While the World Cup has somewhat eclipsed the transfer window, planning for the new season is still being orchestrated.
This was captured by a big breakthrough for Manchester United, who continued their rebuild by all-but signing Southampton full-back Luke Shaw and purchasing Spanish midfielder Ander Herrera.
Other rumours and transfers are happening at all levels, as teams prepare for the new season. So what exactly are Newcastle United doing?
Well, so far, there has been some permanent signings, with Spanish striker Ayoze Perez and Sunderland midfielder Jack Colback moving to Tyneside, while Shola Ameobi, Luuk de Jong and Loic Remy are among those to have already left.
Its clear Newcastle need strikers, not to mention a winger and in most likelihood, a new full-back given Mathieu Debuchy is unlikely to stay on Tyneside. After all, Debuchy has complained he feels his game his inhibited by Pardew's negative tactics and says he misses playing the Champions League. If he stays, its nothing short of astonishing.
All the talk, however, has been of outs. As well the departed trio up-front, there's been several links for the exit door for Tim Krul, Debuchy, Steven Taylor, Davide Santon, Hatem Ben Arfa, Sylvain Marveuax and Gabriel Obertan, as well as for youngsters James Tavernier and Mehdi Abeid, despite them impressing while on loan last season.
Its questionable if Alan Pardew knows what he's doing on letting such a big change in numbers happen so quickly. Not all of these players are capable but squad depth would be nice, particularly given it regularly seems to be an alien concept to Newcastle managers. Most of these players have also been ruined by his poor management, which has turned Ben Arfa and Marveuax from promising prospects to fat men who can't even get a game behind wingers that aren't wingers.
Also, trying to change too quickly can have repercussions. A very quickfire turnaround in players can lead to an unsettled difference in trying to adapt a new team, and it means that it can take far too long to have the formula figured out.
Saying that, much work is needed on the playing squad even with these players staying. But so far, the indication has been that it will be a summer of cheapskate signings. The club are refusing to pay the valuation of Montpellier winger Remy Cabella - who is currently with Debuchy on World Cup duty - and is equally unwilling to meet the valuation of highly rated German striker Pierre Michel Lassoga.
Somebody has to tell Mike Ashley that assuming the football world can function on cheap signings is no longer possible. It was very impressive when in 2011 we constructed a fanttastic CM of Yohan Cabaye and Cheick Tiote for less than £8M. By contrast, of course, Norwich spent £8M on Ricky van Wolfswinkel, who netted one goal in the 2013-14 season.
But that was then. Nowadays, with Premier League teams earning a minimum of £60M just for taking part, the economics are different. On top that, the team earned a further £20M for finishing in the top half, and a further £15M in player transfer profit thanks to the sale of Cabaye to PSG in January.
With the club having made £95M in total from these ventures even before matchday, merchandise and corporate revenue is thrown into the pile, it brings to mind that the Newcastle accountants could do a passable Scrooge McDuck impersonation on this cash. But other clubs also see this cash and think that if Newcastle have this much, they can afford to splash it.
Truthfully, we also can. But this reluctance to do so is a huge problem, because it fuels the lack of investment in the playing squad that has already alienated key squad members, and could allow us to drift further.
2013-14 was already an irritating year for Newcastle fans, with the tentative progress of the first half of the campaign thrown away in a depressing end of season run-in that would have seen Alan Pardew fired if it wasn't for his stupidly long contract.
In 2012-13 and 2013-14, Newcastle have lost 38 Premier League games in all, split evenly between each one. This depressing statistic includes a number of 3 goals or more pastings, and cannot be allowed to continue, but it feels like it is by a boardroom underestimating how shaky the ground beneath their feet is.
Its also now 65 years since Newcastle won a major trophy (the 1969 Inter-Cities Fairs Cup, now known as the UEFA Europa League), and the board have indicated they don't care for glory. They just care for a healthy balance sheet, and apparently going for glory would ruin that, even though sport is mainly about the glory rather than the middling dullness of mid-table campaigns. Its amazing some of our more top-end players haven't moved already considering this restraint on even attempting success exists.
Any lack of investment this summer - and from the looks of it, he is refusing to spend on a loss again - will be a huge problem, as it will leave us ill-equipped for the new season and facing a depressing campaign.
Ashley also has to be told more people will want to sponsor his sporting product if its successful, and hopefully we could get a more credible face than Wonga.com, who were this week fined for appalling practices in their loan-sharking operation. But this willful sabotage hidden under cover of World Cup darkness is causing a huge problem, and with no end in sight, this messy summer could once again lead to a rough campaign.
Friday, 27 June 2014
Wednesday, 18 June 2014
Kasabian at Shepherd's Bush Empire - Live Review
It's safe to say the expectations for Kasabian as a live act are getting quite big.
Their albums maybe frustratingly inconsistent, but as a live act, they certainly have the chops.After all, they are now big enough for the headline slot at Glastonbury Festival - not only that but closing the festival as well, to boot - and will be preceding it with a 50,000-capacity outdoor homecoming show in Leicester.
Before that is a more smaller affair, in the grand surroundings of the Shepherd's Bush Empire theatre for War Child, who have made the Leicester band this year's charity gig after previous events involving Muse, Coldplay and The Killers. The efforts here have certainly helped raise cash for the charity, while members for charities associated with War Child and people they rescued are also in attendance.
This show is also the London launch party for 5th album 48:13, and there may have been a temptation to play the whole thing, not least given it currently tops the UK album chart.
However, they don't do that. After the raucous opener Bumblebee, Kasabian instead dip back into the hit parade. A snippet of Kanye West's Black Skinhead is a perfectly weighted introduction to the classic snarler Shoot the Runner, before the one-two of Underdog and Where Did All The Love Go continues the party.
Co-frontmen Tom Meighan and Sergio Pizzorno are in typically buoyant mood, barking out lyrics and commands to go nuts that the masses in front of them respond to with gusto. The moshpit is a sea of limbs bouncing in time to the strain of the works, and there isn't a single song in the entire set that they stay still for.
There are indeed moments when it seems the crowd is bouncing in time to the crack of drummer Ian Matthews' snare drum, which the crowd moshes heavily no matter which members of the large rotating cast are on stage at once.
In all, some 14 members are on stage during the headliner's set - the 4 main members, plus de-facto members on keyboard, trumpet and lead guitar, along with a 4 piece string section and 3 female backing vocalists who dip in and out of proceedings. You don't get the sense, however, that they don't want to be there. All of them approach their roles with gusto, with Meighan and Pizzorno in particular bundles of energy on a stage much smaller to those they have played in recent years.
This good mood and mixture of players allows a variety of pleasing textures to seep out of the stage. The contrast is certainly felt between string-led tracks that pepper the set, the classic electro-indie-styled tunes and the 48:13 material. This includes one-two of lead single Eez-eh and likely future single Stevie appears a few songs down the line, with the former much than recordings from live shows suggested, while the latter is an improvement of the inconsistent album version.
Later down the line, the band also dispatched the sprawling Treat - an almost seven minute mishmash of indie, rap, electronica, psychedelic rock and everything inbetween. On record, its an entertaining mess, but here, with Pizzorno bouncing around the stage wielding maracas and heavy duty strobe lights bathing the venue, its a highlight.
This series of new material also fit in with the hit parade Kasabian have cultivated. A heady rush of Days are Forgotten and Processed Beats keeps the crowd singing and dancing, while there's also diversions into electro (the spindly yet supple ID) and mariachi (Take Aim, which is delightful but ruined by a far-too-teasing snippet of Empire closer The Doberman as an intro).
