The return of Franz Ferdinand has been met with a variety of viewpoints but their return has been met with more of what they're known for.
The new album provides more stuff to couple to the stellar back catalogue, which still has its grand collection of disco-rock riffery and bold, heavy choruses.
While their absence has been ended by a number of people going "... they're still going?!?", its a welcome sight to see, particularly given it looked at one point like the end would have come.
That strong back catalogue of Franz's and the new stuff is all on show in the Electric nightclub. An electronic classical intro gives way to the stomping crunch of new album lead single Right Action, which for a single only a few months old is already sending crowds mad.
True insanity follows for the delightful No You Girls and Tell Her Tonight. These show Franz at their classic best - huge choruses, jagged riffs, clever verse lines and a riff to send crowds into a frenzy.
Its all well and good seeing the band at bigger shows but this one feels huge in its own right. Plus it has the intimacy that escapes bigger gigs, mainly in evidence when rhyhtm guitarist Nick McCarthy vaults over the short barrier and dives into the moshpit to crowdsurf while playing the storming riff to Do You Want To.
This cascades into the equally glorious Dark Of The Matinee, but there's more going on then a simple run through of all the oldies.
New tunes like Evil Eye and Fresh Strawberries hold their own in their esteemed company. The former grooves along on its bouncy bass-funk and police sirens, while the latter's Beatles-y riff shimmers gracefully in the venue and even inspires a few singalongs in the crowd.
The oldies are, as expected, the big singalongs. The homo-erotic rush of early hit Michael and the gorgeous balladry of Walk Away have graced bigger stages than this but their effect is in no way diluted by our smaller surroundings.
A healthy pattern of trading off newies with oldies also transpires, with the meandering Stand On The Horizon and the heady angst-riddled rush of Bullet alternating with The Fallen and This Fire. But naturally, the moment of absolute hysteria arrives soon enough when the march of Take Me Out rumbles out of the speakers.
What follows is 4 moments of glorious delirium, with a particular delight being as the song slows into its trademark riff and the whole room is bouncing and singing like their lives depend on it.
The band are clearly having fun, with singer Alex Kapranos bounding around the stage like a man half his age and McCarthy similarly agile around the stage, alternating between guitar and keyboard. They top the expert grooves that helps to contribute to the delightful music pumping into the room, to which the audience obliges with sweaty hysteria.
A one-two of new single Love Illumination and the disco-popper Ulysses brings the main set to a satisfying end. A further three tunes then appear for the encore.
Sadly Outsiders and the long-standing drum-jam that normally follows are not included but the encore is nevertheless a further strong trio, with Right Thoughts... highlight Treason! Animals. and the bouncing rush of first album opener Jacqueline particular highlights.
If new track Goodbye Lovers and Friends is a little anticlimactic to end - even with its suitably finishing lyric - its still another bouncer that brings a raucous gig to a satisfying conclusion.
Kudos, too, to the cheek of McCarthy to say "you can keep him" when Kapranos dives into the pit after the post-gig bow.
But all in all it was a delightful gig. The right atmosphere to see the band helped - up close and in the audience faces, sending many pop confections that truly satisfied the band's original brief of "making music girls can dance to".
Gigs like this will certainly help promote the stellar new album, while providing the right recollections of a band with one of modern rock's strongest back catalogues.
At the end of the day, that's the kind of thing to love.
4/5
Indie 3 piece Primitive Parts provided the support slot for the Glasweigan headliners. While their sound was not as polished and suffered a little, they delivered a composed and comfortable evening's work. Their unusual dynamic of having 2 guitarists and no bassist also gelled as the evening progressed. They also ended on a welcome surprise, by playing a song from the Yummy Fur - one of Alex Kapranos' pre-Franz bands.
Tuesday, 20 August 2013
Monday, 19 August 2013
Franz Ferdinand - Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action: Album Review
Back in 2006, eagle-eyed viewers for an episode of Doctor Who set at the 2012 Olympics could spot a cheeky "Franz Ferdinand Greatest Hits" flyer as the TARDIS landed.
At the time it seemed a sure thing - FF were becoming a big band, graduating to headline Reading Festival alongside Muse and Pearl Jam, and sitting high in the pantheon of bands.
Things haven't quite materialised that way - an elongated creative process for Tonight:Franz Ferdinand, the admission they had to change things they didn't like to make a new album and a fits-and-starts recording process means no best of album came out around the Olympics.
But at least unlike Shayne Ward - the other flier stuck down - they're still around. They have a new album introduced by two very fresh pop-rockers that sound like a big upgrade on the signature sound. Some four and a half years after Tonight:Franz Ferdinand came out, the Glasgow dance-rockers are back with an album touted as a return to the soundscapes and punching choruses of their 2004 debut album.
So what have they presented?
1. Right Action
Franz have opened two of their albums with songs starting subtle and building up into mass hysteria (Jacqueline, Ulysses). Here, it feels like we're mid-song barely seconds in, with a powerful chorus atop a bold rhythm powering past with 23 seconds on the clock. It sounds brilliant on repeat listening where everything comes together and seeps together quickly.
2. Evil Eye
The album's 3rd single starts with a cheery squawk of "What's the colour of the next car? It's red ya bastard!" backtracked by a very funky riff that sounds almost like Chic and at times recalls Take Me Out. Its got to it a very funky strut, topped off with a number of police siren noises and the unnerving feeling of being pursued. It all pulls together, with a great bouncy groove to it.
3. Love Illumination
While there is some online notoriety for its conspiracy theorist-baiting video, this song is particularly pleasant. It's a huge song built on huge choruses and dirty riffs, and it has an almost instant-spark. The random oboe, saxophone and keyboard solos also give it the good experimental touches to build on the straight-up sleazy rocker its based upon.
4. Stand on the Horizon
After 3 pummelling pop-rockers, this song starts more laid back and wistfully. This song changes character throughout, quickly dispensing with its quieter intro for 80s disco-rock before moving into a more electronic style, and then ending with forlorn cries of "the North Sea sings won't you come to me?". It's certainly an impressive melding of styles and scopes.
5. Fresh Strawberries
"A fresh burst of red strawberries, ripe, turning riper in the bowl, we will soon be rotten, we will all be forgotten" is the pleasingly optimistic intro to this one. This coda leads into a pleasantly spright pop tune that recalls the Beatles, built atop a spindly riff and a dark lyrical heart wondering "wouldn't it be easier to believe?". This is a nice song.
6. Bullet
This song begins with a the breakneck-speed indie reminiscent of first FF single Darts of Pleasure, before it moves into a storming marcher. Its another unsettling but forthright chorus - "I'll never get your bullet of my head now, baby" - but it lurches along nicely before reaching an end inside 2:45. It feels a bit eager to reach its destination though.
7. Treason! Animals.
If the last song was lyrically unsettling, this is almost one stop beyond. Led by burbling synths and bass, the paranoia is big early on with cries of "Something has really gone wrong here". Before long there's another fine chorus but its after the second chorus where things get interesting, as synths blossom and Kaparnos' paranoid prose moves into overdrive before the song closes up. Its a delightful highlight.
8. The Universe Expanded
This one's an interesting one, starting up with sci-fi synths and an unsettling guitar riff. Its an intriguing concept both musically and lyrically, where the author seems occupied with wanting to reverse time to escape the pain of an ending romance - "unbake a cake", "tears roll back" - before having a spikey chorus buried in the middle about how "when the universe has expanded, time will contract, you'll come back". Its a pleasant listen with the only complaint being it ends a wee bit abruptly.
9. Brief Encounters
This song is probably the nearest to Tonight on the album, both musically and lyrically. Its pillow talk of being "on the edge of Ambrosia", then being "rigid in the matrimonial superking bed" following sleazy affairs, all backed by creeping synths and random spurts of aggressive guitar. Its decent but there's better here.
10. Goodbye Lovers and Friends
Kapranos cheerily talked on BBC that this song is "imagining giving my own nostalgia-free eulogy". Its a sweet musical bed of tribal percussion and bubbly 80s-keys backing bitter lines like "don't fake your memories" and "don't give me virtues I never had". The song's cheekiest line "Don't play pop music - you know I hate pop music" starts the tune and also appears near the end, followed up by a resigned cry of "this is the end", bringing the album and a very satisfying tune to the end.
Its clear that Franz's return has seen them come back with some of their usual tricks. Jagged-edge riffs, bouncing rhythms and intelligently crafted choruses are the range here, and all are fuelled by a darker heart than the band's previous records - perhaps borne of the troubles in the band post-Tonight.
Certainly its a return to form and a delightful album at that.
4/5
At the time it seemed a sure thing - FF were becoming a big band, graduating to headline Reading Festival alongside Muse and Pearl Jam, and sitting high in the pantheon of bands.
Things haven't quite materialised that way - an elongated creative process for Tonight:Franz Ferdinand, the admission they had to change things they didn't like to make a new album and a fits-and-starts recording process means no best of album came out around the Olympics.
But at least unlike Shayne Ward - the other flier stuck down - they're still around. They have a new album introduced by two very fresh pop-rockers that sound like a big upgrade on the signature sound. Some four and a half years after Tonight:Franz Ferdinand came out, the Glasgow dance-rockers are back with an album touted as a return to the soundscapes and punching choruses of their 2004 debut album.
So what have they presented?
1. Right Action
Franz have opened two of their albums with songs starting subtle and building up into mass hysteria (Jacqueline, Ulysses). Here, it feels like we're mid-song barely seconds in, with a powerful chorus atop a bold rhythm powering past with 23 seconds on the clock. It sounds brilliant on repeat listening where everything comes together and seeps together quickly.
2. Evil Eye
The album's 3rd single starts with a cheery squawk of "What's the colour of the next car? It's red ya bastard!" backtracked by a very funky riff that sounds almost like Chic and at times recalls Take Me Out. Its got to it a very funky strut, topped off with a number of police siren noises and the unnerving feeling of being pursued. It all pulls together, with a great bouncy groove to it.
3. Love Illumination
While there is some online notoriety for its conspiracy theorist-baiting video, this song is particularly pleasant. It's a huge song built on huge choruses and dirty riffs, and it has an almost instant-spark. The random oboe, saxophone and keyboard solos also give it the good experimental touches to build on the straight-up sleazy rocker its based upon.
4. Stand on the Horizon
After 3 pummelling pop-rockers, this song starts more laid back and wistfully. This song changes character throughout, quickly dispensing with its quieter intro for 80s disco-rock before moving into a more electronic style, and then ending with forlorn cries of "the North Sea sings won't you come to me?". It's certainly an impressive melding of styles and scopes.
5. Fresh Strawberries
"A fresh burst of red strawberries, ripe, turning riper in the bowl, we will soon be rotten, we will all be forgotten" is the pleasingly optimistic intro to this one. This coda leads into a pleasantly spright pop tune that recalls the Beatles, built atop a spindly riff and a dark lyrical heart wondering "wouldn't it be easier to believe?". This is a nice song.
6. Bullet
This song begins with a the breakneck-speed indie reminiscent of first FF single Darts of Pleasure, before it moves into a storming marcher. Its another unsettling but forthright chorus - "I'll never get your bullet of my head now, baby" - but it lurches along nicely before reaching an end inside 2:45. It feels a bit eager to reach its destination though.
7. Treason! Animals.
If the last song was lyrically unsettling, this is almost one stop beyond. Led by burbling synths and bass, the paranoia is big early on with cries of "Something has really gone wrong here". Before long there's another fine chorus but its after the second chorus where things get interesting, as synths blossom and Kaparnos' paranoid prose moves into overdrive before the song closes up. Its a delightful highlight.
8. The Universe Expanded
This one's an interesting one, starting up with sci-fi synths and an unsettling guitar riff. Its an intriguing concept both musically and lyrically, where the author seems occupied with wanting to reverse time to escape the pain of an ending romance - "unbake a cake", "tears roll back" - before having a spikey chorus buried in the middle about how "when the universe has expanded, time will contract, you'll come back". Its a pleasant listen with the only complaint being it ends a wee bit abruptly.
9. Brief Encounters
This song is probably the nearest to Tonight on the album, both musically and lyrically. Its pillow talk of being "on the edge of Ambrosia", then being "rigid in the matrimonial superking bed" following sleazy affairs, all backed by creeping synths and random spurts of aggressive guitar. Its decent but there's better here.
