorly, and leaving us up shit creek without a paddle.
Last season's 5th place finish was a majestic turn of events when the stars, for once, all lined up in the pattern we wanted to. This time around, chaos has ruled.
What of last season's LMA Manager of the Year, who was rightly heralded for that season?
The tipping point for Alan Pardew was the defeat by Reading in January. Had he been fired then, there would have been no argument. To do so now would be rash in the extreme, not least given he was since backed to the tune of £25million in January and has a squad that should be more than capable of keeping us in the Premier League, probably more.
Beyond then, a question has to be asked - is he good enough?
Tactically, things have been wrong virtually all season, from trying to please cry-baby Demba Ba, to leaving Papiss Cisse in a hold-it-up role he doesn't look suited for, to the continued selections of Tiote and Jonas.
Any other manager could have managed more than one away win, and certainly a better performance than this atrocity. They also could have fired up the players better, but instead both management and team looked flat thoroughout.
There is no question Pardew should keep the club in the league. He has the squad and should have the knowhow to at least do that. But we need to ask ourselves "Is he the right man for the future?"
He has five games to convince us that is the case, or a seemingly unthinkable change will have to be reality. His time starts now...
Yes, the Europa League was looking a tough ask at 3-1 down to Benfica, but we had signs of possibly being able to topple the team, and with a 1-0 win over Fulham a giant stride towards Premier League survival had been made.
One week later, a 1-1 draw with Benfica meant it was close but no cigar. However it was the visit of Sunderland where everything has duly fallen to bits.
Many fans came into the Tyne-Wear Derby thinking that the Paolo di Canio factor had unsettled the Wearsiders. But the visitors circumvented this expectation with some style.
What went wrong this time?
As this season has gone on, we've all picked up a few things. The obvious one was that our squad is not large enough and despite the French influx in January, that remains true.
Obviously very few squads can cope with a massive injury problem and, with the previously reported figure of 70 injuries over the course of the season rapidly turning into 80, that was never going to help.
But that is little excuse for a team that was virtually first-choice getting floored by their counterparts today. Di Canio had been making noise in the week and that passion, clearly evident in three celebrations that Mourinho would've been proud of, rubbed off an accomplished display. You can debate all day long about how much he follows fascist beliefs but as a manager, he did exceptionally well.
Saying that, his team's ambition of victory were aided by a Newcastle performance so useless and inept it's a wonder that the squad have not been collectively dismissed.
Few players can argue with such a decision if they were.
Chief in the useless stakes were Jonas Gutierrez and Cheick Tiote. These two have been a hindrance virtually all season long. But here, they outdid themselves. Tiote was invisible in midfield with even his more combative attributes nowhere to be seen. This was despite Sunderland's central midfield being equally weak and often bypassed in favour of direct balls.
Helping this was Gutierrez, who after a few solid outings has sadly reverted to the waste of a shirt he spent the bulk of the season being. His assist for Sunderland's first was an impeccale example of uselessness and things hardly improved from there.
With Massadio Haidara returning significantly earlier than expected from McManaman-related injuries, it is imperative he gets game time as Gutierrez just isn't the full back he shows signs of being.
Beyond them and there was trouble everywhere. Yohan Cabaye was off-colour, Moussa Sissoko was invisible, Steven Taylor was overrun everytime he was challenged, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa struggled with Danny Graham and Mathieu Debuchy was underwhelming.
While the other players had reasonable attempts of playing football, the presence of so many passengers meant Sunderland were bound to cause problems. Yes, an energetic display against Benfica was going to cause problems, but why not play more of the players who started that one on the bench?
We may have a thin squad but we do have a squad, and more of it should have been used. Plus, with five changes, surely we had enough players in reserve not fatigued enough to at least attempt getting a result.
Along with a tired team, there was also no tactical answer to a Sunderland side that acted like it had been inhaling pure caffeine in the dressing room pre-game. It defies belief that we had a system to counteract the high-tempo game Southampton bought to St. James' a few days after an energy-sapping Europa League contest, but then failed to bring it in for this one.
Some people can argue this is a "once in a blue moon" display - the kind that happens once in a generation at the end of a perfect storm. In one respect, that's true.
Things could well have gone differently had Papiss Cisse not had a goal incorrectly ruled offside by a linesman who seemed to be out-flummoxed by white paint.
Also not helping was a season-ending injury for Tim Krul. The Dutchman fell awkwardly on his shoulder and back into the treatment room a few weeks after leaving Ukraine on crutches with an ankle injury.
Sunderland's three goals were also pretty special. Aided by crap defending, perhaps, but the finishes from their players were equally impressive.
Their fans will be pleased to get a once in a blue moon result. Like we did with the impeccable 5-1 victory back in 2010, they had a performance and a result to saviour. As for us, we can also reflect this as a once in a blue moon when a perfect storm has conspired to give Sunderland a victory unprecedented in modern times.