One early quibble was the bass being nothing more than a series of faint rumbles, although its mercifully resolved for the snappy, snarling Club Foot, which sees Chris Edwards' 4-string fill the room with that monstrous riff.
The main set concludes with Kasabian's best-known tune in the form of Fire, where it feels that the entire room is in a frenzied delirium, singing and dancing like its life depends on it.
But its not done yet, and if Switchblade Smiles is a decent start to the encore, Vlad the Impaler - dedicated to the late Rik Mayall, who died last week - is astonishing. The bass and guitar riffs are loud enough to start earthquakes, while the crowd reponse - despite everything - is possibly the best of the night so far.
And there's still time for the crowd to go even more mad, as a cover of Praise You gives way to L.S.F. - a final run-through of the classic song that used to close all the gigs.
It says a lot about how much they've improved live that Kasabian can afford to leave out their best song in the form of Fast Fuse, plus similarly impressive material like Cutt Off, Stuntman, Thick as Thieves and many more, and yet the gig does not suffer. Its an effortless snapshot of the band's 10 years in pop culture, that is almost effortless at exciting the impressive crowd.
Its not a perfect night, but very close to it. They may still be indecisive on record, but the live arena is where Kasabian made their name, and shows like this prove exactly why.
Leicester and Glastonbury will be in for some exciting treats.
4/5
Opening proceedings were Merseyside-based 5-piece The Sundowners, who even had a Miles Kane/Alex Turner lookalike on lead guitar. The band's twin female vocalists do provide a nice verve to proceedings, which divots over a variety of sounds even despite the suspicion the guitars have been either turned off or very low. Final song Medicine does hint at promise that they could be bigger, and there is certainly enough to entertain before proceedings get underway.
Their albums maybe frustratingly inconsistent, but as a live act, they certainly have the chops.After all, they are now big enough for the headline slot at Glastonbury Festival - not only that but closing the festival as well, to boot - and will be preceding it with a 50,000-capacity outdoor homecoming show in Leicester.
Before that is a more smaller affair, in the grand surroundings of the Shepherd's Bush Empire theatre for War Child, who have made the Leicester band this year's charity gig after previous events involving Muse, Coldplay and The Killers. The efforts here have certainly helped raise cash for the charity, while members for charities associated with War Child and people they rescued are also in attendance.
This show is also the London launch party for 5th album 48:13, and there may have been a temptation to play the whole thing, not least given it currently tops the UK album chart.
However, they don't do that. After the raucous opener Bumblebee, Kasabian instead dip back into the hit parade. A snippet of Kanye West's Black Skinhead is a perfectly weighted introduction to the classic snarler Shoot the Runner, before the one-two of Underdog and Where Did All The Love Go continues the party.
Co-frontmen Tom Meighan and Sergio Pizzorno are in typically buoyant mood, barking out lyrics and commands to go nuts that the masses in front of them respond to with gusto. The moshpit is a sea of limbs bouncing in time to the strain of the works, and there isn't a single song in the entire set that they stay still for.
There are indeed moments when it seems the crowd is bouncing in time to the crack of drummer Ian Matthews' snare drum, which the crowd moshes heavily no matter which members of the large rotating cast are on stage at once.
In all, some 14 members are on stage during the headliner's set - the 4 main members, plus de-facto members on keyboard, trumpet and lead guitar, along with a 4 piece string section and 3 female backing vocalists who dip in and out of proceedings. You don't get the sense, however, that they don't want to be there. All of them approach their roles with gusto, with Meighan and Pizzorno in particular bundles of energy on a stage much smaller to those they have played in recent years.
This good mood and mixture of players allows a variety of pleasing textures to seep out of the stage. The contrast is certainly felt between string-led tracks that pepper the set, the classic electro-indie-styled tunes and the 48:13 material. This includes one-two of lead single Eez-eh and likely future single Stevie appears a few songs down the line, with the former much than recordings from live shows suggested, while the latter is an improvement of the inconsistent album version.
Later down the line, the band also dispatched the sprawling Treat - an almost seven minute mishmash of indie, rap, electronica, psychedelic rock and everything inbetween. On record, its an entertaining mess, but here, with Pizzorno bouncing around the stage wielding maracas and heavy duty strobe lights bathing the venue, its a highlight.
This series of new material also fit in with the hit parade Kasabian have cultivated. A heady rush of Days are Forgotten and Processed Beats keeps the crowd singing and dancing, while there's also diversions into electro (the spindly yet supple ID) and mariachi (Take Aim, which is delightful but ruined by a far-too-teasing snippet of Empire closer The Doberman as an intro).
One early quibble was the bass being nothing more than a series of faint rumbles, although its mercifully resolved for the snappy, snarling Club Foot, which sees Chris Edwards' 4-string fill the room with that monstrous riff.
The main set concludes with Kasabian's best-known tune in the form of Fire, where it feels that the entire room is in a frenzied delirium, singing and dancing like its life depends on it.
But its not done yet, and if Switchblade Smiles is a decent start to the encore, Vlad the Impaler - dedicated to the late Rik Mayall, who died last week - is astonishing. The bass and guitar riffs are loud enough to start earthquakes, while the crowd reponse - despite everything - is possibly the best of the night so far.
And there's still time for the crowd to go even more mad, as a cover of Praise You gives way to L.S.F. - a final run-through of the classic song that used to close all the gigs.
It says a lot about how much they've improved live that Kasabian can afford to leave out their best song in the form of Fast Fuse, plus similarly impressive material like Cutt Off, Stuntman, Thick as Thieves and many more, and yet the gig does not suffer. Its an effortless snapshot of the band's 10 years in pop culture, that is almost effortless at exciting the impressive crowd.
Its not a perfect night, but very close to it. They may still be indecisive on record, but the live arena is where Kasabian made their name, and shows like this prove exactly why.
Leicester and Glastonbury will be in for some exciting treats.
4/5
Opening proceedings were Merseyside-based 5-piece The Sundowners, who even had a Miles Kane/Alex Turner lookalike on lead guitar. The band's twin female vocalists do provide a nice verve to proceedings, which divots over a variety of sounds even despite the suspicion the guitars have been either turned off or very low. Final song Medicine does hint at promise that they could be bigger, and there is certainly enough to entertain before proceedings get underway.
Wednesday, 4 June 2014
A Million Ways To Die In The West - Film Review
It seems naturally fitting that having attempted everything else in Hollywood, Seth MacFarlane would fancy being the leading man in his own movie.
Having already been a cartoonist, voiceover artist, director, writer, producer and voice actor in his own animated movie, it appears the live-action star in his own movie - his acting debut, no less - was his next step to attempting some kind of beserk cultural domination. He even released a novel version of this movie two months ago.
Reportedly, he may not have engaged in this move, with Paul Rudd apparently approached over the role before MacFarlane decided to step into the breach himself.
Nevertheless, you would be forgiven for hoping for something special - MacFarlane has created some hilarious comedy moments with his previous TV and film work, there's an impressive looking cast - both on the bill and with cameos - and it looked good in the trailers.
This, however, does have the hallmark of a vanity project. Despite the impressive looking roster, the insane hands-on approach MacFarlane takes to this is absurd, and its safe to say he's found his own inspiration for this in his obsession for Western movies and in his own personal life.
MacFarlane has said in interviews he has been dumped by girls for being too nice. Naturally, inside the opening five minutes, his cowardly sheep farmer character Albert Stark is dumped by his girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried) after skedaddling on the standard Western showdown.