10. Goodbye Lovers and Friends
Kapranos cheerily talked on BBC that this song is "imagining giving my own nostalgia-free eulogy". Its a sweet musical bed of tribal percussion and bubbly 80s-keys backing bitter lines like "don't fake your memories" and "don't give me virtues I never had". The song's cheekiest line "Don't play pop music - you know I hate pop music" starts the tune and also appears near the end, followed up by a resigned cry of "this is the end", bringing the album and a very satisfying tune to the end.
Its clear that Franz's return has seen them come back with some of their usual tricks. Jagged-edge riffs, bouncing rhythms and intelligently crafted choruses are the range here, and all are fuelled by a darker heart than the band's previous records - perhaps borne of the troubles in the band post-Tonight.
Certainly its a return to form and a delightful album at that.
4/5
Monday, 12 August 2013
Newcastle United 2013-14 Season Preview
After a preposterous summer, the Toon Army are gearing up for the latest adventure.
Newcastle United are looking to improve after the exceptionally disappointing 2012-13 season, where the club failed to cope with their extended Europa League exertion coinciding with the Premier League campaign.
The summer has been the usual chaos seemingly token for a pre-season campaign at St. James' Park, with Joe Kinnear swanning into the Director of Football role for seemingly no reason.
The fans were predictably not amused, and the brows were furrowed further when Kinnear made an aching big tit of himself on TalkSport when he managed to mispronounced the names of several key players, saw of Managing Director Derek Llambias and reportedly blocked a deal to sign centre back Douglas from FC Twente on the grounds he knew nothing about the player.
With rumours the club wanted Pardew's former West Ham staples James Tomkins and Carlton Cole and Liverpool misfit Stewart Downing, the fans feared the worst.
However the transfer market has been surprisingly quiet. Only two signings have made the move to Tyneside, albeit not for the want of the rumour mill's trying.
The team begins the campaign on Monday 19th at Manchester City, which is an awful place to start given the Citizens mauled us 4-0 in March. The fixture list however is relatively calm afterwards, with Everton the only other biggish side in the first seven matches. Wins against the likes of Fulham and Hull, for example, will be crucial.
A few thoughts:
What Would Be A Great Season?: Solid midtable going higher. It would be fantastic if the 2011-12 season could be replicated but that seems unlikely at present.
What Would Be A Horrible Season?: Watching Joe Kinnear valiantly lead the team towards the Championship, with a legion of underperformers wanting out.
What's The Likelier Outcome?: As ever with the Toon, its a job to say. The team has a great squad that fell dramatically astray last year and its a challenge to guess what will happen. It is likely we will wind up in another midtable position.
Key Player: Yohan Cabaye. He can provide a great presence in midfield and the creative spark that can fuel the team's attacking intent.
Needs To Improve: Cheick Tiote was a frequent liability last year as he often gets suspended or gives away possession cheaply. Somewhere in him is the man who was a midfield king a few years back and he has to rediscover the form.
Will Be Missed: The versatility of James Perch made him a valued asset and his departure to Wigan Athletic robs the squad of a key utility option.
Good That He's Still Here: After a summer of rumours linking Cabaye, Hatem Ben Arfa and Papiss Cisse with moves out, its surprising that all are still here. But given they are very important players that fact is also very welcome.
Why Is He Still Here: Mike Williamson's awful defensive record last year led to him being linked with Cardiff but despite a reported move he's annoyingly still here. The collapse of Dan Gosling's move to Crystal Palace also means we're still lumped with him.
Incoming: The club have made all of two signings, with loan striker Loic Remy and youngster Oliver Kemen moving to St. James' Park. Remy has the chance to prove himself after controversially rejecting the Toon for QPR in January. Other moves have failed but one or two more incomings are likely before the end of August.
The Manager: 2012-13 was a troubling campaign for Alan Pardew, who celebrated his 8 year contract by embarking on a ridiculously poor run of form. The arrival of Kinnear is not a reassuring touch as Ashley seems to be stacking the deck back in his favour, although a few good results could put Pardew back in the good books.
Something To Keep From Last Year: The bleeding of youngsters was encouraging but a number of them are yet to convince as regulars. However Paul Dummett and Sammy Ameobi have shown some form in pre-season, while Gael Bigirimana is still an exciting prospect.
Something To Improve: There are all sorts of things. Corners - though the fact we scored from one against Braga indicates a change in luck. Giving away penalties. Defensive positioning. Attitude. Retaining possession. Incoherent tactics. I could go on but there really would be no point.
Pre-Season:
Motherwell (A) 4-2 win
Rio Ave (A) 3-1 defeat
Pacos de Ferreira (A) 1-1 draw
Blackpool (A) 1-0 win
St. Mirren (A) 2-0 win
Rangers (A) 1-1 draw
Braga (H) 1-1 draw
A Word On The New Kits: The first new kits with Wonga.com on the front includes a new home kit where the standard black and white stripes includes additional thin blue stripes in the black ones and two thin blue stripes down the side of the kit. The away, by contrast, uses a very dark blue with Puma's standard shoulder stripes similar to the Wolves away kit. An alternative black and white half-and-half kit was used for the Braga match as a one-off, while a yellow third kit similar to Cardiff City's is also rumoured. They're all surprisingly decent but as formulaic as ever.
So, the all important final question...
Where Will We Finish?
In all probability, the fact we have a squad capable of both great things and self destructive relegation means we're likely to come nowhere near either extreme. Midtable beckons - 8th-12th, by my reckoning.
But of course, this is the time for prediction and few of them turn up right. Indeed, we hope for exciting things from Newcastle United this season and we look forward to see the season go ahead. With any luck any new season optimism will last longer then the likely opening day humping by Manchester City...
Newcastle United are looking to improve after the exceptionally disappointing 2012-13 season, where the club failed to cope with their extended Europa League exertion coinciding with the Premier League campaign.
The summer has been the usual chaos seemingly token for a pre-season campaign at St. James' Park, with Joe Kinnear swanning into the Director of Football role for seemingly no reason.
The fans were predictably not amused, and the brows were furrowed further when Kinnear made an aching big tit of himself on TalkSport when he managed to mispronounced the names of several key players, saw of Managing Director Derek Llambias and reportedly blocked a deal to sign centre back Douglas from FC Twente on the grounds he knew nothing about the player.
With rumours the club wanted Pardew's former West Ham staples James Tomkins and Carlton Cole and Liverpool misfit Stewart Downing, the fans feared the worst.
However the transfer market has been surprisingly quiet. Only two signings have made the move to Tyneside, albeit not for the want of the rumour mill's trying.
The team begins the campaign on Monday 19th at Manchester City, which is an awful place to start given the Citizens mauled us 4-0 in March. The fixture list however is relatively calm afterwards, with Everton the only other biggish side in the first seven matches. Wins against the likes of Fulham and Hull, for example, will be crucial.
A few thoughts:
What Would Be A Great Season?: Solid midtable going higher. It would be fantastic if the 2011-12 season could be replicated but that seems unlikely at present.
What Would Be A Horrible Season?: Watching Joe Kinnear valiantly lead the team towards the Championship, with a legion of underperformers wanting out.
What's The Likelier Outcome?: As ever with the Toon, its a job to say. The team has a great squad that fell dramatically astray last year and its a challenge to guess what will happen. It is likely we will wind up in another midtable position.
Key Player: Yohan Cabaye. He can provide a great presence in midfield and the creative spark that can fuel the team's attacking intent.
Needs To Improve: Cheick Tiote was a frequent liability last year as he often gets suspended or gives away possession cheaply. Somewhere in him is the man who was a midfield king a few years back and he has to rediscover the form.
Will Be Missed: The versatility of James Perch made him a valued asset and his departure to Wigan Athletic robs the squad of a key utility option.
Good That He's Still Here: After a summer of rumours linking Cabaye, Hatem Ben Arfa and Papiss Cisse with moves out, its surprising that all are still here. But given they are very important players that fact is also very welcome.
Why Is He Still Here: Mike Williamson's awful defensive record last year led to him being linked with Cardiff but despite a reported move he's annoyingly still here. The collapse of Dan Gosling's move to Crystal Palace also means we're still lumped with him.
Incoming: The club have made all of two signings, with loan striker Loic Remy and youngster Oliver Kemen moving to St. James' Park. Remy has the chance to prove himself after controversially rejecting the Toon for QPR in January. Other moves have failed but one or two more incomings are likely before the end of August.
The Manager: 2012-13 was a troubling campaign for Alan Pardew, who celebrated his 8 year contract by embarking on a ridiculously poor run of form. The arrival of Kinnear is not a reassuring touch as Ashley seems to be stacking the deck back in his favour, although a few good results could put Pardew back in the good books.
Something To Keep From Last Year: The bleeding of youngsters was encouraging but a number of them are yet to convince as regulars. However Paul Dummett and Sammy Ameobi have shown some form in pre-season, while Gael Bigirimana is still an exciting prospect.
Something To Improve: There are all sorts of things. Corners - though the fact we scored from one against Braga indicates a change in luck. Giving away penalties. Defensive positioning. Attitude. Retaining possession. Incoherent tactics. I could go on but there really would be no point.
Pre-Season:
Motherwell (A) 4-2 win
Rio Ave (A) 3-1 defeat
Pacos de Ferreira (A) 1-1 draw
Blackpool (A) 1-0 win
St. Mirren (A) 2-0 win
Rangers (A) 1-1 draw
Braga (H) 1-1 draw
A Word On The New Kits: The first new kits with Wonga.com on the front includes a new home kit where the standard black and white stripes includes additional thin blue stripes in the black ones and two thin blue stripes down the side of the kit. The away, by contrast, uses a very dark blue with Puma's standard shoulder stripes similar to the Wolves away kit. An alternative black and white half-and-half kit was used for the Braga match as a one-off, while a yellow third kit similar to Cardiff City's is also rumoured. They're all surprisingly decent but as formulaic as ever.
So, the all important final question...
Where Will We Finish?
In all probability, the fact we have a squad capable of both great things and self destructive relegation means we're likely to come nowhere near either extreme. Midtable beckons - 8th-12th, by my reckoning.
But of course, this is the time for prediction and few of them turn up right. Indeed, we hope for exciting things from Newcastle United this season and we look forward to see the season go ahead. With any luck any new season optimism will last longer then the likely opening day humping by Manchester City...
Saturday, 10 August 2013
Premier League 2013/14 Season Preview
After the summer and watching the first few stages of the Football League, the Premier League is now back.
Every team has been scouring the market to change the squad and, they hope, the odds into their favour. Busy pre-season friendlies and anticipation have also been gathered as the sides prepared for the opening day.
Now, with a week or so to go until Liverpool and Stoke kick-off the season and BT Sport's jump into broadcasting, the teams prepare for what is looking like an exciting season. Certainly moreso than last season, which was pretty much decided by March.
Every team has hopes and ambitions, and its time to see what they feel 2013-14 could deliver for them:
Arsenal
Last Season In Four Words: Still higher than Spurs
What Do They Want?: Arsenal fans want to achieve bigger and better things then "4th or bust", and it seems to be an ambition shared by others given Wenger and players have talked about hoping to get the title. Saying that, they have shown remarkably little ambition for a team that wants these goals, this making another "4th or bust" campaign the more inevitable.
Transfers: With Gonzalo Higuain and (so far) Luis Suarez proving bridges too far, Yaya Sanogo is the only real signing by the Gunners. The team has been busier removing players, with Andrey Arshavin, Denilson, Andre Santos, Johan Djourou and Gervinho amongst those leaving.
Ones To Watch: The onus is on Olivier Giroud and Lukas Podolski to get more goals. These two scored a reasonable total in their first season but need more if Arsenal are to return to prominence. Its also a key season for Thomas Vermaelen after he disappointed in 12-13.
The Gaffer: Arsene Wenger is still ruling the roost in North London but last season saw the first real doubt in the Frenchman's prowess. Ten years after the Invincibles of 03-04, he is now facing a challenge to convince the high-paying crowds that the team is now going somewhere.
Prediction: This could well be the season Arsenal's Champions League campaign streak ends, but that depends as much on events across North London as it does on them actually signing anyone.
Aston Villa
Last Season In Four Words: Youngsters eventually escaped drop
What Do They Want?: Ideally a more comfortable season. Last season was desperately uncomfortable and at times they looked a Championship side, but the team now has experience of survival and looks better placed to tackle the vigour of the season.