But there's been plenty of "once in a blue moon" displays we've been on the wrong end of this season. The 7 goals at Arsenal. The shambolic ineptitude of the Brighton defeat. The unmitigated disaster at home to Reading. Assorted defeats to the likes of Swansea (twice), West Ham, Southampton, Stoke and Fulham - all teams we should be beating, and all teams who instead sussed us out and got the points.
Plus, with a few early decisions going their way, Sunderland could well have had more. We can have no complaints from a truly depressing game that puts serious questions on everything to do with the club.
At some point, all of this piles up and leads to questions being asked. It points to someone in the chain of command doing their job poorly, and leaving us up shit creek without a paddle.
Last season's 5th place finish was a majestic turn of events when the stars, for once, all lined up in the pattern we wanted to. This time around, chaos has ruled.
What of last season's LMA Manager of the Year, who was rightly heralded for that season?
The tipping point for Alan Pardew was the defeat by Reading in January. Had he been fired then, there would have been no argument. To do so now would be rash in the extreme, not least given he was since backed to the tune of £25million in January and has a squad that should be more than capable of keeping us in the Premier League, probably more.
Beyond then, a question has to be asked - is he good enough?
Tactically, things have been wrong virtually all season, from trying to please cry-baby Demba Ba, to leaving Papiss Cisse in a hold-it-up role he doesn't look suited for, to the continued selections of Tiote and Jonas.
Any other manager could have managed more than one away win, and certainly a better performance than this atrocity. They also could have fired up the players better, but instead both management and team looked flat thoroughout.
There is no question Pardew should keep the club in the league. He has the squad and should have the knowhow to at least do that. But we need to ask ourselves "Is he the right man for the future?"
He has five games to convince us that is the case, or a seemingly unthinkable change will have to be reality. His time starts now...
Friday, 12 April 2013
Dark Skies - Film Review
*CAUTION: This review contains spoilers for Dark Skies. If you haven't seen it and wish to do so, proceed with caution.*
Horror films are a strange breed in contemporary cinema. The idea of short-sharp shock to the system that give people a super-shot of adrenaline is as old as film itself - indeed, the first film ever shown in public was of a train filmed so it came towards the audience, which terrified the people of the time.
They are also relatively straight forward to make, which explains why there's almost always several horror films in the cinema at once. But after a while there's an issue of horror films blending into one.
Certain cliches pop up time after time, particularly in films that have a run of build-up franchises like Saw and Final Destination.
More recently, the Paranormal Activity film behemoth with it's own repetetive visual language has stormed the world of horror. Films with creeping up, possession of kids and 'found video footage' from static security cameras are the new hot ticket, free for excessive parodying by the underwhelming Scary Movie franchise.
But it's also free for the producers, buoyed by such success, to go on and attempt slightly-differing recreations of this format.
Lo and behold, the producers of both this have their new recreation. Dark Skies is an attempt to marry the Paranormal Activity blueprint to a conspiracy-based covert alien invasion thing, similar to the Silence in the 2011 series of Doctor Who.
The story is set early on. We're introduced to the Barrett family - an implausibly glamorous middle class family with Daniel, a struggling architect dad, Lacy, a moderately-succesful estate agent mum and two sons, Jesse and Sam.
Early on there's the slightly strange way to unsettle when all the vegetables are eaten from their fridge - a plot point that never actually gets explained. This is then followed up with an unusual art installation made of all the cans and food packages, and all the photos from the living room are stolen.
The police think the kids did it, while the security system company are confused. Daniel wants to ignore it because his financial issues are giving him enough grief. However things get more inexplicable.
The first is the more bizarre point of Sammy pissing himself and screaming in the middle of a park, which oddly recalls a South Park parody of Ghost Hunters. Soon enough, 800 birds suicide-dive into their house in a cliche move of animals behaving weird. Sammy then runs outside in the middle of the night after being potentially abducted by a ghostly grey individual, with no recollection of how he moved. Then Lacy is affected when she freezes, bashes her head against a glass door, blacks out and gets suspended.
Trouble is, this is all cliche. It all feels that, although the cast is doing well to perform the script, it just feels lazy.
Daniel duly engages in a sort-of avalanche nosebleed, just as Lacy discovers the potential alien intent. This is the point where the film tries to move from sub-standard horror cliche into a more sci-fi conspiracy mood, with references to the Alaskan HAARP program, simultaneous bird deaths, children's drawings of tall grey men and the like.
Around this point the Paranormal Activity section is thrown in, with a video camera feed that frequently flickers.
It also turns into the "they're coming up with this bullshit to distract them from neglicence rumours" storyline. Outsiders believe they're abusing the children, with Sammy covered in purple marks and Jesse covered in a bizarre red crop-circle like painting after he is hospitalised with a BB gun wound/possession.
Of course, you're not going to help by beating up the kids' friends and duly getting punched in the face by the kid's dad. But that doesn't stop Daniel beating up Jessie's friend Ratner, and duly getting floored by Ratner's dad.
After that night sees Sammy sport black holes for eyes and video camera footage reveals dark figures standing over the beds, we're duly introduced to the conspiracy specialist.