Albert essentially opens as a function to slag off the Western Frontier of America as a place to live, citing dozens upon dozens of reasons to his only friends Edward (Giovanni Ribisi) and his prostitute fiancee Ruth (Sarah Silverman).
Edward and Ruth are Christians withholding sex from one another until marriage, despite Ruth doing everything with everyone around town. Its a mildly amusing gag at first, but despite one or two other moments, it gets old staggeringly quickly.
Repetition becomes a problem - its not enough to have one joke, as it has to be repeated, and given its use in the trailer, its stale quickly.
A lot of the jokes are, naturally, so worn out from the trailer that they fail to resonate so well. There is some withheld stuff that, mercifully, adds something to the table. Particularly amusing is Albert's father George (Christopher Hagen), who is gloriously profane in the classic crochety old man role.
Also working well with a magnificent amount of scenery-chewing, if a little underused, is Louise's new lover Foy (Neil Patrick Harris), and his fabulously ornate moustache. He and Albert do not get on well, with Foy being a particularly devious man - like Patrick Harris' How I Met Your Mother show-stealer Barney Stinson, only somehow even more of an ass.
Considering both Patrick Harris and MacFarlane are renowned for their singing abilities, it feels odd neither gets a change to show off their vocals, with the - admittedly impressive - solo song performed by country singer Amick Byram.
The song in MacFarlane's character's heart is certainly minute, as he struggles to blend in amidst the fights. Bizarrely, though, heart-tugging rom-coms seem to be the aim for his character's arc when Anna (Charlize Theron) strolls into town.
She is married to infamous outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), but naturally keeps it a secret long enough for Albert to fall in love with her.
In truth, the rom-com aspect is extremely basic, although MacFarlane does seem like he has the potential for such work. His acting beyond classic voice work does need work, but there is some promise lurking there.
He does, however, at time reminds you of Brian Griffin in a bolo tie and Stetson. In truth, its kind of a curse MacFarlane and his co-writers in Family Guy have been involved, as it reminds a lot of one of the recent lackluster recent works put out by the Fox animated staple.
That's not to say everything fails to hit the mark. There are amusing lines dotted hither and thither, some provoke a smirk and there are one or two guffaws. Some amusing lines drop in and out, and there is an amusing cameo from American talk show host Bill Maher. But there is also a heavy reliance of sex, race and scatological jokes, and while some are amusing, and there is one jaw-droppingly offensive joke later somehow made even more weird with a late cameo for Django (Jamie Foxx)
There's also a bizarre on-drugs sequence near the end when Albert is taken in by some friendly Indians.
While its been trailed as mocking the Old West for being a truly detestable place to live, this is in many ways its own love letter to the genre of Western films. The piece as a whole looks beautiful, and has cinematography very well in keeping with the world of a Western movie. A Western-aping soundtrack is also very nicely set to the piece.
But at almost 2 hours, it is at least half an hour too long, and feels like it stretches things a bit thin at times. MacFarlane's previous comedy project Ted may only have been 15 minutes shorter, but was a leaner piece with evolution in the style and strategy.
This, by contrast, has a fairly basic plot on which hangs a range of hit-and-miss jokes, while some characters impress more than others.
In short, it is like watching a live-action Family Guy set in 1882 Arizona. There's even a cameo role for Alex Borstein - better known as Lois Griffin - and the odd pop culture reference too.
The frustrating element is that there was much promise, ranging from its cast and pedigree to its beautiful setting. But while the films look was certainly up to scratch, it would've been better if the jokes were consistently up to scratch.
2.75/5
Having already been a cartoonist, voiceover artist, director, writer, producer and voice actor in his own animated movie, it appears the live-action star in his own movie - his acting debut, no less - was his next step to attempting some kind of beserk cultural domination. He even released a novel version of this movie two months ago.
Reportedly, he may not have engaged in this move, with Paul Rudd apparently approached over the role before MacFarlane decided to step into the breach himself.
Nevertheless, you would be forgiven for hoping for something special - MacFarlane has created some hilarious comedy moments with his previous TV and film work, there's an impressive looking cast - both on the bill and with cameos - and it looked good in the trailers.
This, however, does have the hallmark of a vanity project. Despite the impressive looking roster, the insane hands-on approach MacFarlane takes to this is absurd, and its safe to say he's found his own inspiration for this in his obsession for Western movies and in his own personal life.
MacFarlane has said in interviews he has been dumped by girls for being too nice. Naturally, inside the opening five minutes, his cowardly sheep farmer character Albert Stark is dumped by his girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried) after skedaddling on the standard Western showdown.
Albert essentially opens as a function to slag off the Western Frontier of America as a place to live, citing dozens upon dozens of reasons to his only friends Edward (Giovanni Ribisi) and his prostitute fiancee Ruth (Sarah Silverman).
Edward and Ruth are Christians withholding sex from one another until marriage, despite Ruth doing everything with everyone around town. Its a mildly amusing gag at first, but despite one or two other moments, it gets old staggeringly quickly.
Repetition becomes a problem - its not enough to have one joke, as it has to be repeated, and given its use in the trailer, its stale quickly.
A lot of the jokes are, naturally, so worn out from the trailer that they fail to resonate so well. There is some withheld stuff that, mercifully, adds something to the table. Particularly amusing is Albert's father George (Christopher Hagen), who is gloriously profane in the classic crochety old man role.
Also working well with a magnificent amount of scenery-chewing, if a little underused, is Louise's new lover Foy (Neil Patrick Harris), and his fabulously ornate moustache. He and Albert do not get on well, with Foy being a particularly devious man - like Patrick Harris' How I Met Your Mother show-stealer Barney Stinson, only somehow even more of an ass.
Considering both Patrick Harris and MacFarlane are renowned for their singing abilities, it feels odd neither gets a change to show off their vocals, with the - admittedly impressive - solo song performed by country singer Amick Byram.
The song in MacFarlane's character's heart is certainly minute, as he struggles to blend in amidst the fights. Bizarrely, though, heart-tugging rom-coms seem to be the aim for his character's arc when Anna (Charlize Theron) strolls into town.
She is married to infamous outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), but naturally keeps it a secret long enough for Albert to fall in love with her.
In truth, the rom-com aspect is extremely basic, although MacFarlane does seem like he has the potential for such work. His acting beyond classic voice work does need work, but there is some promise lurking there.
He does, however, at time reminds you of Brian Griffin in a bolo tie and Stetson. In truth, its kind of a curse MacFarlane and his co-writers in Family Guy have been involved, as it reminds a lot of one of the recent lackluster recent works put out by the Fox animated staple.
That's not to say everything fails to hit the mark. There are amusing lines dotted hither and thither, some provoke a smirk and there are one or two guffaws. Some amusing lines drop in and out, and there is an amusing cameo from American talk show host Bill Maher. But there is also a heavy reliance of sex, race and scatological jokes, and while some are amusing, and there is one jaw-droppingly offensive joke later somehow made even more weird with a late cameo for Django (Jamie Foxx)
There's also a bizarre on-drugs sequence near the end when Albert is taken in by some friendly Indians.
While its been trailed as mocking the Old West for being a truly detestable place to live, this is in many ways its own love letter to the genre of Western films. The piece as a whole looks beautiful, and has cinematography very well in keeping with the world of a Western movie. A Western-aping soundtrack is also very nicely set to the piece.