Transfers: The main goal for Villa was to keep Christian Benteke, and although he stunned his employers by handing in a transfer request, he eventually signed a new deal. The Villains have continued down the path they began last season, with young talent like Nicklas Helenius, Jores Okore and Antonio Luna moving to the club while older names like Richard Dunne, Brett Holman and Darren Bent (albeit on loan) have left. Stiliyan Petrov retired to continue fighting leukaemia.
Ones To Watch: The likes of Okore and Helenius are highly rated on Football Manager and this will be the chance to see if they match the hype, while Benteke and Andreas Weimann will seek to build on impressive 2012-13 campaigns.
The Gaffer: Paul Lambert's second season at Aston Villa begins with more optimism then the dark clouds enveloping the club last season.
Prediction: The team look more secure and likelier to escape involvement in the relegation dogfight but don't look ready to repeat the top 6 finishes of the Martin O'Neill era. Midtable.
Cardiff City
Last Season In Four Words: Colour changers get promoted
What Do They Want?: As is always the case for new boys, they want to stay up. Much of that depends on how they do against the sort of teams largely expected to be down there with them.
Transfers: The Welshmen have broken their transfer record twice, spending £17million on Spurs defender Steven Caulker and Danish striker Andreas Cornelius. The other likely first team buy is Derby right back John Brayford, with Brentford keeper Simon Moore likely one for the future. Heidar Helguson, Nat Jarvis and Stephen McPhail have been released in the main outgoings.
Ones To Watch: Craig Bellamy will be keen to make an impression for his hometown club on the biggest stage and has experience, while goalkeeper David Marshall is in line for a busy season.
The Gaffer: After a first season where they comfortably came up, Malky Mackay is in line for a more high-pressure campaign in ensuring the Bluebirds emulate their Welsh neighbours in surviving the first year.
Prediction: The team ethic that sent the Welshmen into the top division will have to be kept intact if Cardiff are to survive. Largely seen as the best prepared, they could well surprise people next year.
Chelsea
Last Season In Four Words: More chaos, more trophies
What Do They Want?: The title is the big goal for Jose Mourinho's team.
Transfers: The main attention has been on Chelsea's attempts to sign Wayne Rooney, with the club's other signings already happening. Their ludicrously overstuffed midfield has been strengthened further with the signing of Marco van Ginkel, while Andre Schrulle is a big budget striker signed from Bayer Leverkusen. Florent Malouda, Paulo Ferreira and Yossi Benayoun have all been released while a number of youngsters have left on loan.
Ones To Watch: A job is on to work out Chelsea's best midfield and attack, with the likes of Juan Mata, Eden Hazard, Oscar, Victor Moses, Schrulle, Demba Ba and Fernando Torres all vying for a place and all seeking to be worth of regular berths they would be capable of at any other team.
The Gaffer: Look who's back in town. A full six years after leaving, Jose Mourinho returns more decorated but looking to prove himself after the disastrous collapse at Real Madrid. Like the last time, nothing but success will keep Abrahmovich's P45 form in his desk.
Prediction: They have the manager and the squad, and also know the combination has worked before. Chelsea look like the best bet for the Premier League title.
Crystal Palace
Last Season In Four Words: Got promoted via play-offs
What Do They Want?: Survival. Staying up is all Palace dream of after they crept into the Premier League via the back door, and it will be a tricky job to manage it.
Transfers: The headline signing is record transfer Dwight Gayle, who joined for £8.5M from Peterborough. Promotion heroes Stephen Dobbie and Kevin Phillips have rejoined, with Elliot Grandin also following Ian Hollway from Blackpool. Also joining are Spain U21 captain Jose Campana and experienced wideman Jerome Thomas, while Wilfried Zaha has left for Manchester United after completing his January transfer, and Jermaine Easter has also been allowed out. More signings are expected.
Ones To Watch: With Zaha gone and Glenn Murray out until Christmas, a lot of responsibility falls on Zaha, Phillips and Aaron Wilbraham. Miles Jedinak also has the makings of a Premier League player.
The Gaffer: Ian Holloway is still king of the soundbite and was also only one win from keeping Blackpool in the Premier League. Like at the Tangerines, he has a big job ahead to keep Palace in the top flight.
Prediction: The squad resembles a higher-placed Championship team more than a Premier League one and unless a surprise happens relegation is very likely.
Everton
Last Season In Four Words: Moyes farewell trumps neighbours
What Do They Want?: Although Moyes has gone, Everton want to maintain their recent exploits that has seen them consistently staying in the top 7. Its also a big season for new gaffer Roberto Martinez as he seeks to prove himself as a Premier League manager after continual dogfights with Wigan.
Transfers: Martinez has really gone for the "what you know" ethos, with 3 ex-Latics following him to Goodison Park. Goalkeeper Joel, defender Antolin Alcaraz and striker Arouna Kone have made the move, while Barcelona youngster Gerard Deulofeu has signed on loan. The retiring Phil Neville is the most notable departure, with Leighton Baines and Marouane Fellaini still at the club for now.
Ones To Watch: The ex-Wigan trio have much to prove, as arguably does the manager himself, while Nikica Jelavic has to improve after a poor second half last season.
The Gaffer: Fresh from winning the FA Cup and finally being relegated, Martinez is looking for success as Toffees boss. It'll be a difficult test to follow up David Moyes but are likely to remain their formidable old selves.
Prediction: They may not get the Champions League place Martinez wants but they'll continue their formidable style and should maintain their top 7/8 placing.
Fulham
Last Season In Four Words: Cottagers provide consistent inconsistency
What Do They Want?: A less bewildering campaign would be preferable, with the Cottagers providing a confusing puzzle during last season. Martin Jol has continued taking a sledge-hammer to the legendary Roy Hodgson team that made it to the Europa League Final in 2010 and he will be hoping of a more comfortable period than last year, when their dealings left them unstable at times.
Transfers: Although Fulham now have billionaire American owners, only full back Sacha Riether and goalkeeper Maarten Stekelenburg cost a transfer fee. Its likely a fee was paid for the loan signings of QPR's Adel Taarabt and Aston Villa misfit Darren Bent, while defender Fernando Amorebieta and midfielders Ange-Freddy Plumain and Derek Boateng have joined on frees. Experienced heads Mark Schwarzer, Chris Baird, Mahamadou Diarra, Simon Davies and Mladen Petric have all been released.
Ones To Watch: Stekelenburg is a goalkeeper with international pedigree and should be a good rear-guard, while Taarabt will be looking to be a more consistent performer this year after falling out with QPR. Dimitar Berbatov remains the head frontman for the men from riverside London.
The Gaffer: Martin Jol's position was questioned a few times by supporters last year. He has rebuilt his squad but he maybe looking nervously over his shoulders with the new money soon set to circulate.
Prediction: Fulham seemed to have carved out a niche as consistently midtable with a capability to occasionally surprise and its likely they will do so once again.
Hull City Tigers
Last Season In Four Words: Promoted in ridiculous circumstances
What Do They Want?: Survival. After promotion amidst a barking final day, the club's principal aim is to ensure they keep their heads above water, although they could be in line for mocking following their recent franchise-style rebrand.
Transfers: Hull have undergone a remodelling for the new season from top to bottom. Two new keepers have joined in Allan McGregor and Steve Harper, Curtis Davies and Maynor Figueroa are in for the defence, and Yannick Sagbo and Danny Graham are new boys up top. Ahmed Elmohamady and George Boyd have made deals permanent after being on loan in 2012-13. The outgoings is a curious one, as its arguable the likes of Jack Hobbs, Corry Evans and Tom Cairney may have been useful at this level.
Ones To Watch: The players with biggest potential to make the jump up are defender James Chester, and a defence likely to contain him, Abdoulaye Faye and Paul McShane - the last man standing from Hull's 2009-10 Premier League team - will be key in survival.
The Gaffer: Steve Bruce has said last season helped him fall back in love with management after his messy spell at Sunderland. Whether or not it stays this year is open for debate but he is right in the thick of it this year with a squad widely tipped for the drop.
Prediction: The Tigers are favourites for the drop and widely tipped to come in last. They have enough quality to avoid that status, but probably not enough to stay up.
Liverpool
Last Season In Four Words: Transition, triumph, cannibalism, farewell
What Do They Want?: The long term goal of England's most successful Champions League team is to return to Europe's big tournament. Getting there will be a challenge given the strength of those above.
Transfers: While the main attention has been on the future of Luis Suarez, Liverpool have been busy. Goalkeeper Simon Mignolet joins from Sunderland as a replacement for Pepe Reina after he was sent on loan to Napoli, while strikers Luis Alberto and Iago Aspas have arrived from La Liga. Kolo Toure has also joined as a replacement for Sky's new pundit Jamie Carragher. While Andy Carroll, Jonjo Shelvey and Jay Spearing have all left, Suarez so far remains despite the fans now wanting him out after a messy summer.
Ones To Watch: Phillipe Coutinho looked in impressive form after his January arrival from Inter Milan and the attacking midfielder has a chance to enhance his credentials in this upcoming season. Daniel Sturridge and the new signings also have to step up in Suarez's absence.
The Gaffer: Brendan Rodgers was afforded a little lee-way in his first season but now the pressure is up a notch. Liverpool want a return to the Champions League and Rodgers has to convince.
Prediction: The Champions League looks a step too far at the moment but they could challenge for a top 5 spot. Nevertheless 6th seems more likely.
Manchester City
Last Season In Four Words: Underwhelming by billionaire parameters
What Do They Want?: Regaining the Premier League title is one success, but having spent big (again) success for City will be winning a trophy, with the billionaires hurt by losing out on the FA Cup and Premier League and looking poor while doing it.
Transfers: The headline grabbing acquisition is £30million Brazilian Fernandinho, who joins for an eye-wateringly large fee from Shakthar Donetsk. Manuel Pellegrini has raided former rivals Sevilla by signing Jesus Navas and Alvaro Negredo, and has also bought Stefan Jovetic from Fiorentina, but he missed out on former Malaga stalwart Isco after the attacking midfielder joined Real Madrid. The club have also been busy with outs, with Carlos Tevez, Maicon, Kolo Toure and Wayne Bridge big names to be shown the door.
Ones To Watch: The new attacking trio of Navas-Negredo-Jovetic has much promise, although Pellegrini faces a challenge to incorporate them all with City's existing wealth of attackers. Its a key season for David Silva and Samir Nasri, who both disappointed heavily in 2012-13.
The Gaffer: Manuel Pellegrini's first job outside Spain is a big one, and he will be hoping to get success with big money, although his failure to lead the first neo-Galacticos at Real to success isn't a good omen.
Prediction: The team are likely to be in amongst the title runners and riders next season but it seems unlikely they will be in that top spot come May 11th.
Manchester United
Last Season In Four Words: Ferguson's title winning goodbye
What Do They Want?: David Moyes' arrival comes with the expectation of continuing the Ferguson success story. Ideally a 21st title and a first post-Fergie would be a great start but they need to get up there. They certainly have to go into bat given they face Chelsea, City and Liverpool in their first six.
Transfers: Frustratingly quiet for fans of the Red Devils, with the team unable to sign key targets such as Thiago and Cesc Fabregas. So far, only Guillermo Varela has joined the team, although Wilfried Zaha has completed his move after staying at Crystal Palace for the second half of last season. The only real outgoing, apart from the manager, is that of Paul Scholes following his second retirement in three seasons, although Wayne Rooney is still wailing about leaving.
Ones To Watch: Youngsters Jesse Lingard and Angelo Henriquez have been used frequently in pre-season and have the chance to step up. Its also a big season for the likes of Antonio Valencia, Nani and Danny Welbeck - all of whom significantly underperformed last year.
The Gaffer: This is the big step for David Moyes. After 11 years of performing somewhat over expectation at Everton, he's walked into the biggest job in the land. The Rooney fiasco is his biggest initial argument, but a tough start beckons.
Prediction: As per usual, the Red Devils are tipped for being title challengers. It is extremely unlikely they will have the smooth strut last season had, but they are likely to be up there once again.
Newcastle United
Last Season In Four Words: Regression mercifully not catastrophic
What Do They Want?: A less disastrous season than last year.
Transfers: Kinnear's arrival led to some fans wondering what direction their transfer policy would take but in reality, nothing much of note has happened. Loic Remy is the club's only first team signing, moving on loan from QPR just seven months after turning Newcastle down. Danny Simpson and James Perch have opted to move down a division, while Steve Harper has also gone. Like last year, the club's big names have also stayed put.