Edwin Pollard, who looks a little like Rupert Murdoch, explains the presence of aliens that have secretly taken over the world and regularly adbuct children on a mysterious level. He informs them that they are bugs in the alien system and that there is nothing to do to escape them apart from keeping Sammy, who they think is the target.
They get a dog, a gun and chipboard for windows, and try to stick together but ultimately it's too late as they're hunted down. The greys at this point are fairly freaky, but not spectacularly so.
A prequisite twist comes at the point abduction, before a final move away, and a final contact with the abducted kid ends the film on 97 minutes, which is probably fair enough.
Ultimately the film has good actors and some mildly scary moments, but it seems to be a cliche horror script bolted and remade with a conspiracy concept that has been done better in other films. There's nothing extremely terrible about it all and for what it is it's an alright job but it just feels a bit cliche and unremarkable. There are certainly better films out there to see.
2.5/5
Horror films are a strange breed in contemporary cinema. The idea of short-sharp shock to the system that give people a super-shot of adrenaline is as old as film itself - indeed, the first film ever shown in public was of a train filmed so it came towards the audience, which terrified the people of the time.
They are also relatively straight forward to make, which explains why there's almost always several horror films in the cinema at once. But after a while there's an issue of horror films blending into one.
Certain cliches pop up time after time, particularly in films that have a run of build-up franchises like Saw and Final Destination.
More recently, the Paranormal Activity film behemoth with it's own repetetive visual language has stormed the world of horror. Films with creeping up, possession of kids and 'found video footage' from static security cameras are the new hot ticket, free for excessive parodying by the underwhelming Scary Movie franchise.
But it's also free for the producers, buoyed by such success, to go on and attempt slightly-differing recreations of this format.
Lo and behold, the producers of both this have their new recreation. Dark Skies is an attempt to marry the Paranormal Activity blueprint to a conspiracy-based covert alien invasion thing, similar to the Silence in the 2011 series of Doctor Who.
The story is set early on. We're introduced to the Barrett family - an implausibly glamorous middle class family with Daniel, a struggling architect dad, Lacy, a moderately-succesful estate agent mum and two sons, Jesse and Sam.
Early on there's the slightly strange way to unsettle when all the vegetables are eaten from their fridge - a plot point that never actually gets explained. This is then followed up with an unusual art installation made of all the cans and food packages, and all the photos from the living room are stolen.
The police think the kids did it, while the security system company are confused. Daniel wants to ignore it because his financial issues are giving him enough grief. However things get more inexplicable.
The first is the more bizarre point of Sammy pissing himself and screaming in the middle of a park, which oddly recalls a South Park parody of Ghost Hunters. Soon enough, 800 birds suicide-dive into their house in a cliche move of animals behaving weird. Sammy then runs outside in the middle of the night after being potentially abducted by a ghostly grey individual, with no recollection of how he moved. Then Lacy is affected when she freezes, bashes her head against a glass door, blacks out and gets suspended.
Trouble is, this is all cliche. It all feels that, although the cast is doing well to perform the script, it just feels lazy.
Daniel duly engages in a sort-of avalanche nosebleed, just as Lacy discovers the potential alien intent. This is the point where the film tries to move from sub-standard horror cliche into a more sci-fi conspiracy mood, with references to the Alaskan HAARP program, simultaneous bird deaths, children's drawings of tall grey men and the like.
Around this point the Paranormal Activity section is thrown in, with a video camera feed that frequently flickers.
It also turns into the "they're coming up with this bullshit to distract them from neglicence rumours" storyline. Outsiders believe they're abusing the children, with Sammy covered in purple marks and Jesse covered in a bizarre red crop-circle like painting after he is hospitalised with a BB gun wound/possession.
Of course, you're not going to help by beating up the kids' friends and duly getting punched in the face by the kid's dad. But that doesn't stop Daniel beating up Jessie's friend Ratner, and duly getting floored by Ratner's dad.
After that night sees Sammy sport black holes for eyes and video camera footage reveals dark figures standing over the beds, we're duly introduced to the conspiracy specialist.
Edwin Pollard, who looks a little like Rupert Murdoch, explains the presence of aliens that have secretly taken over the world and regularly adbuct children on a mysterious level. He informs them that they are bugs in the alien system and that there is nothing to do to escape them apart from keeping Sammy, who they think is the target.
They get a dog, a gun and chipboard for windows, and try to stick together but ultimately it's too late as they're hunted down. The greys at this point are fairly freaky, but not spectacularly so.
A prequisite twist comes at the point abduction, before a final move away, and a final contact with the abducted kid ends the film on 97 minutes, which is probably fair enough.
Ultimately the film has good actors and some mildly scary moments, but it seems to be a cliche horror script bolted and remade with a conspiracy concept that has been done better in other films. There's nothing extremely terrible about it all and for what it is it's an alright job but it just feels a bit cliche and unremarkable. There are certainly better films out there to see.
2.5/5
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