But at almost 2 hours, it is at least half an hour too long, and feels like it stretches things a bit thin at times. MacFarlane's previous comedy project Ted may only have been 15 minutes shorter, but was a leaner piece with evolution in the style and strategy.
This, by contrast, has a fairly basic plot on which hangs a range of hit-and-miss jokes, while some characters impress more than others.
In short, it is like watching a live-action Family Guy set in 1882 Arizona. There's even a cameo role for Alex Borstein - better known as Lois Griffin - and the odd pop culture reference too.
The frustrating element is that there was much promise, ranging from its cast and pedigree to its beautiful setting. But while the films look was certainly up to scratch, it would've been better if the jokes were consistently up to scratch.
2.75/5
Friday, 30 May 2014
Edge of Tomorrow - Film Review
The filmography of Tom Cruise has provided many visions of the future.
The gorgeous looking bleakness of Oblivion, the saturated dystopic nightmares of Minority Report, the enormous War of the Worlds invasion remake and Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol's invasive run around the world have each provided futures with a wide variety of bleakness.
Here, Cruise is once again creating a future world scape and this bleak apocalypse world is not a pretty future for us.
The film opens with the standard opening of a blitz of news television broadcasts, which in this context, documents the landing of a meteor just outside Hamburg in Germany, from which an alien race called the Mimics appeared and quickly colonised continental Europe.
But after victory in Verdun, the humans are slowly fighting back, and now a planned UK/USA invasion is in the works, with Major William Cage (Cruise) plugging the war silly on BBC and CNN.
Unfortunately for him, his life as army PR is undone when he is drafted up for the invasion of France, and his first ever experience in one of his much argued supersoldier machines is in the first wave.
Sweating buckets, the unnerved Cage is reluctantly transported to an army base at Heathrow Airport, and shoved into action. But the invasion is a total botch job, and Cage is killed in action.
Except then he wakes up again, back on a pile of suitcases at Heathrow and introduced to the same army Sergeant Farrell (Bill Paxton) with the same introduction to his army squad.
He's sent back to the invasion, dies again, and then wakes up again, and then it happens again.
There are different ways to he dies, but it continues, thanks to an intriguing, if a little standard, fact that he has wound up in the system of a hive-mind organism. This is fairly Matrix-like in its plot, not least given the Mimics have a metallic eight-legged look similar in a way to the machines in the Matrix movies.
This is not a full-on Matrix-meets-Groundhog Day clone, given it lacks the humour of the latter. Granted, there are a few wry quips dotted hither and thither throughout the flick, but it's not a comedy movie.
Along the way, the hapless Cage is introduced to and teams up with legendary soldier Rita Vrataski (Emily Blunt), where he finds out her inspiration to the victory in Verdun was down to the exact same time loop that he has become stuck within.
As well as learning from her and the classic know-it-all disgraced scientist, he begins to up his skill level in tackling the dreaded Mimics, while finding out the way he can take them down.
But after collating skills in scenes that increasingly resemble non-playable video games - in a good way, rather than the likes of the Need for Speed movie - it turns into an impressively intimate piece at times, where we have just Cage and Rita cruising through the abandoned French countryside.
It's a nice, if underplayed, atmospheric, similar to a horror movie and complete with similar scary stuff lurking, as well as Cage's oddly-played dynamic in having essentially played this game dozens of times to this point, and coming up with the same ending he wishes he did not forsee.
The aesthetic is certainly dirtier than last year's Oblivion, such as the ugly - if effective - supersoldier armour and the abandoned French countryside, although Cruise's teeth remain as neon-white as ever.
Cruise is also delightful in this role. For once, he is not in a master of the universe role and instead does seem to be well-calibrated for the role of someone who has reluctantly and accidentally wound up knowing the secret, while the equally impressive Blunt pushes him further and further towards being that saviour.
It helps the roles are surprisingly well-written. This could have gone for the way of being an endless grind, as playing a video game for hours and hours can be, and it could have taken some of the goofiness out of the premise, but instead, there's almost a neat and tranquil attitude, which sees us also toy with ideas beyond the initial spectrum.
This is not a flawless piece. It is a fair criticism that the film is not an original piece, with pieces incorporated from all over the place in the sci-fi spectrum, and even having the air of a World War 2 piece.
Also weak is the ending to the film. The anticipated final showdown is superbly handled, but after that, the final 2 scenes is the film's first major mis-step in pacing. One can't help but feel they needed more elaboration.
This mis-step aside, there is much to admire with this movie. It may not be the most original piece of film making or writing, but it plays everything well, and it does well to keep up a vision that works nicely, making it possibly one of Cruise's best works in a long while.
4/5
The gorgeous looking bleakness of Oblivion, the saturated dystopic nightmares of Minority Report, the enormous War of the Worlds invasion remake and Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol's invasive run around the world have each provided futures with a wide variety of bleakness.
Here, Cruise is once again creating a future world scape and this bleak apocalypse world is not a pretty future for us.
The film opens with the standard opening of a blitz of news television broadcasts, which in this context, documents the landing of a meteor just outside Hamburg in Germany, from which an alien race called the Mimics appeared and quickly colonised continental Europe.
But after victory in Verdun, the humans are slowly fighting back, and now a planned UK/USA invasion is in the works, with Major William Cage (Cruise) plugging the war silly on BBC and CNN.
Unfortunately for him, his life as army PR is undone when he is drafted up for the invasion of France, and his first ever experience in one of his much argued supersoldier machines is in the first wave.
Sweating buckets, the unnerved Cage is reluctantly transported to an army base at Heathrow Airport, and shoved into action. But the invasion is a total botch job, and Cage is killed in action.
Except then he wakes up again, back on a pile of suitcases at Heathrow and introduced to the same army Sergeant Farrell (Bill Paxton) with the same introduction to his army squad.
He's sent back to the invasion, dies again, and then wakes up again, and then it happens again.
There are different ways to he dies, but it continues, thanks to an intriguing, if a little standard, fact that he has wound up in the system of a hive-mind organism. This is fairly Matrix-like in its plot, not least given the Mimics have a metallic eight-legged look similar in a way to the machines in the Matrix movies.
This is not a full-on Matrix-meets-Groundhog Day clone, given it lacks the humour of the latter. Granted, there are a few wry quips dotted hither and thither throughout the flick, but it's not a comedy movie.
Along the way, the hapless Cage is introduced to and teams up with legendary soldier Rita Vrataski (Emily Blunt), where he finds out her inspiration to the victory in Verdun was down to the exact same time loop that he has become stuck within.
As well as learning from her and the classic know-it-all disgraced scientist, he begins to up his skill level in tackling the dreaded Mimics, while finding out the way he can take them down.
But after collating skills in scenes that increasingly resemble non-playable video games - in a good way, rather than the likes of the Need for Speed movie - it turns into an impressively intimate piece at times, where we have just Cage and Rita cruising through the abandoned French countryside.
It's a nice, if underplayed, atmospheric, similar to a horror movie and complete with similar scary stuff lurking, as well as Cage's oddly-played dynamic in having essentially played this game dozens of times to this point, and coming up with the same ending he wishes he did not forsee.
The aesthetic is certainly dirtier than last year's Oblivion, such as the ugly - if effective - supersoldier armour and the abandoned French countryside, although Cruise's teeth remain as neon-white as ever.
Cruise is also delightful in this role. For once, he is not in a master of the universe role and instead does seem to be well-calibrated for the role of someone who has reluctantly and accidentally wound up knowing the secret, while the equally impressive Blunt pushes him further and further towards being that saviour.