Ones To Watch: As their biggest signing, Remy will be a big hope for the Tynesider's next year. Its also a big year for the likes of Yohan Cabaye, Cheick Tiote and Papiss Cisse, who were all big name stars that were largely disappointing in 2012-13.
The Gaffer: Toon Army manager Alan Pardew faces a big season after presiding over an awful campaign last year. With Joe Kinnear widely seen as an unhelpful presence, Pardew faces a ride on the notoriously slippy slopes Newcastle managers used to cascade down in their droves.
Prediction: The Toon Army are notoriously hard to predict and offer the sense they could finish anywhere. Its unlikely they'll be repeating 2011-12's Champions League challenge but equally unlikely is a repeat of 2012-13's struggles. Middle of the road.
Norwich City
Last Season In Four Words: Struggled to score goals
What Do They Want?: More fun. Grant Holt topped the scoring charts last year with a paltry eight.
Transfers: Holt has now gone with Canaries' fans' best wishes after leading the charge from League One to the Premier League. In come record signing Ricky van Wolfswinkel and Celtic's Gary Hooper as part of a re-modelling of the teams strikeforce. That's not the only area re-modelled, with big cash also spent on one-time Everton target Leroy Fer, Blackburn's Martin Olsson and Birmingham winger Nathan Redmond. A number of names from recent years gone by have also left.
Ones To Watch: Ricky van Wolfswinkel will be seeking to prove the huge hype accompanying his £8.5million arrival from Sporting Lisbon. Robert Snodgrass and Anthony Pilkington will also seek to continue their rise to Premier League threats - something new boy Redmond will look to emulate.
The Gaffer: Chris Hughton has opted to overhaul a squad that almost sleepwalked out of the top tier last year. Now his goal is to deliver on this signings.
Prediction: With a number of "good on Football Manager/FIFA" signings a number of people have put Norwich as a potential top 10 side. Upper midtable should beckon again, but the squad looks more than strong enough to avoid the dogfight.
Southampton
Last Season In Four Words: Looked good on return
What Do They Want?: After the chaotic introduction, Mauricio Pochettino is hoping to better the creditable 14th place delivered last year. Pochettino is certainly ambitious and is one of many teams looking to climb higher.
Transfers: Only two signings have arrived but both look like big signings, with defender Dejan Lovren and midfielder Victor Wanyama - a club record signing at £12.5M from Celtic - joining up and providing exciting potential. Vegard Forren - a January signing that ultimately played 0 games - is the most notable departure.
Ones To Watch: The huge arrival of Wanyama gives him big expectation in the team's engine room, while Lovren will also be expected to help solidify a back-line that was rather unreliable at times last year.
The Gaffer: Mauricio Pochettino had a rough introduction to life at St. Mary's given he replaced Nigel Adkins just as the Saints had begun winning. But after securing top tier status via impressive wins over Man City, Chelsea and Liverpool, he is hoping to deliver big next year.
Prediction: Likely to improve on 14th but not likely to climb that higher. Of course, if they play their cards right then a top half finish isn't strictly out of the question.
Stoke City
Last Season In Four Words: Tony Pulis' last hurrah
What Do They Want?: It's a new dawn in the Potteries after Pulis' reign ended following a collapse in 2013. Mark Hughes was the bold choice to come in and he will be seeking to improve the football while climbing up on 2012-13.
Transfers: The club have made two signings in defence, with full back Erik Pieters and Marc Muniesa moving in from Europe. Rory Delap, Michael Owen, Matthew Upson and Dean Whitehead have all left the club.
Ones To Watch: Having moaned about Pulis, Cameron Jerome has to put up next year to prove there was something the ex-manager was limiting. The new full backs will also seek to impress, while its also a big season for Peter Crouch after the giant striker disappointed in 2012-13.
The Gaffer: After walking out on Fulham for no real reason and sowing the seeds of the QPR fiasco, Mark Hughes is under the cosh. He has to prove he still has the chops for management.
Prediction: It could be a case of 'be careful what you wish for' for Stoke, with the team likely to face a long season ahead. Indeed, there's a risk it could end in tears.
Sunderland
Last Season In Four Words: Fractionally avoided Premiership oblivion
What Do They Want?: After a poor 2012-13 season that was so close to relegation, the Black Cats want to rise further - to show more ambition than just the 4th worst team in the league. An almost instant gelling for their made-over squad is necessary.
Transfers: The team have been very busy. Key players under previous regimes like Simon Mignolet, Titus Bramble and James McClean have all gone, as has disaster Danny Graham. Meanwhile, the incoming has been very busy with nine signings. Italy international Emmanuel Giaccherini is the most exciting, while Jozy Altidore, Modibo Diakite, Vito Mannone, Cabral and David Karlsson could all prove to be hugely significant signings.
Ones To Watch: All the new signings are in the spotlight as they seek to justify the faith in renovation, while the older heads at the team need to perform to help the team grab some level of consistency - something that eluded them frequently last year.
The Gaffer: Paolo di Canio came in to a fanfare of condemnation for his political beliefs and has already had an eventful start to life at the Stadium of Light. Now, he has a big season ahead on all of seven games Premier League experience.
Prediction: Although a number of their signings look good, its likely another season of struggle is likely for the Black Cats. However they should - again - have enough to stay up.
Swansea City
Last Season In Four Words: Centenary celebrated in style
What Do They Want?: Its hard to know how to top a highest league position in decades and a Capital One Cup. Going further in the league and a European run sounds about right.
Transfers: Seeking to avoid repeating Newcastle's ill-thought 2012-13 transfer policy, Swansea have been busy. £12million striker Wilfried Bony is the big name signing, while Jonjo Shelvey, Jordi Amat and Alejandro Pozuelo will seek to slide into Swansea's slick game. Jonathan de Guzman's return after his loan spell in 2012-13 is also welcome. Kemy Agustien and Mark Gower are the biggest permanent outs, while Alan Tate and Kyle Bartley have left on loan.
Ones To Watch: Bony looks like being a huge signing and should take some of the load off Michu, who scored a lot of goals for the Swans last year. A number of key Swans remain, such as Michel Vorm and Nathan Dyer, plus the aforementioned Michu, and they will seek to improve.
The Gaffer: There was some doubt over Michael Laudrup's status at the Liberty Stadium after the board and his agent fell out. But he remains and he will seek to preserve the upwards momentum of the Swans.
Prediction: Assuming they don't fall into the many potholes Newcastle did last year, they could well continue their rise and being a top-class nuisance at the top end of the division.
Tottenham Hotspur
Last Season In Four Words: One man, fifth place
What Do They Want?: Spurs are very much the Pinky and the Brain of the league - they always want that seemingly-elusive goal that would give them untold riches. The Champions League remains doubly important in light of the insane Bale speculation.
Transfers: Nearly all attention on Spurs transfer has concerned Gareth Bale, who is still at White Hart Lane. He is joined by record signing Roberto Soldado, Brazil international Paulinho and winger Nacer Chadli. Steven Caulker and William Gallas have left - possibly a bad idea given their other three centre halves are currently injured - while Clint Dempsey and David Bentley have also gone.
Ones To Watch: Bale, assuming he stays, is seen as the focal point given his impressive 12-13 campaign. Soldado also has to have a big season given Spurs' strikers failure to score regularly arguably cost them 4th spot, while Kyle Walker also has to improve after disappointing.
The Gaffer: Andre Villas-Boas is still seeking to show he is a capable manager in England after his failure at Chelsea. A record high-points total for Spurs is a great start and he will seek to jump on next year.
Prediction: It is almost certain Spurs will remain up in the top four challenge. But it will all come down to the status of their number 11 as to whether or not they make it the 2014-15 Champions League.
West Bromwich Albion
Last Season In Four Words: Remarkably comfortable despite lunacy
What Do They Want?: Its difficult to say. Although they finished 8th last season, the Baggies have shed squad members and don't look as strong a proposition.
Transfers: Nicolas Anelka has joined his 42nd English club as the replacement for Romelu Lukaku (returned to Chelsea), while the departed Marc-Antoine Fortune (signed for Wigan) has been replaced by loan signing Matej Vydra. Diego Lugano should add steel in defence, but the departures of Zoltan Gera, Jerome Thomas and Gonzalo Jara Reyes don't help the look of a team that feels weaker. Despite his moronic 2013, Peter Odemwingie is still at the club.
Ones To Watch: Anelka, Markus Rosenberg and Shane Long have a lot of scoring to do to fill up the shortfall left by Lukaku and the banished Odemwingie. The Baggies keeper Ben Foster will be hoping his defence is able to retain the firm nature it had in 2012-13.
The Gaffer: Steve Clarke is in his second full season of management, with the first being rather successful. But the challenge is on to maintain this.
Prediction: The team are in line for a more uncomfortable season on last year but shouldn't be in big danger of a bottom three battle.
West Ham United
Last Season In Four Words: Comfortable return to Premiership
What Do They Want?: The team would like to build on last year's 10th place but, realistically, another similar position would suffice.
Transfers: Andy Carroll's loan move has been made permanent in the headline signing, in a move which has allowed the much-mocked Carlton Cole to leave. Full back Razvan Rat, goalkeeper Adrian and youngster Danny Whitehead are the Hammers other summer signings, while Gary O'Neill has left.
Ones To Watch: Carroll remains a key option and will seek to improve on last year's 7 goals. Matt Jarvis and Joe Cole will seek to run well in tandem alongside the giant striker, while the previously profitable pairing of Carroll and Kevin Nolan could retain its effectiveness.
The Gaffer: Sam Allardyce's second season as West Ham manager was a lot more comfortable then his first, which saw West Ham almost blow the play-off final. Having re-established the East Londoners in the top flight, he'll now want to grab some success.
Prediction: More middle of the road antics. Will probably beat one or two top 4 sides then lose dismally at a relegation side.
The 20 teams all have their stories to tell and they will be ready to try and deliver the relative success that their fans crave.
It promises to be an intriguing season next year and the teams will all be gunning to go for next season. Now we await to see how everything pans out.
Every team has been scouring the market to change the squad and, they hope, the odds into their favour. Busy pre-season friendlies and anticipation have also been gathered as the sides prepared for the opening day.
Now, with a week or so to go until Liverpool and Stoke kick-off the season and BT Sport's jump into broadcasting, the teams prepare for what is looking like an exciting season. Certainly moreso than last season, which was pretty much decided by March.
Every team has hopes and ambitions, and its time to see what they feel 2013-14 could deliver for them:
Arsenal
Last Season In Four Words: Still higher than Spurs
What Do They Want?: Arsenal fans want to achieve bigger and better things then "4th or bust", and it seems to be an ambition shared by others given Wenger and players have talked about hoping to get the title. Saying that, they have shown remarkably little ambition for a team that wants these goals, this making another "4th or bust" campaign the more inevitable.
Transfers: With Gonzalo Higuain and (so far) Luis Suarez proving bridges too far, Yaya Sanogo is the only real signing by the Gunners. The team has been busier removing players, with Andrey Arshavin, Denilson, Andre Santos, Johan Djourou and Gervinho amongst those leaving.
Ones To Watch: The onus is on Olivier Giroud and Lukas Podolski to get more goals. These two scored a reasonable total in their first season but need more if Arsenal are to return to prominence. Its also a key season for Thomas Vermaelen after he disappointed in 12-13.
The Gaffer: Arsene Wenger is still ruling the roost in North London but last season saw the first real doubt in the Frenchman's prowess. Ten years after the Invincibles of 03-04, he is now facing a challenge to convince the high-paying crowds that the team is now going somewhere.
Prediction: This could well be the season Arsenal's Champions League campaign streak ends, but that depends as much on events across North London as it does on them actually signing anyone.
Aston Villa
Last Season In Four Words: Youngsters eventually escaped drop
What Do They Want?: Ideally a more comfortable season. Last season was desperately uncomfortable and at times they looked a Championship side, but the team now has experience of survival and looks better placed to tackle the vigour of the season.
Transfers: The main goal for Villa was to keep Christian Benteke, and although he stunned his employers by handing in a transfer request, he eventually signed a new deal. The Villains have continued down the path they began last season, with young talent like Nicklas Helenius, Jores Okore and Antonio Luna moving to the club while older names like Richard Dunne, Brett Holman and Darren Bent (albeit on loan) have left. Stiliyan Petrov retired to continue fighting leukaemia.
Ones To Watch: The likes of Okore and Helenius are highly rated on Football Manager and this will be the chance to see if they match the hype, while Benteke and Andreas Weimann will seek to build on impressive 2012-13 campaigns.
The Gaffer: Paul Lambert's second season at Aston Villa begins with more optimism then the dark clouds enveloping the club last season.
Prediction: The team look more secure and likelier to escape involvement in the relegation dogfight but don't look ready to repeat the top 6 finishes of the Martin O'Neill era. Midtable.
Cardiff City
Last Season In Four Words: Colour changers get promoted
What Do They Want?: As is always the case for new boys, they want to stay up. Much of that depends on how they do against the sort of teams largely expected to be down there with them.
Transfers: The Welshmen have broken their transfer record twice, spending £17million on Spurs defender Steven Caulker and Danish striker Andreas Cornelius. The other likely first team buy is Derby right back John Brayford, with Brentford keeper Simon Moore likely one for the future. Heidar Helguson, Nat Jarvis and Stephen McPhail have been released in the main outgoings.
Ones To Watch: Craig Bellamy will be keen to make an impression for his hometown club on the biggest stage and has experience, while goalkeeper David Marshall is in line for a busy season.
The Gaffer: After a first season where they comfortably came up, Malky Mackay is in line for a more high-pressure campaign in ensuring the Bluebirds emulate their Welsh neighbours in surviving the first year.
Prediction: The team ethic that sent the Welshmen into the top division will have to be kept intact if Cardiff are to survive. Largely seen as the best prepared, they could well surprise people next year.
Chelsea
Last Season In Four Words: More chaos, more trophies
What Do They Want?: The title is the big goal for Jose Mourinho's team.
Transfers: The main attention has been on Chelsea's attempts to sign Wayne Rooney, with the club's other signings already happening. Their ludicrously overstuffed midfield has been strengthened further with the signing of Marco van Ginkel, while Andre Schrulle is a big budget striker signed from Bayer Leverkusen. Florent Malouda, Paulo Ferreira and Yossi Benayoun have all been released while a number of youngsters have left on loan.
Ones To Watch: A job is on to work out Chelsea's best midfield and attack, with the likes of Juan Mata, Eden Hazard, Oscar, Victor Moses, Schrulle, Demba Ba and Fernando Torres all vying for a place and all seeking to be worth of regular berths they would be capable of at any other team.
The Gaffer: Look who's back in town. A full six years after leaving, Jose Mourinho returns more decorated but looking to prove himself after the disastrous collapse at Real Madrid. Like the last time, nothing but success will keep Abrahmovich's P45 form in his desk.
Prediction: They have the manager and the squad, and also know the combination has worked before. Chelsea look like the best bet for the Premier League title.
Crystal Palace
Last Season In Four Words: Got promoted via play-offs
What Do They Want?: Survival. Staying up is all Palace dream of after they crept into the Premier League via the back door, and it will be a tricky job to manage it.
Transfers: The headline signing is record transfer Dwight Gayle, who joined for £8.5M from Peterborough. Promotion heroes Stephen Dobbie and Kevin Phillips have rejoined, with Elliot Grandin also following Ian Hollway from Blackpool. Also joining are Spain U21 captain Jose Campana and experienced wideman Jerome Thomas, while Wilfried Zaha has left for Manchester United after completing his January transfer, and Jermaine Easter has also been allowed out. More signings are expected.
Ones To Watch: With Zaha gone and Glenn Murray out until Christmas, a lot of responsibility falls on Zaha, Phillips and Aaron Wilbraham. Miles Jedinak also has the makings of a Premier League player.
The Gaffer: Ian Holloway is still king of the soundbite and was also only one win from keeping Blackpool in the Premier League. Like at the Tangerines, he has a big job ahead to keep Palace in the top flight.
Prediction: The squad resembles a higher-placed Championship team more than a Premier League one and unless a surprise happens relegation is very likely.
Everton
Last Season In Four Words: Moyes farewell trumps neighbours
What Do They Want?: Although Moyes has gone, Everton want to maintain their recent exploits that has seen them consistently staying in the top 7. Its also a big season for new gaffer Roberto Martinez as he seeks to prove himself as a Premier League manager after continual dogfights with Wigan.
Transfers: Martinez has really gone for the "what you know" ethos, with 3 ex-Latics following him to Goodison Park. Goalkeeper Joel, defender Antolin Alcaraz and striker Arouna Kone have made the move, while Barcelona youngster Gerard Deulofeu has signed on loan. The retiring Phil Neville is the most notable departure, with Leighton Baines and Marouane Fellaini still at the club for now.
Ones To Watch: The ex-Wigan trio have much to prove, as arguably does the manager himself, while Nikica Jelavic has to improve after a poor second half last season.
The Gaffer: Fresh from winning the FA Cup and finally being relegated, Martinez is looking for success as Toffees boss. It'll be a difficult test to follow up David Moyes but are likely to remain their formidable old selves.
Prediction: They may not get the Champions League place Martinez wants but they'll continue their formidable style and should maintain their top 7/8 placing.
Fulham
Last Season In Four Words: Cottagers provide consistent inconsistency
What Do They Want?: A less bewildering campaign would be preferable, with the Cottagers providing a confusing puzzle during last season. Martin Jol has continued taking a sledge-hammer to the legendary Roy Hodgson team that made it to the Europa League Final in 2010 and he will be hoping of a more comfortable period than last year, when their dealings left them unstable at times.
Transfers: Although Fulham now have billionaire American owners, only full back Sacha Riether and goalkeeper Maarten Stekelenburg cost a transfer fee. Its likely a fee was paid for the loan signings of QPR's Adel Taarabt and Aston Villa misfit Darren Bent, while defender Fernando Amorebieta and midfielders Ange-Freddy Plumain and Derek Boateng have joined on frees. Experienced heads Mark Schwarzer, Chris Baird, Mahamadou Diarra, Simon Davies and Mladen Petric have all been released.
Ones To Watch: Stekelenburg is a goalkeeper with international pedigree and should be a good rear-guard, while Taarabt will be looking to be a more consistent performer this year after falling out with QPR. Dimitar Berbatov remains the head frontman for the men from riverside London.
The Gaffer: Martin Jol's position was questioned a few times by supporters last year. He has rebuilt his squad but he maybe looking nervously over his shoulders with the new money soon set to circulate.
Prediction: Fulham seemed to have carved out a niche as consistently midtable with a capability to occasionally surprise and its likely they will do so once again.
Hull City Tigers
Last Season In Four Words: Promoted in ridiculous circumstances
What Do They Want?: Survival. After promotion amidst a barking final day, the club's principal aim is to ensure they keep their heads above water, although they could be in line for mocking following their recent franchise-style rebrand.
Transfers: Hull have undergone a remodelling for the new season from top to bottom. Two new keepers have joined in Allan McGregor and Steve Harper, Curtis Davies and Maynor Figueroa are in for the defence, and Yannick Sagbo and Danny Graham are new boys up top. Ahmed Elmohamady and George Boyd have made deals permanent after being on loan in 2012-13. The outgoings is a curious one, as its arguable the likes of Jack Hobbs, Corry Evans and Tom Cairney may have been useful at this level.
Ones To Watch: The players with biggest potential to make the jump up are defender James Chester, and a defence likely to contain him, Abdoulaye Faye and Paul McShane - the last man standing from Hull's 2009-10 Premier League team - will be key in survival.
The Gaffer: Steve Bruce has said last season helped him fall back in love with management after his messy spell at Sunderland. Whether or not it stays this year is open for debate but he is right in the thick of it this year with a squad widely tipped for the drop.
Prediction: The Tigers are favourites for the drop and widely tipped to come in last. They have enough quality to avoid that status, but probably not enough to stay up.
Liverpool
Last Season In Four Words: Transition, triumph, cannibalism, farewell
What Do They Want?: The long term goal of England's most successful Champions League team is to return to Europe's big tournament. Getting there will be a challenge given the strength of those above.
Transfers: While the main attention has been on the future of Luis Suarez, Liverpool have been busy. Goalkeeper Simon Mignolet joins from Sunderland as a replacement for Pepe Reina after he was sent on loan to Napoli, while strikers Luis Alberto and Iago Aspas have arrived from La Liga. Kolo Toure has also joined as a replacement for Sky's new pundit Jamie Carragher. While Andy Carroll, Jonjo Shelvey and Jay Spearing have all left, Suarez so far remains despite the fans now wanting him out after a messy summer.
Ones To Watch: Phillipe Coutinho looked in impressive form after his January arrival from Inter Milan and the attacking midfielder has a chance to enhance his credentials in this upcoming season. Daniel Sturridge and the new signings also have to step up in Suarez's absence.
The Gaffer: Brendan Rodgers was afforded a little lee-way in his first season but now the pressure is up a notch. Liverpool want a return to the Champions League and Rodgers has to convince.
Prediction: The Champions League looks a step too far at the moment but they could challenge for a top 5 spot. Nevertheless 6th seems more likely.
Manchester City
Last Season In Four Words: Underwhelming by billionaire parameters
What Do They Want?: Regaining the Premier League title is one success, but having spent big (again) success for City will be winning a trophy, with the billionaires hurt by losing out on the FA Cup and Premier League and looking poor while doing it.
Transfers: The headline grabbing acquisition is £30million Brazilian Fernandinho, who joins for an eye-wateringly large fee from Shakthar Donetsk. Manuel Pellegrini has raided former rivals Sevilla by signing Jesus Navas and Alvaro Negredo, and has also bought Stefan Jovetic from Fiorentina, but he missed out on former Malaga stalwart Isco after the attacking midfielder joined Real Madrid. The club have also been busy with outs, with Carlos Tevez, Maicon, Kolo Toure and Wayne Bridge big names to be shown the door.
Ones To Watch: The new attacking trio of Navas-Negredo-Jovetic has much promise, although Pellegrini faces a challenge to incorporate them all with City's existing wealth of attackers. Its a key season for David Silva and Samir Nasri, who both disappointed heavily in 2012-13.
The Gaffer: Manuel Pellegrini's first job outside Spain is a big one, and he will be hoping to get success with big money, although his failure to lead the first neo-Galacticos at Real to success isn't a good omen.
Prediction: The team are likely to be in amongst the title runners and riders next season but it seems unlikely they will be in that top spot come May 11th.
Manchester United
Last Season In Four Words: Ferguson's title winning goodbye
What Do They Want?: David Moyes' arrival comes with the expectation of continuing the Ferguson success story. Ideally a 21st title and a first post-Fergie would be a great start but they need to get up there. They certainly have to go into bat given they face Chelsea, City and Liverpool in their first six.
Transfers: Frustratingly quiet for fans of the Red Devils, with the team unable to sign key targets such as Thiago and Cesc Fabregas. So far, only Guillermo Varela has joined the team, although Wilfried Zaha has completed his move after staying at Crystal Palace for the second half of last season. The only real outgoing, apart from the manager, is that of Paul Scholes following his second retirement in three seasons, although Wayne Rooney is still wailing about leaving.
Ones To Watch: Youngsters Jesse Lingard and Angelo Henriquez have been used frequently in pre-season and have the chance to step up. Its also a big season for the likes of Antonio Valencia, Nani and Danny Welbeck - all of whom significantly underperformed last year.
The Gaffer: This is the big step for David Moyes. After 11 years of performing somewhat over expectation at Everton, he's walked into the biggest job in the land. The Rooney fiasco is his biggest initial argument, but a tough start beckons.
Prediction: As per usual, the Red Devils are tipped for being title challengers. It is extremely unlikely they will have the smooth strut last season had, but they are likely to be up there once again.
Newcastle United
Last Season In Four Words: Regression mercifully not catastrophic
What Do They Want?: A less disastrous season than last year.
Transfers: Kinnear's arrival led to some fans wondering what direction their transfer policy would take but in reality, nothing much of note has happened. Loic Remy is the club's only first team signing, moving on loan from QPR just seven months after turning Newcastle down. Danny Simpson and James Perch have opted to move down a division, while Steve Harper has also gone. Like last year, the club's big names have also stayed put.
Ones To Watch: As their biggest signing, Remy will be a big hope for the Tynesider's next year. Its also a big year for the likes of Yohan Cabaye, Cheick Tiote and Papiss Cisse, who were all big name stars that were largely disappointing in 2012-13.