It helps the roles are surprisingly well-written. This could have gone for the way of being an endless grind, as playing a video game for hours and hours can be, and it could have taken some of the goofiness out of the premise, but instead, there's almost a neat and tranquil attitude, which sees us also toy with ideas beyond the initial spectrum.
This is not a flawless piece. It is a fair criticism that the film is not an original piece, with pieces incorporated from all over the place in the sci-fi spectrum, and even having the air of a World War 2 piece.
Also weak is the ending to the film. The anticipated final showdown is superbly handled, but after that, the final 2 scenes is the film's first major mis-step in pacing. One can't help but feel they needed more elaboration.
This mis-step aside, there is much to admire with this movie. It may not be the most original piece of film making or writing, but it plays everything well, and it does well to keep up a vision that works nicely, making it possibly one of Cruise's best works in a long while.
4/5
Wednesday, 28 May 2014
Godzila - Film Review
Can film makers ever be satisfied by blowing up dozens of major cities and their respective landmarks?
2013 was a year dominated by the trashing of several major cities by Superman, kaiju, interstellar aliens from a variety of locations, a biblical catastrophe interrupting James Franco's party, a mix of pub crawls and blank surrogates, Iron Man, Thor and more.
2014 has continued with yet more destruction, albeit not as much as last year, and now it seems like the big-daddy of destroying cities is making his reappearance.
Godzilla's last film appearance came in a flat 1998 remix that was more memorable for its soundtrack - including a Rage Against the Machine song that slagged off Godzilla - than its poorly realised monsters and dull characters.
While the Japanese have put out a Godzilla film in 2004 in the meantime, this is the latest attempt of Hollywood to bring this monster to life.
Fittingly for the 60th anniversary of film's most high-profile city-eating radioactive lizard, it appears recent events have served as an uncomfortable sheen for the film.
To an extent, all disaster movies since 9/11 have felt uncomfortable by virtue of association with what was a real-life horror story, and the same goes for the military incompetence that usually rings true in these pieces. But equally unsettling is an almost mirror-image of the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant, with added tsunami damage, 24-hour news channel saturation and the post-Hurricane Katrina relief effort thrown in.
This combination kicks off after an impressive opening strand with the look and feel of vintage '50's film to show that in 1954, the US Army's nuclear testing was a cover to kill the lizard.
We jump to 1999, where weird pod things are found in an abandoned mine in the Philippines, while an emergency occurs at a nuclear power station outside of Tokyo.
Some 15 years on, and the power plant's former chief engineer Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) is now living in a standard conspiracy theorist flat in Tokyo, after his wife Sandra (Juliette Binoche) had died in the initial implosion, while his son Ford (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) is now living in San Francisco with his wife Elle (Elizabeth Olsen) and on a break from duties with the US Army.
Ford flies out to Tokyo to bail his crazy dad out after he was caught illegally trespassing in the area around the abandoned nuclear power plant. But sure enough, he tags along with, where the duo surprisingly discovers the air in the abandoned city near the power plant is free of radiation.
This eventually leads to the first sighting of a MUTO - Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism - namely an enormous winged creature, which can launch its own EMP attack on a whim and is equally as adept at destroying things as the film's big lizardy draw.
One weird feeling is that this initial creature and the second MUTO that hatches later on and destroys Las Vegas for its own grand arrival are the real stars, and not the more famous giant lizard. Instead, the lizard's presence feels more like its too entice people through the doors, and it receives much more of a throwaway entrance to proceedings, as well as the fact he almost seems to exist to kick the crap out of the other monsters as much as the cities.
That's not to say the MUTOs or Godzilla himself are problematic, as they are all impressively realised. They feel more authentic looking than the beasts in Pacific Rim and certainly seem to have more going for them than simply colonising the human world.
Not that this depicted human world, like that in Pacific Rim, would be missing characters of note, given more seems to have been put into characterising the monsters than the humans we have to follow around.
After dispensing with Cranston in the first half an hour despite his performance being the best of those during his time on screen, the film is primarily carried by a flat standard soldier type performance from Taylor-Johnson and by Ken Watanabe, who plays the standard scientist with all the answers and helpfully surrounded by a flock of stereotypical army and science people unwilling to question his ideas.
There isn't even someone chewing the scenery to such a magnificent extent as Idris Elba did in Pacific Rim, with most of it going down the Nolan Batman route of a super-serious thing - not something particularly easy to muster when you have a 300ft tall monster levelling cities as part of his battle against two snuggling monsters that live on a diet of nuclear weapons and atomic waste.
It even reaches the unusual step where the army is not only tolerating but accompanying Godzilla, following him from a battle in Honolulu with one of the MUTOs all the way to San Francisco, where the MUTOs are planning on mating and Godzilla is hopeful of smashing them to pieces.
San Francisco is also the site of the majority of this movie's "what famous landmarks can we trash?" portion, barring all-to-brief levellings of Honolulu - replete with an uncomfortable tsunami sequence - and Vegas, which is largely shown through army TV monitors. Predictably, the Golden Gate Bridge is the first thing that is dispensed with, although played very well through the eyes of a school bus trying to evacuate the city.
After that, its fair game, and skyscraper after skyscraper is duly sent tumbling to the floor. There's also time for an astonishingly realised army jump into the city to recover a nuke about to detonate, and this final sequence does feel like its making up for time lost to the saggy middle.
But with so many real world problems as inspiration - several 9/11-style attacks, Fukushima, military incompetence, the stadiums full of the missing people after Hurricane Katrina, various tsunamis - it starts to reflect a depressingly exaggerated news cycle, which is not helped by the presence of TV stations throughout depicting constant doom.
At the very least, its grit certainly helps it top the pathetic 1998 version, which was bogged down by bad acting, writing, monsters and its bafflingly stupid baby Zillas plot at the end. But it is not a legendary piece, given it wants us to focus on under-written humans as much as it does the monsters, and it gets bogged down in an uncomfortably real canvas of cataclysmic reality.
That's not to say there is nothing to admire here, but it needed a lot more work. Still, as this is the first in a proposed trilogy, those who enjoy watching the endless destruction of cities by enormous lizard monsters will get a further chance to engage in this filmic pursuit no time soon.
3/5
2013 was a year dominated by the trashing of several major cities by Superman, kaiju, interstellar aliens from a variety of locations, a biblical catastrophe interrupting James Franco's party, a mix of pub crawls and blank surrogates, Iron Man, Thor and more.
2014 has continued with yet more destruction, albeit not as much as last year, and now it seems like the big-daddy of destroying cities is making his reappearance.
Godzilla's last film appearance came in a flat 1998 remix that was more memorable for its soundtrack - including a Rage Against the Machine song that slagged off Godzilla - than its poorly realised monsters and dull characters.
While the Japanese have put out a Godzilla film in 2004 in the meantime, this is the latest attempt of Hollywood to bring this monster to life.
Fittingly for the 60th anniversary of film's most high-profile city-eating radioactive lizard, it appears recent events have served as an uncomfortable sheen for the film.
To an extent, all disaster movies since 9/11 have felt uncomfortable by virtue of association with what was a real-life horror story, and the same goes for the military incompetence that usually rings true in these pieces. But equally unsettling is an almost mirror-image of the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant, with added tsunami damage, 24-hour news channel saturation and the post-Hurricane Katrina relief effort thrown in.
This combination kicks off after an impressive opening strand with the look and feel of vintage '50's film to show that in 1954, the US Army's nuclear testing was a cover to kill the lizard.