The Gaffer: Toon Army manager Alan Pardew faces a big season after presiding over an awful campaign last year. With Joe Kinnear widely seen as an unhelpful presence, Pardew faces a ride on the notoriously slippy slopes Newcastle managers used to cascade down in their droves.
Prediction: The Toon Army are notoriously hard to predict and offer the sense they could finish anywhere. Its unlikely they'll be repeating 2011-12's Champions League challenge but equally unlikely is a repeat of 2012-13's struggles. Middle of the road.
Norwich City
Last Season In Four Words: Struggled to score goals
What Do They Want?: More fun. Grant Holt topped the scoring charts last year with a paltry eight.
Transfers: Holt has now gone with Canaries' fans' best wishes after leading the charge from League One to the Premier League. In come record signing Ricky van Wolfswinkel and Celtic's Gary Hooper as part of a re-modelling of the teams strikeforce. That's not the only area re-modelled, with big cash also spent on one-time Everton target Leroy Fer, Blackburn's Martin Olsson and Birmingham winger Nathan Redmond. A number of names from recent years gone by have also left.
Ones To Watch: Ricky van Wolfswinkel will be seeking to prove the huge hype accompanying his £8.5million arrival from Sporting Lisbon. Robert Snodgrass and Anthony Pilkington will also seek to continue their rise to Premier League threats - something new boy Redmond will look to emulate.
The Gaffer: Chris Hughton has opted to overhaul a squad that almost sleepwalked out of the top tier last year. Now his goal is to deliver on this signings.
Prediction: With a number of "good on Football Manager/FIFA" signings a number of people have put Norwich as a potential top 10 side. Upper midtable should beckon again, but the squad looks more than strong enough to avoid the dogfight.
Southampton
Last Season In Four Words: Looked good on return
What Do They Want?: After the chaotic introduction, Mauricio Pochettino is hoping to better the creditable 14th place delivered last year. Pochettino is certainly ambitious and is one of many teams looking to climb higher.
Transfers: Only two signings have arrived but both look like big signings, with defender Dejan Lovren and midfielder Victor Wanyama - a club record signing at £12.5M from Celtic - joining up and providing exciting potential. Vegard Forren - a January signing that ultimately played 0 games - is the most notable departure.
Ones To Watch: The huge arrival of Wanyama gives him big expectation in the team's engine room, while Lovren will also be expected to help solidify a back-line that was rather unreliable at times last year.
The Gaffer: Mauricio Pochettino had a rough introduction to life at St. Mary's given he replaced Nigel Adkins just as the Saints had begun winning. But after securing top tier status via impressive wins over Man City, Chelsea and Liverpool, he is hoping to deliver big next year.
Prediction: Likely to improve on 14th but not likely to climb that higher. Of course, if they play their cards right then a top half finish isn't strictly out of the question.
Stoke City
Last Season In Four Words: Tony Pulis' last hurrah
What Do They Want?: It's a new dawn in the Potteries after Pulis' reign ended following a collapse in 2013. Mark Hughes was the bold choice to come in and he will be seeking to improve the football while climbing up on 2012-13.
Transfers: The club have made two signings in defence, with full back Erik Pieters and Marc Muniesa moving in from Europe. Rory Delap, Michael Owen, Matthew Upson and Dean Whitehead have all left the club.
Ones To Watch: Having moaned about Pulis, Cameron Jerome has to put up next year to prove there was something the ex-manager was limiting. The new full backs will also seek to impress, while its also a big season for Peter Crouch after the giant striker disappointed in 2012-13.
The Gaffer: After walking out on Fulham for no real reason and sowing the seeds of the QPR fiasco, Mark Hughes is under the cosh. He has to prove he still has the chops for management.
Prediction: It could be a case of 'be careful what you wish for' for Stoke, with the team likely to face a long season ahead. Indeed, there's a risk it could end in tears.
Sunderland
Last Season In Four Words: Fractionally avoided Premiership oblivion
What Do They Want?: After a poor 2012-13 season that was so close to relegation, the Black Cats want to rise further - to show more ambition than just the 4th worst team in the league. An almost instant gelling for their made-over squad is necessary.
Transfers: The team have been very busy. Key players under previous regimes like Simon Mignolet, Titus Bramble and James McClean have all gone, as has disaster Danny Graham. Meanwhile, the incoming has been very busy with nine signings. Italy international Emmanuel Giaccherini is the most exciting, while Jozy Altidore, Modibo Diakite, Vito Mannone, Cabral and David Karlsson could all prove to be hugely significant signings.
Ones To Watch: All the new signings are in the spotlight as they seek to justify the faith in renovation, while the older heads at the team need to perform to help the team grab some level of consistency - something that eluded them frequently last year.
The Gaffer: Paolo di Canio came in to a fanfare of condemnation for his political beliefs and has already had an eventful start to life at the Stadium of Light. Now, he has a big season ahead on all of seven games Premier League experience.
Prediction: Although a number of their signings look good, its likely another season of struggle is likely for the Black Cats. However they should - again - have enough to stay up.
Swansea City
Last Season In Four Words: Centenary celebrated in style
What Do They Want?: Its hard to know how to top a highest league position in decades and a Capital One Cup. Going further in the league and a European run sounds about right.
Transfers: Seeking to avoid repeating Newcastle's ill-thought 2012-13 transfer policy, Swansea have been busy. £12million striker Wilfried Bony is the big name signing, while Jonjo Shelvey, Jordi Amat and Alejandro Pozuelo will seek to slide into Swansea's slick game. Jonathan de Guzman's return after his loan spell in 2012-13 is also welcome. Kemy Agustien and Mark Gower are the biggest permanent outs, while Alan Tate and Kyle Bartley have left on loan.
Ones To Watch: Bony looks like being a huge signing and should take some of the load off Michu, who scored a lot of goals for the Swans last year. A number of key Swans remain, such as Michel Vorm and Nathan Dyer, plus the aforementioned Michu, and they will seek to improve.
The Gaffer: There was some doubt over Michael Laudrup's status at the Liberty Stadium after the board and his agent fell out. But he remains and he will seek to preserve the upwards momentum of the Swans.
Prediction: Assuming they don't fall into the many potholes Newcastle did last year, they could well continue their rise and being a top-class nuisance at the top end of the division.
Tottenham Hotspur
Last Season In Four Words: One man, fifth place
What Do They Want?: Spurs are very much the Pinky and the Brain of the league - they always want that seemingly-elusive goal that would give them untold riches. The Champions League remains doubly important in light of the insane Bale speculation.
Transfers: Nearly all attention on Spurs transfer has concerned Gareth Bale, who is still at White Hart Lane. He is joined by record signing Roberto Soldado, Brazil international Paulinho and winger Nacer Chadli. Steven Caulker and William Gallas have left - possibly a bad idea given their other three centre halves are currently injured - while Clint Dempsey and David Bentley have also gone.
Ones To Watch: Bale, assuming he stays, is seen as the focal point given his impressive 12-13 campaign. Soldado also has to have a big season given Spurs' strikers failure to score regularly arguably cost them 4th spot, while Kyle Walker also has to improve after disappointing.
The Gaffer: Andre Villas-Boas is still seeking to show he is a capable manager in England after his failure at Chelsea. A record high-points total for Spurs is a great start and he will seek to jump on next year.
Prediction: It is almost certain Spurs will remain up in the top four challenge. But it will all come down to the status of their number 11 as to whether or not they make it the 2014-15 Champions League.
West Bromwich Albion
Last Season In Four Words: Remarkably comfortable despite lunacy
What Do They Want?: Its difficult to say. Although they finished 8th last season, the Baggies have shed squad members and don't look as strong a proposition.
Transfers: Nicolas Anelka has joined his 42nd English club as the replacement for Romelu Lukaku (returned to Chelsea), while the departed Marc-Antoine Fortune (signed for Wigan) has been replaced by loan signing Matej Vydra. Diego Lugano should add steel in defence, but the departures of Zoltan Gera, Jerome Thomas and Gonzalo Jara Reyes don't help the look of a team that feels weaker. Despite his moronic 2013, Peter Odemwingie is still at the club.
Ones To Watch: Anelka, Markus Rosenberg and Shane Long have a lot of scoring to do to fill up the shortfall left by Lukaku and the banished Odemwingie. The Baggies keeper Ben Foster will be hoping his defence is able to retain the firm nature it had in 2012-13.
The Gaffer: Steve Clarke is in his second full season of management, with the first being rather successful. But the challenge is on to maintain this.
Prediction: The team are in line for a more uncomfortable season on last year but shouldn't be in big danger of a bottom three battle.
West Ham United
Last Season In Four Words: Comfortable return to Premiership
What Do They Want?: The team would like to build on last year's 10th place but, realistically, another similar position would suffice.
Transfers: Andy Carroll's loan move has been made permanent in the headline signing, in a move which has allowed the much-mocked Carlton Cole to leave. Full back Razvan Rat, goalkeeper Adrian and youngster Danny Whitehead are the Hammers other summer signings, while Gary O'Neill has left.
Ones To Watch: Carroll remains a key option and will seek to improve on last year's 7 goals. Matt Jarvis and Joe Cole will seek to run well in tandem alongside the giant striker, while the previously profitable pairing of Carroll and Kevin Nolan could retain its effectiveness.
The Gaffer: Sam Allardyce's second season as West Ham manager was a lot more comfortable then his first, which saw West Ham almost blow the play-off final. Having re-established the East Londoners in the top flight, he'll now want to grab some success.
Prediction: More middle of the road antics. Will probably beat one or two top 4 sides then lose dismally at a relegation side.
The 20 teams all have their stories to tell and they will be ready to try and deliver the relative success that their fans crave.
It promises to be an intriguing season next year and the teams will all be gunning to go for next season. Now we await to see how everything pans out.
Sunday, 4 August 2013
Bale Us Out Of Silly Season
The transfer market and rumour mill is stupidly excessive at the best of times.
The likelihood of any transfer rumour coming to fruition is how much people believe in it as much as how much truth there is in it. With the sole exception of sellotaping cameras to possible movers, there is a lot of speculation based on sources without any quote giving vindication.
Moreso than most, this summer has been particularly bad for it, but the Gareth Bale transfer has seen this moved into overdrive.
Real Madrid are known for conducting their transfers in a certain - they use Madrid newspaper Marca to declare interest, which destabilises the player's mental state and makes them want to move to Spain.
Usually it works. Many have said they would not fall for it pretty much in the same month they inevitably do.
It helps kill airtime and fill news space, but its a fairly tedious cycle some clubs seem to do their best to elongate.
Spurs were particularly adept at it last summer, as they elongated the transfer of Luka Modric until the first few weeks of the season all so more money could be accumulated. Eventually, Real Madrid outbid Chelsea for £33M.
Now they're giving it a go again, as they seem to try and make Real Madrid make Bale the first 100M Euros-plus player.
It is a good question as to whether or not the Welshman is actually worth such stupid cash. Bale is unquestionably a talented footballer, and he has proved it in the past few years. Last season was particularly impressive, as he bagged 31 goals in all competitions and was by and large the central reason Spurs got close to the Champions League places they so richly covet.
But it is strange to think that he, of all players, is being touted as this planet's most valuable. His contribution is of similar stature in terms of performance and scoring to the likes of Mario Goetze, Falcao and Edinson Cavani, who have moved for smaller fees. Luis Suarez, Liverpool's errant wonder-cannibal, is arguably of similar stature but at £40,000,001, is valued around £40-60M less than Bale. Something on the way doesn't seem to work.
Also debatable is how much the Spanish giants actually require his services. The team have Cristiano Ronaldo, Angel di Maria, Mesut Ozil, Kaka, the aforementioned Modric and new signing Isco in the attacking midfield/winger department. Its arguable they need strikers instead, although Fiorentino Perez seems determined to make a success out of Karim Benzema to the point where nobody else will be considered.
The signing is seen as a classic Galactico's 'brand' signing. Bale is big business - his face is on the new FIFA 14 computer game cover and is the face of Premier League TV coverage for new-comers BT Sport in the UK and for the blockbuster NBC deal in the United States.
With Barcelona picking up hot Brazilian talent Neymar for £50million, the other of the La Liga powerhouses feels left behind in that stake. Its a strange way that one of the world's biggest football team feels this way and its odd they've chosen the best way is to try and trump then with a huge and unnecessary signing.
Saying this, Bale would nevertheless give it a good go out in La Liga. The impressive 31 goal haul he managed for himself in 2012-13 is proof that he is coming into his stride as one of the big talents in world football, and scoring 45 goals in La Liga - as Ronaldo and Messi do on a seasonal basis - seems to be the way to prove.
But the problem is much the fact he is an unnecessary signing as much as the way the whole saga is dragging on.
The tactic of using Marca to try to bring the player is clearly not working the way they want, which has led to the "hard bargain" tactics of plucking numbers out of thin air with which to value him at. Sporting economics are tricky enough but the crazy numbers here take the cake.
They've been allowed to ferment through ridiculous and baseless coverage. Using Marca to generate quotes ensures these are repeated by news media in the UK, which in turn helps them fill pages with all manner of crazy speculation surrounding the future of the player.
This is not the first time this has been going on, and not the only moment ridiculous speculation has abounded. The most stupid was a sage that saw Arsenal allegedly about to sign Gonzalo Higuain, who duly joined Napoli instead, while the futures of Suarez and Cesc Fabregas have generated exceedingly heavy coverage for deals that may not even be in the minds of the buyers.
It all gets a bit gratingly tedious. People like a good transfer rumour but this excessive circulation just throws doubts onto the whole system.
Its not exactly great fun for the clubs either, who would probably prefer a quiet transfer move.
The sooner the silly season stops is probably for the best before everybody loses their increasingly frayed mind over the whole thing. It will also help the clubs that can finally begin planning without the paranoia their best player is about to be snagged before they can do anything about it.
The likelihood of any transfer rumour coming to fruition is how much people believe in it as much as how much truth there is in it. With the sole exception of sellotaping cameras to possible movers, there is a lot of speculation based on sources without any quote giving vindication.
Moreso than most, this summer has been particularly bad for it, but the Gareth Bale transfer has seen this moved into overdrive.
Real Madrid are known for conducting their transfers in a certain - they use Madrid newspaper Marca to declare interest, which destabilises the player's mental state and makes them want to move to Spain.
Usually it works. Many have said they would not fall for it pretty much in the same month they inevitably do.
It helps kill airtime and fill news space, but its a fairly tedious cycle some clubs seem to do their best to elongate.
Spurs were particularly adept at it last summer, as they elongated the transfer of Luka Modric until the first few weeks of the season all so more money could be accumulated. Eventually, Real Madrid outbid Chelsea for £33M.
Now they're giving it a go again, as they seem to try and make Real Madrid make Bale the first 100M Euros-plus player.
It is a good question as to whether or not the Welshman is actually worth such stupid cash. Bale is unquestionably a talented footballer, and he has proved it in the past few years. Last season was particularly impressive, as he bagged 31 goals in all competitions and was by and large the central reason Spurs got close to the Champions League places they so richly covet.
But it is strange to think that he, of all players, is being touted as this planet's most valuable. His contribution is of similar stature in terms of performance and scoring to the likes of Mario Goetze, Falcao and Edinson Cavani, who have moved for smaller fees. Luis Suarez, Liverpool's errant wonder-cannibal, is arguably of similar stature but at £40,000,001, is valued around £40-60M less than Bale. Something on the way doesn't seem to work.
Also debatable is how much the Spanish giants actually require his services. The team have Cristiano Ronaldo, Angel di Maria, Mesut Ozil, Kaka, the aforementioned Modric and new signing Isco in the attacking midfield/winger department. Its arguable they need strikers instead, although Fiorentino Perez seems determined to make a success out of Karim Benzema to the point where nobody else will be considered.
The signing is seen as a classic Galactico's 'brand' signing. Bale is big business - his face is on the new FIFA 14 computer game cover and is the face of Premier League TV coverage for new-comers BT Sport in the UK and for the blockbuster NBC deal in the United States.
With Barcelona picking up hot Brazilian talent Neymar for £50million, the other of the La Liga powerhouses feels left behind in that stake. Its a strange way that one of the world's biggest football team feels this way and its odd they've chosen the best way is to try and trump then with a huge and unnecessary signing.
Saying this, Bale would nevertheless give it a good go out in La Liga. The impressive 31 goal haul he managed for himself in 2012-13 is proof that he is coming into his stride as one of the big talents in world football, and scoring 45 goals in La Liga - as Ronaldo and Messi do on a seasonal basis - seems to be the way to prove.
But the problem is much the fact he is an unnecessary signing as much as the way the whole saga is dragging on.
The tactic of using Marca to try to bring the player is clearly not working the way they want, which has led to the "hard bargain" tactics of plucking numbers out of thin air with which to value him at. Sporting economics are tricky enough but the crazy numbers here take the cake.
They've been allowed to ferment through ridiculous and baseless coverage. Using Marca to generate quotes ensures these are repeated by news media in the UK, which in turn helps them fill pages with all manner of crazy speculation surrounding the future of the player.
This is not the first time this has been going on, and not the only moment ridiculous speculation has abounded. The most stupid was a sage that saw Arsenal allegedly about to sign Gonzalo Higuain, who duly joined Napoli instead, while the futures of Suarez and Cesc Fabregas have generated exceedingly heavy coverage for deals that may not even be in the minds of the buyers.
It all gets a bit gratingly tedious. People like a good transfer rumour but this excessive circulation just throws doubts onto the whole system.
Its not exactly great fun for the clubs either, who would probably prefer a quiet transfer move.
The sooner the silly season stops is probably for the best before everybody loses their increasingly frayed mind over the whole thing. It will also help the clubs that can finally begin planning without the paranoia their best player is about to be snagged before they can do anything about it.
Wednesday, 24 July 2013
Now You See Me - Film Review
*CAUTION: This review contains spoilers for Now You See Me. If you haven't seen it and wish to do so, proceed with caution.*
Of all the stage craft in existence, the acts who have it hardest to gain credibility are the magicians.
People are far too eager to poke holes into magic tricks and find out how they're going on while they're being conveyed. While there is some success with the Penn and Teller shows and the recent rise of Dynamo: Magician Impossible, a lot of magic is generally sneered at.
Maybe this is why somebody decided its time for a film where the magicians are ready to bite back.
The premise of Now You See Me is of four street magicians performing a bank job. Sounds tempting enough, and with its role-call of A-list names it sounds like it could be even bigger. The film has already trumped the diabolical-looking After Earth in the ratings but is it all show?
We are introduced to magic troupe The Four Horsemen, who are formed of street performers - J. Daniel Atlas (Jesse Eisenberg), Henley Reeves (Isla Fisher), Jack Wilder (Dave Franco) and Mermitt McKinney (Woody Harrelson). They are summoned by a mysterious benefactor's tarot cards to New York City and shown an intricate scheme with motives unclear.
One year later and the gang are playing a huge show in Las Vegas. At the climax of their Vegas show, they decide to rob a bank with the help of a man in the audience chosen at random using ping pong balls. The man says his local bank is one in Paris but no bother - the magicians bring him up on to, before transporting him back to the arena. Bought back with him are some 3.2 million Euros, which are jettisoned across the crowd.
The crowd is delighted - as you would be if you got a random 50 Euro haul - but the FBI are not quite so enthusiastic. Agent Dylan Rhodes (Mark Ruffalo) is partnered up with Interpol agent Alma Dray (Mélanie Laurent) to investigate the magic troupe.
Unfortunately a trigger word renders the man that was 'teleported' useless and the magicians don't prove much help beyond "it was magic", so they're let go. More help is offered by ex-magician-turned-whistleblower Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman), who deduced the money had been stolen from the Parisian bank a while before and elaborate smoke and mirrors were used to deceive everyone into thinking it was stolen in real time.
And therein lies one of the flaws of the film, much like magic. As it happens it is easy to get swept away in what is pure spectacle. Hell, if you were in the arena enjoying the show when suddenly a man snapped his fingers and let it rain money on your head, it would be amazing.
But when you de-construct it, it just gives it the feel of a standard heist movie. There's the various marks and the unwitting central con who gives it the central momentum.
It also begins one of the traits of the film - the endless attempts at twists and turns, that attempt to be clever but by-and-large are a bit hit-and-miss. Some of what they're attempting works and has a smooth big picture but there's a fair few moments of clutter that don't help the show's smoothness.
Anyway, after Vegas, the show rolls east to New Orleans. Here, the team pull their next assortment of tricks before they conclude with the biggest one of all. The shows in Vegas and the Big Easy have been bankrolled by insurance multi-millionaire Arthur Tressler (Michael Caine), and as a climax of the show they steal roughly $140million from them and distribute it to their crowd, who were all victims of denied or reduced insurance claims with Tressler Insurance.
Tressler had previously tried to get Bradley off his back but now decided to utilise him as the key to reclaim the cash back.
This leads to the FBI seemingly gaining some ground but soon enough they duly lose it, as although a car chase seemingly claims one of the Horsemen, they lose track as a safe full of stolen money is revealed to be a hoax.
And then, just as it seems they have the now-Three Horsemen cornered at their final gig on Five Pointz in Queens, they lose them again.
No revelations how but it is more of the same problem. The cast are clearly enjoying themselves and it is a remarkable deception that is spectacle in its own way without resorting to blowing up a skyscraper or four, which is a refreshing change. But the plausibility of it all is a bit of a mental stretch.
The end of the film is also a strange one. It shows how easy it can be to get lost in the vision, as it requires fairly heavy-duty explanation and knot-tying to tie the entire film together. So although it all checks out by it's fairly over-the-top rules, the long explanation is a bit of a mega-delay that takes a while to truly click.
So although its a charming and entertaining piece of film, the big reveal as to how it all come together has a lot of loose fits that results in some of the magic is kinda lost.
3/5
Of all the stage craft in existence, the acts who have it hardest to gain credibility are the magicians.
People are far too eager to poke holes into magic tricks and find out how they're going on while they're being conveyed. While there is some success with the Penn and Teller shows and the recent rise of Dynamo: Magician Impossible, a lot of magic is generally sneered at.
Maybe this is why somebody decided its time for a film where the magicians are ready to bite back.
The premise of Now You See Me is of four street magicians performing a bank job. Sounds tempting enough, and with its role-call of A-list names it sounds like it could be even bigger. The film has already trumped the diabolical-looking After Earth in the ratings but is it all show?
We are introduced to magic troupe The Four Horsemen, who are formed of street performers - J. Daniel Atlas (Jesse Eisenberg), Henley Reeves (Isla Fisher), Jack Wilder (Dave Franco) and Mermitt McKinney (Woody Harrelson). They are summoned by a mysterious benefactor's tarot cards to New York City and shown an intricate scheme with motives unclear.
One year later and the gang are playing a huge show in Las Vegas. At the climax of their Vegas show, they decide to rob a bank with the help of a man in the audience chosen at random using ping pong balls. The man says his local bank is one in Paris but no bother - the magicians bring him up on to, before transporting him back to the arena. Bought back with him are some 3.2 million Euros, which are jettisoned across the crowd.
The crowd is delighted - as you would be if you got a random 50 Euro haul - but the FBI are not quite so enthusiastic. Agent Dylan Rhodes (Mark Ruffalo) is partnered up with Interpol agent Alma Dray (Mélanie Laurent) to investigate the magic troupe.
Unfortunately a trigger word renders the man that was 'teleported' useless and the magicians don't prove much help beyond "it was magic", so they're let go. More help is offered by ex-magician-turned-whistleblower Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman), who deduced the money had been stolen from the Parisian bank a while before and elaborate smoke and mirrors were used to deceive everyone into thinking it was stolen in real time.
And therein lies one of the flaws of the film, much like magic. As it happens it is easy to get swept away in what is pure spectacle. Hell, if you were in the arena enjoying the show when suddenly a man snapped his fingers and let it rain money on your head, it would be amazing.
But when you de-construct it, it just gives it the feel of a standard heist movie. There's the various marks and the unwitting central con who gives it the central momentum.
It also begins one of the traits of the film - the endless attempts at twists and turns, that attempt to be clever but by-and-large are a bit hit-and-miss. Some of what they're attempting works and has a smooth big picture but there's a fair few moments of clutter that don't help the show's smoothness.
Anyway, after Vegas, the show rolls east to New Orleans. Here, the team pull their next assortment of tricks before they conclude with the biggest one of all. The shows in Vegas and the Big Easy have been bankrolled by insurance multi-millionaire Arthur Tressler (Michael Caine), and as a climax of the show they steal roughly $140million from them and distribute it to their crowd, who were all victims of denied or reduced insurance claims with Tressler Insurance.