We jump to 1999, where weird pod things are found in an abandoned mine in the Philippines, while an emergency occurs at a nuclear power station outside of Tokyo.
Some 15 years on, and the power plant's former chief engineer Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) is now living in a standard conspiracy theorist flat in Tokyo, after his wife Sandra (Juliette Binoche) had died in the initial implosion, while his son Ford (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) is now living in San Francisco with his wife Elle (Elizabeth Olsen) and on a break from duties with the US Army.
Ford flies out to Tokyo to bail his crazy dad out after he was caught illegally trespassing in the area around the abandoned nuclear power plant. But sure enough, he tags along with, where the duo surprisingly discovers the air in the abandoned city near the power plant is free of radiation.
This eventually leads to the first sighting of a MUTO - Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism - namely an enormous winged creature, which can launch its own EMP attack on a whim and is equally as adept at destroying things as the film's big lizardy draw.
One weird feeling is that this initial creature and the second MUTO that hatches later on and destroys Las Vegas for its own grand arrival are the real stars, and not the more famous giant lizard. Instead, the lizard's presence feels more like its too entice people through the doors, and it receives much more of a throwaway entrance to proceedings, as well as the fact he almost seems to exist to kick the crap out of the other monsters as much as the cities.
That's not to say the MUTOs or Godzilla himself are problematic, as they are all impressively realised. They feel more authentic looking than the beasts in Pacific Rim and certainly seem to have more going for them than simply colonising the human world.
Not that this depicted human world, like that in Pacific Rim, would be missing characters of note, given more seems to have been put into characterising the monsters than the humans we have to follow around.
After dispensing with Cranston in the first half an hour despite his performance being the best of those during his time on screen, the film is primarily carried by a flat standard soldier type performance from Taylor-Johnson and by Ken Watanabe, who plays the standard scientist with all the answers and helpfully surrounded by a flock of stereotypical army and science people unwilling to question his ideas.
There isn't even someone chewing the scenery to such a magnificent extent as Idris Elba did in Pacific Rim, with most of it going down the Nolan Batman route of a super-serious thing - not something particularly easy to muster when you have a 300ft tall monster levelling cities as part of his battle against two snuggling monsters that live on a diet of nuclear weapons and atomic waste.
It even reaches the unusual step where the army is not only tolerating but accompanying Godzilla, following him from a battle in Honolulu with one of the MUTOs all the way to San Francisco, where the MUTOs are planning on mating and Godzilla is hopeful of smashing them to pieces.
San Francisco is also the site of the majority of this movie's "what famous landmarks can we trash?" portion, barring all-to-brief levellings of Honolulu - replete with an uncomfortable tsunami sequence - and Vegas, which is largely shown through army TV monitors. Predictably, the Golden Gate Bridge is the first thing that is dispensed with, although played very well through the eyes of a school bus trying to evacuate the city.
After that, its fair game, and skyscraper after skyscraper is duly sent tumbling to the floor. There's also time for an astonishingly realised army jump into the city to recover a nuke about to detonate, and this final sequence does feel like its making up for time lost to the saggy middle.
But with so many real world problems as inspiration - several 9/11-style attacks, Fukushima, military incompetence, the stadiums full of the missing people after Hurricane Katrina, various tsunamis - it starts to reflect a depressingly exaggerated news cycle, which is not helped by the presence of TV stations throughout depicting constant doom.
At the very least, its grit certainly helps it top the pathetic 1998 version, which was bogged down by bad acting, writing, monsters and its bafflingly stupid baby Zillas plot at the end. But it is not a legendary piece, given it wants us to focus on under-written humans as much as it does the monsters, and it gets bogged down in an uncomfortably real canvas of cataclysmic reality.
That's not to say there is nothing to admire here, but it needed a lot more work. Still, as this is the first in a proposed trilogy, those who enjoy watching the endless destruction of cities by enormous lizard monsters will get a further chance to engage in this filmic pursuit no time soon.
3/5
Friday, 23 May 2014
Arctic Monkeys at Finsbury Park - Live Review
If you believe the like of NME, this is the current generation's Very Big Rock Show. Equivalent, perhaps, to Oasis at Knebworth in 1996, The Stone Roses at Spike Island in 1990, or The Rolling Stones at Hyde Park in 1969.
At a more modern glance, its a big band returning back to the big summer outdoor spectacular. It's easy to forget Arctic Monkeys have been here before, given they did two nights at Manchester's Old Trafford cricket stadium on the 2007 tour for Favourite Worst Nightmare, and two shows at a custom-built tent in Sheffield on the 2011 Suck it and See Tour.
This is also the first time Arctic Monkeys have done a big outdoor London show, after many previous visits for arena tours, and it probably won't be the last - one might argue they could be big enough to put on a Wembley Stadium residency like Eminem and One Direction are doing this summer.
As well as being the band's initials, AM was also the catalyst for this big pair of concerts, which is part of a bigger tour that later takes in a Reading and Leeds Festivals headline appearance in August. The band's 5th album was a number one success on release last September and its tracks draw the big reactions straight from the first electronic snare of show opener Do I Wanna Know.
This opens the show in an impressive way, as the black wall the audience was starting at spins around to reveal the quartet (upped to five with a live keyboard player) thrashing away on the anthem, which made it's radio debut exactly 365 days previously.
AM seems to be the big draw. After that opening singalong, the band rattle through the spindly Snap Out of It and the big and sexy Arabella - replete with a sample of Black Sabbath's War Pigs - and all 3 of them are greeted by the 40,000 crowd with roars of approval and swell of bouncing in the pit.
The raucous nature of the audience is clearly evident in the lager (and piss) lobbing crowd that is enjoying bouncing high into the sky, and this crowd seems to get it's moments to do so with the likes of the rowdy Brianstorm, the brute force of Don't Sit Down Cause I've Moved Your Chair, the spindly-but-hefty Dancing Shoes and the pick n mix-comedown rocker Crying Lightning.
The strengths of the band are all on show in this myriad of ditties, ranging from drummer Matt Helders' titanic drum riffs - particularly on Brianstorm and the clattering intro to Library Pictures - to the stern buzzy bees seeping out of Nick O'Malley's bass guitar, and the duo's impressive falsetto vocals to compliment the frontman's baritone.
The immediate vision on stage is not frontman Alex Turner but is instead rhythm guitarist Jamie Cook, who is decked from head to toe in a neon white suit. By contrast, the singer and fangirls affection target Alex Turner has toned down from the Yorkshire Elvis look he took to Glastonbury and Earl's Court last year, preferring a more sober haircut and a black jacket covered in flowers to the suave black suits he wore at those shows.
Much like the acoustics, the AM material has a hit and miss quality at times. Fireside is a beautifully melancholic composition, but the preceding Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High is not what it could be.
Old classic I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor remains a tune with the appeal to inspire a crowd into raucous insanity, even with the reduced tempo. But surprisingly, a lot of the strength of this gig is in the tranquil portion that follows that oldie.
The late-night heartache of No. 1 Party Anthem is a beautifully worked piano and acoustic guitar tune, while Cornerstone is also delightful. This is before the sing-a-long of Fluorescent Adolescent and a surprisingly Kane-less 505 to end the main set.
The big surprise comes at the start of the encore, as Turner strides alone onto the stage for a brief solo run-through of debut album closing track A Certain Romance.
Things then neatly culminate with a trio from AM - the last of which is the delightful R U Mine, with its riffs, addictive sing-a-long choruses and the latest tune to have a laser light show.