Tressler had previously tried to get Bradley off his back but now decided to utilise him as the key to reclaim the cash back.
This leads to the FBI seemingly gaining some ground but soon enough they duly lose it, as although a car chase seemingly claims one of the Horsemen, they lose track as a safe full of stolen money is revealed to be a hoax.
And then, just as it seems they have the now-Three Horsemen cornered at their final gig on Five Pointz in Queens, they lose them again.
No revelations how but it is more of the same problem. The cast are clearly enjoying themselves and it is a remarkable deception that is spectacle in its own way without resorting to blowing up a skyscraper or four, which is a refreshing change. But the plausibility of it all is a bit of a mental stretch.
The end of the film is also a strange one. It shows how easy it can be to get lost in the vision, as it requires fairly heavy-duty explanation and knot-tying to tie the entire film together. So although it all checks out by it's fairly over-the-top rules, the long explanation is a bit of a mega-delay that takes a while to truly click.
So although its a charming and entertaining piece of film, the big reveal as to how it all come together has a lot of loose fits that results in some of the magic is kinda lost.
3/5
Tuesday, 23 July 2013
The World's End - Film Review
*CAUTION: This review contains spoilers for The World's End. If you haven't seen it and wish to do so, proceed with caution.*
The work of Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Edgar Wright has a certain fondness for drinking establishments.
The pub has previously been used as the escape from tedium (various episodes of Spaced), the preferred refuge from zombie attack (Shaun of the Dead) and the place to shelter and conceive of a scheme to defeat a troupe of murdering loons (Hot Fuzz).
Here, the pub is the scene for two activities - the place to try and reconcile fragmented friendships, and equally, the place to stumble across and hide from evil creatures.
The story begins with the prologue of a night 5 young men celebrated the end of their school years in 1990 by taking on the quest of The Golden Mile - 12 pubs in their anonymous hometown of Newton Haven. In the end they called it quits after 9 with one of them laid by the wayside.
Some 23 years on and the gang are being bought back together, albeit not without some difficulty due to the events of the intervening years.
The driving force is former head boy Gary King (Pegg), who has become a washed up late 30-something. He leaves his therapy session in search of his old friends - Peter (Eddie Marsan), Oliver (Martin Freeman), Steven (Paddy Considine) and Andrew (Frost) - to try and actually complete The Golden Mile.
Although it takes persuasion - a lot of it in the case of Andrew, who got shot of Gary after an incident a few years after the night in question - the gang is re-united ahead of the trip.
Gary returns - in a vintage Ford Cortina that has been rebuilt - and collects his chums from the train station before driving to their town to begin the quest.
The problems quickly mount, starting with the "Starbuckisation", if you will, of the pubs. Fitting with modern day pubs, they all look alike. A surprising amount of pubs look and feel same as ever - indeed it takes a few before there's any change, and even then they have the same teak.
There's also the fragile dischord, which is played mainly for the bleak feel of friends falling apart rather than the comic effect. There's a few laughs hither and thither to keep things entertaining though, but it is mainly for the serious stakes.
At this point, it feels like a different place from the real thing. Oddly, Gary at times seems to resemble the villain from Men in Black 3, but years honing his acting on all manner of things means Pegg is approaching this in form and continues the streak. Frost is also doing well in his role, and it takes an interesting turn in pitting them as opposites rather than as friends at the start.
Its tricky to see what, if anything, can unite them. But then a force that binds them rocks up a few pubs down, just after Gary has been shunned by Oliver's sister Sam (Rosamund Pike), who was his one-night stand on the original Golden Mile day.
Here, a slightly-intoxicated Gary gets aggravated at a teen in the toilets has been ignoring him when a fight breaks out. The teen is superhuman, and it takes limb severing to defeat it. However this exposes the fact that the teen has blue ink instead of blood and a robotic anatomy.
Soon the gang has to fight the teen's friends - and the original one's headless, armless body. Surviving that, they decide the best thing to do is to carry on. Originally leaving was the plan but with Andrew deciding to jump back onto the booze wagon after 16 years teetotal by downing 5 vodka shots, they decide sticking around is the plan.
At the next pub, Sam bumps into them while out with friends and is duly made aware of the conspiracy when her friends are revealed to also be robots, thus with another drunk brawl.
The film at this point has a series of drunk brawls punctuated by funny lines and monologues. The arrival at disco-pub The Mermaid sees an intricate explanation of the conspiracy that the town's inhabitants are plugged into a vast alien network, which is spread by contact with human skin so the network can replicate the target's body form.
Not-so-coincidentally, at this time, three high school lovers of the original troupe are kissing them, playing and dancing with them, swallowing Andrew's wedding rings in one bizarre example.
The next pub is The Beehive, which sees a familiar face to Bond and ABBA fans explain in a remarkably cool voice the benefits of membership. It could be enough to persuade somebody to join in, and Oliver is suspiciously sympathetic with this. However this is taken to the point where its revealed what was suspected - when both Oliver and the familiar are taken out, they are revealed to be robots too. Only problem is they're but two amongst about another thousand robots.
The choreography has been handed to Jackie Chan's fight scenes director, who does an admirable job in making the fights. Coupled with Edgar Wright's direction and it is delightful to watch, even if it takes on the swerving-fight look so many films seem to prefer despite it's aggravating disorientation.
One particular scene of note during the brawl in the Beehive sees Gary still trying to drink his fight even while robots are trying to beat the shit out of him. That seems to be a measure of the man - the man who wants to be forever young in the words of Alphaville, in a society where things don't work this way. It's almost something for sympathy, as well want to re-live our younger days but don't have the capability - physical or time - to do so.
Saying that, its a bit too man-babyish - a "maybe" as put in a later scene - which just makes him look like a loser. Everyone has to grow up sometimes, and all that.
Still being pursued, the crawl unofficially (i.e. Gary is the only one still taking part) rocks up to its final destination.
Gary and Andrew has a genuinely moving moment in and amidst a bar brawl, before stumbling upon the conspiracy.
The alien vision sounds charming, but unfortunately, three drunks are not the people to talk too about it. The aliens, indeed, probably could be better off just infiltrating the political offices and persuading/forcing humanity to go along this way. There's probably a film in this somewhere.
The end coda is definitely different, revelling almost in the changed surroundings, as well as finding the humour, not least with the well-placed mention of a certain frozen dairy treat also found in Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.
This is not a film without some problems, not least given it does have a certain amount of indulgence in its sci-fi premises.
But on the whole, its still a delightful film, with funny moments, impressive action, good writing, an intriguing conspiracy idea and a well-formulated hangover so literally apocalyptic that it makes The Hangover movies look like a good night's sleep after a night in.
Its certainly impressive and if this is last orders for the Pegg-Frost-Wright team then its only fitting they've gone out with the best one of the lot.
4/5
The work of Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Edgar Wright has a certain fondness for drinking establishments.
The pub has previously been used as the escape from tedium (various episodes of Spaced), the preferred refuge from zombie attack (Shaun of the Dead) and the place to shelter and conceive of a scheme to defeat a troupe of murdering loons (Hot Fuzz).
Here, the pub is the scene for two activities - the place to try and reconcile fragmented friendships, and equally, the place to stumble across and hide from evil creatures.
The story begins with the prologue of a night 5 young men celebrated the end of their school years in 1990 by taking on the quest of The Golden Mile - 12 pubs in their anonymous hometown of Newton Haven. In the end they called it quits after 9 with one of them laid by the wayside.
Some 23 years on and the gang are being bought back together, albeit not without some difficulty due to the events of the intervening years.
The driving force is former head boy Gary King (Pegg), who has become a washed up late 30-something. He leaves his therapy session in search of his old friends - Peter (Eddie Marsan), Oliver (Martin Freeman), Steven (Paddy Considine) and Andrew (Frost) - to try and actually complete The Golden Mile.
Although it takes persuasion - a lot of it in the case of Andrew, who got shot of Gary after an incident a few years after the night in question - the gang is re-united ahead of the trip.
Gary returns - in a vintage Ford Cortina that has been rebuilt - and collects his chums from the train station before driving to their town to begin the quest.
The problems quickly mount, starting with the "Starbuckisation", if you will, of the pubs. Fitting with modern day pubs, they all look alike. A surprising amount of pubs look and feel same as ever - indeed it takes a few before there's any change, and even then they have the same teak.
There's also the fragile dischord, which is played mainly for the bleak feel of friends falling apart rather than the comic effect. There's a few laughs hither and thither to keep things entertaining though, but it is mainly for the serious stakes.
At this point, it feels like a different place from the real thing. Oddly, Gary at times seems to resemble the villain from Men in Black 3, but years honing his acting on all manner of things means Pegg is approaching this in form and continues the streak. Frost is also doing well in his role, and it takes an interesting turn in pitting them as opposites rather than as friends at the start.
Its tricky to see what, if anything, can unite them. But then a force that binds them rocks up a few pubs down, just after Gary has been shunned by Oliver's sister Sam (Rosamund Pike), who was his one-night stand on the original Golden Mile day.
Here, a slightly-intoxicated Gary gets aggravated at a teen in the toilets has been ignoring him when a fight breaks out. The teen is superhuman, and it takes limb severing to defeat it. However this exposes the fact that the teen has blue ink instead of blood and a robotic anatomy.
Soon the gang has to fight the teen's friends - and the original one's headless, armless body. Surviving that, they decide the best thing to do is to carry on. Originally leaving was the plan but with Andrew deciding to jump back onto the booze wagon after 16 years teetotal by downing 5 vodka shots, they decide sticking around is the plan.
At the next pub, Sam bumps into them while out with friends and is duly made aware of the conspiracy when her friends are revealed to also be robots, thus with another drunk brawl.
The film at this point has a series of drunk brawls punctuated by funny lines and monologues. The arrival at disco-pub The Mermaid sees an intricate explanation of the conspiracy that the town's inhabitants are plugged into a vast alien network, which is spread by contact with human skin so the network can replicate the target's body form.
Not-so-coincidentally, at this time, three high school lovers of the original troupe are kissing them, playing and dancing with them, swallowing Andrew's wedding rings in one bizarre example.
The next pub is The Beehive, which sees a familiar face to Bond and ABBA fans explain in a remarkably cool voice the benefits of membership. It could be enough to persuade somebody to join in, and Oliver is suspiciously sympathetic with this. However this is taken to the point where its revealed what was suspected - when both Oliver and the familiar are taken out, they are revealed to be robots too. Only problem is they're but two amongst about another thousand robots.
The choreography has been handed to Jackie Chan's fight scenes director, who does an admirable job in making the fights. Coupled with Edgar Wright's direction and it is delightful to watch, even if it takes on the swerving-fight look so many films seem to prefer despite it's aggravating disorientation.
One particular scene of note during the brawl in the Beehive sees Gary still trying to drink his fight even while robots are trying to beat the shit out of him. That seems to be a measure of the man - the man who wants to be forever young in the words of Alphaville, in a society where things don't work this way. It's almost something for sympathy, as well want to re-live our younger days but don't have the capability - physical or time - to do so.
Saying that, its a bit too man-babyish - a "maybe" as put in a later scene - which just makes him look like a loser. Everyone has to grow up sometimes, and all that.
Still being pursued, the crawl unofficially (i.e. Gary is the only one still taking part) rocks up to its final destination.
Gary and Andrew has a genuinely moving moment in and amidst a bar brawl, before stumbling upon the conspiracy.
The alien vision sounds charming, but unfortunately, three drunks are not the people to talk too about it. The aliens, indeed, probably could be better off just infiltrating the political offices and persuading/forcing humanity to go along this way. There's probably a film in this somewhere.
The end coda is definitely different, revelling almost in the changed surroundings, as well as finding the humour, not least with the well-placed mention of a certain frozen dairy treat also found in Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.
This is not a film without some problems, not least given it does have a certain amount of indulgence in its sci-fi premises.
But on the whole, its still a delightful film, with funny moments, impressive action, good writing, an intriguing conspiracy idea and a well-formulated hangover so literally apocalyptic that it makes The Hangover movies look like a good night's sleep after a night in.
Its certainly impressive and if this is last orders for the Pegg-Frost-Wright team then its only fitting they've gone out with the best one of the lot.
4/5
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