While it is a delightful conclusion, for the ticket price and hype, this could and should be much longer than 90 minutes. AM's rock contemporaries like Coldplay, Muse, Kings of Leon, The Killers and Biffy Clyro all play at least 100 minutes in their arena shows, nevermind the 3 hour sets the likes Prince and Bruce Springsteen deliver.
The crowd before them would certainly have welcomed a dip into obscure ditties that have been out of the reckoning for a while, and considering there was a 45 minute interval, the band should've strode on earlier and played at least 3-4 new songs.
It's fine for Arctic Monkeys to move on from their first 2 records - of which only 6 tracks make appearances tonight - but it's conceivable that something older and different to the likes of Dancefloor should've been dug up. It was impressive when tunes like Fake Tales of San Francisco and Old Yellow Bricks were dug out of the cupboard for Glastonbury, and an effort like that would've been very welcome here.
The underwhelming acoustics also do not help, and some songs are hurt by an underwhelming acoustic property that could've been better than it should've been. Admittedly, it was an improvement on Earl's Court, where a failure to hear bass above a faint nondescript rumble left most the songs anonymous. But the sonic touches were not what they could've been.
That's not to deny this was a good show. The production was more impressive than the one deployed at Earl's Court, with the LED rendition of the AM logo providing a delightful visual backdrop, while the laser light show in particular was very impressive, and the band is a tightly-coiled live machine.
The Arctic Monkeys 2014 live machine does deliver a good show. But for all the hype, anticipation, ticket price and the rest, they could and should have used their live arsenal to deliver much much more.
3/5/5
Also playing were three acts that AM have been known fans of, and are also themselves gearing up for a busy summer on the festival circuit.
Headline support was Australian five-piece Tame Impala, who bought their abstract psychedelic rock to proceedings. But in the big park vibe, something was lost amongst the rarefied North London air, with their performance - not helped by singer Kevin Parker's flu - suffering the most from the acoustics. In truth, it takes a final trio of Elephant, Feels Like We Only Go Backwards and closer Apocalypse Dreams to wake up a sleepy crowd.
Long time Monkeys' collaborator and friend of the band Miles Kane is much more adept at getting the crowd in motion. He maybe missing his best song First of My Kind, but the crowd laps up his anthemic squawks, and inspires the first major frenzy of the day. A scintillating medley of Give Up and The Rolling Stones classic Sympathy for the Devil is a particular highlight.
Opening up the day's musical festivities were Brighton duo Royal Blood, who received nationwide exposure when Monkeys drummer Helders wore an RB t-shirt on stage at Glastonbury last year. The band's mix of hefty bass guitar and walloping drums is much better indoors but on a stage like this, it does do a good job of holding it's own, and it is a major pleasure to hear the likes of Little Monster and Out of the Black stomping across the park and getting the odd mosher to join in.
At a more modern glance, its a big band returning back to the big summer outdoor spectacular. It's easy to forget Arctic Monkeys have been here before, given they did two nights at Manchester's Old Trafford cricket stadium on the 2007 tour for Favourite Worst Nightmare, and two shows at a custom-built tent in Sheffield on the 2011 Suck it and See Tour.
This is also the first time Arctic Monkeys have done a big outdoor London show, after many previous visits for arena tours, and it probably won't be the last - one might argue they could be big enough to put on a Wembley Stadium residency like Eminem and One Direction are doing this summer.
As well as being the band's initials, AM was also the catalyst for this big pair of concerts, which is part of a bigger tour that later takes in a Reading and Leeds Festivals headline appearance in August. The band's 5th album was a number one success on release last September and its tracks draw the big reactions straight from the first electronic snare of show opener Do I Wanna Know.
This opens the show in an impressive way, as the black wall the audience was starting at spins around to reveal the quartet (upped to five with a live keyboard player) thrashing away on the anthem, which made it's radio debut exactly 365 days previously.
AM seems to be the big draw. After that opening singalong, the band rattle through the spindly Snap Out of It and the big and sexy Arabella - replete with a sample of Black Sabbath's War Pigs - and all 3 of them are greeted by the 40,000 crowd with roars of approval and swell of bouncing in the pit.
The raucous nature of the audience is clearly evident in the lager (and piss) lobbing crowd that is enjoying bouncing high into the sky, and this crowd seems to get it's moments to do so with the likes of the rowdy Brianstorm, the brute force of Don't Sit Down Cause I've Moved Your Chair, the spindly-but-hefty Dancing Shoes and the pick n mix-comedown rocker Crying Lightning.
The strengths of the band are all on show in this myriad of ditties, ranging from drummer Matt Helders' titanic drum riffs - particularly on Brianstorm and the clattering intro to Library Pictures - to the stern buzzy bees seeping out of Nick O'Malley's bass guitar, and the duo's impressive falsetto vocals to compliment the frontman's baritone.
The immediate vision on stage is not frontman Alex Turner but is instead rhythm guitarist Jamie Cook, who is decked from head to toe in a neon white suit. By contrast, the singer and fangirls affection target Alex Turner has toned down from the Yorkshire Elvis look he took to Glastonbury and Earl's Court last year, preferring a more sober haircut and a black jacket covered in flowers to the suave black suits he wore at those shows.
Much like the acoustics, the AM material has a hit and miss quality at times. Fireside is a beautifully melancholic composition, but the preceding Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High is not what it could be.
Old classic I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor remains a tune with the appeal to inspire a crowd into raucous insanity, even with the reduced tempo. But surprisingly, a lot of the strength of this gig is in the tranquil portion that follows that oldie.
The late-night heartache of No. 1 Party Anthem is a beautifully worked piano and acoustic guitar tune, while Cornerstone is also delightful. This is before the sing-a-long of Fluorescent Adolescent and a surprisingly Kane-less 505 to end the main set.
The big surprise comes at the start of the encore, as Turner strides alone onto the stage for a brief solo run-through of debut album closing track A Certain Romance.
Things then neatly culminate with a trio from AM - the last of which is the delightful R U Mine, with its riffs, addictive sing-a-long choruses and the latest tune to have a laser light show.
While it is a delightful conclusion, for the ticket price and hype, this could and should be much longer than 90 minutes. AM's rock contemporaries like Coldplay, Muse, Kings of Leon, The Killers and Biffy Clyro all play at least 100 minutes in their arena shows, nevermind the 3 hour sets the likes Prince and Bruce Springsteen deliver.
The crowd before them would certainly have welcomed a dip into obscure ditties that have been out of the reckoning for a while, and considering there was a 45 minute interval, the band should've strode on earlier and played at least 3-4 new songs.
It's fine for Arctic Monkeys to move on from their first 2 records - of which only 6 tracks make appearances tonight - but it's conceivable that something older and different to the likes of Dancefloor should've been dug up. It was impressive when tunes like Fake Tales of San Francisco and Old Yellow Bricks were dug out of the cupboard for Glastonbury, and an effort like that would've been very welcome here.
The underwhelming acoustics also do not help, and some songs are hurt by an underwhelming acoustic property that could've been better than it should've been. Admittedly, it was an improvement on Earl's Court, where a failure to hear bass above a faint nondescript rumble left most the songs anonymous. But the sonic touches were not what they could've been.
That's not to deny this was a good show. The production was more impressive than the one deployed at Earl's Court, with the LED rendition of the AM logo providing a delightful visual backdrop, while the laser light show in particular was very impressive, and the band is a tightly-coiled live machine.
The Arctic Monkeys 2014 live machine does deliver a good show. But for all the hype, anticipation, ticket price and the rest, they could and should have used their live arsenal to deliver much much more.
3/5/5
Also playing were three acts that AM have been known fans of, and are also themselves gearing up for a busy summer on the festival circuit.
Headline support was Australian five-piece Tame Impala, who bought their abstract psychedelic rock to proceedings. But in the big park vibe, something was lost amongst the rarefied North London air, with their performance - not helped by singer Kevin Parker's flu - suffering the most from the acoustics. In truth, it takes a final trio of Elephant, Feels Like We Only Go Backwards and closer Apocalypse Dreams to wake up a sleepy crowd.
Long time Monkeys' collaborator and friend of the band Miles Kane is much more adept at getting the crowd in motion. He maybe missing his best song First of My Kind, but the crowd laps up his anthemic squawks, and inspires the first major frenzy of the day. A scintillating medley of Give Up and The Rolling Stones classic Sympathy for the Devil is a particular highlight.
Opening up the day's musical festivities were Brighton duo Royal Blood, who received nationwide exposure when Monkeys drummer Helders wore an RB t-shirt on stage at Glastonbury last year. The band's mix of hefty bass guitar and walloping drums is much better indoors but on a stage like this, it does do a good job of holding it's own, and it is a major pleasure to hear the likes of Little Monster and Out of the Black stomping across the park and getting the odd mosher to join in.
Sunday, 11 May 2014
Premier League 2013-14 Season Review
Yet another season of Premier League football has come raring to a conclusion, and this one has been a fair contender for one of the league's best ever seasons. The 2013-14 season including the closest ever title race, with four teams in the mix by March, and another fascinating battle at the basement.
A variety of football of excellent and shambolic natures thrilled audiences across the nation over the past year and every team has their own story to tell.
As we await to see which one of Derby, QPR and Wigan will join Leicester City and Burnley in rising to the top tier next season, and the little matter of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil later this summer, its time to reflect on the season and what it meant for the teams involved.
Manchester City
Final Position: 1st (Premier League champions 2013-14)
Can they be happy with their season?: They did in the end. For the first 2/3rds of the season, City blew teams away in an attacking hurricane, with goals coming from seemingly everywhere. Then the train began falling off the rails, as the goals began to dried up and City's performances suffered accordingly. What looked like a history-setting quadruple soon became just a Capital One Cup, while all momentum was lost. But then results flew their way and the high-scoring Citizens soon poked ahead in one of the tightest Premier League races ever when it really counted.
Star Players: Yaya Toure was once again a powerful beast tearing up the middle of the park. Sergio Aguero and Alvaro Negredo were explosive in the first half of the campaign, but injuries affected the former and the latter lost his scoring touch. Edin Dzeko did do well at the end as well to keep up the goals, while summer signing Fernandinho was also very impressive.
Need To Improve: Stefan Jovetic had an injury hit campaign and looks like he still needs time to adjust to English football as a result. Micah Richards and Joleon Lescott seem to have fallen out of favour for good, while Martin Demichelis was unconvincing for a while, although he was significantly better as the season progressed.
Best Moments: Some of City's early season attacking was a joy to behold. Their heavy leatherings of Manchester United and Arsenal proved big games don't require attacking restraint, while maulings of Norwich and Fulham included some astonishing goals.
What's Next?: Not blowing the championship so easily like they did in 2012-13 is a primary must. Equally important will be finally making progress in the UEFA Champions League.
Liverpool
Final Position: 2nd
Can they be happy with their season?: Yes and no. Liverpool's changing expectation were interesting. Initially the club would have been happy with a return to the Champions League, and for most of the season, they were on course for this. But when the business end arrived, the team tore up the Premier League with one of the division's longest ever winning streaks and it looked like the title wait was about to end. Then came Steven Gerrard's slip against Chelsea, and throwing away a 3 goal advantage at Crystal Palace. So they surpassed their initial expectation, but agonisingly failed to win the big prize.
Star Players: Luis Suarez may have started the campaign on the sidelines for cannibalism-related transgressions and had episodes of no form and injury. But a 30-goal+ league season is proof he is among the top players in the world - a position strengthened by some spectacular strikes he notched up.
Need To Improve: Part of the reason this season has been exciting is that so many teams have lost interest in the concept of defending, and Liverpool proved no exception. Quite often, their defence was lamentable, be it frequent Kolo Toure errors, Martin Skrtel using wrestling to stop opponents and Glen Johnson and Jose Enrique helping the Liverpool cause more when they were out of the team.
Best Moments: At the start of the season it looked like the outlandish Luis Suarez goalscoring spree was the highlights, as the Uruguayan scored some amazing goals. But then came some superb displays, such as the systematic destruction of Manchester United at Old Trafford and an emotionally-charged victory over Manchester City in a sensational game at Anfield.
What's Next?: The team needs to secure its defenders up if its to challenge for another title, or solidify a top 4 slot.
Chelsea
Final Position: 3rd
Can they be happy with their season?: It's tricky to know. Chelsea fans both seemed to expect and not to expect to win the league, and ultimately they came so close to it. They were so good against their rivals, picking up 16 points against the rest of the top 4. They were less adept against the other teams, and dropped points against the likes of West Brom, Norwich, Stoke, Newcastle, Sunderland and Crystal Palace were problematic.
Star Players: Eden Hazard has taken the creator role Mourinho stripped from Juan Mata with aplomb. The Belgian has scored some good goals and also had a fluid understanding with his attacking colleagues.
Need To Improve: Chelsea's forward line was once again found wanting. Fernando Torres was once again hopeless, Demba Ba struggled to get into the line-up and Samuel Eto'o did at least score a double-digit number of goals, but was a hopeless passenger away. A lack of a regularly scoring striker probably cost Chelsea the chance of winning trophies.
Best Moments: Chelsea's football earned criticism for its failure to entertain, but their form in the big games was superb. They were effortless in being the first team to sink Manchester City at the Etihad and were superb in sinking Liverpool with a largely B-team.
What's Next?: This was a season of transition and it seems likely Roman Abramovich is not going to dispense with Mourinho after a trophyless season, which is something the likes of Carlo Ancelotti and Avram Grant can only look at with envious eyes.
Arsenal
Final Position: 4th
Can they be happy with their season?: Its a tricky one to know. If the Gunners faithful had started the season knowing they would end it in the top 4 and with a very winnable FA Cup Final, they would probably have taken that. But for most of the season, Arsenal had been in the title race, and even led the way for 128 days, only for catastrophic pastings away at Man City, Liverpool and Chelsea to knock them from their stride, and a further pasting at Everton to put their top 4 place in jeopardy. So although they got the minimum goal, it would have been painful to come so close to something greater.
Star Players: Aaron Ramsey had spent most of last season as the fans' favourite scapegoat, so his turn as key cog and main goalscorer was unexpected. It says a lot Arsenal's worst form came with his injury struggles. Olivier Giroud also impressed, and there is hints he could finally be a 20-a-year goalscorer, although the lack of back-up is a problem.
Need To Improve: For a club-record £42million, big things were expected of Mesut Ozil. To a degree, he did produce, but Arsenal fans felt disappointed with him at times, although his late season form shows he is beginning to adjust. Santi Cazorla was also underwhelming after a good first campaign in England.
Best Moments: Most of the first half of the season will live sweeter, as a team that nobody gave a hope of the title led the way. They also scored some immaculate goals that will delight the football purists.
What's Next?: Having proven they can keep themselves in a title race, the task that must now be attempted and has previously proved elusive is actually making sure they can last the distance.
Everton
Final Position: 5th
Can they be happy with their season?: They can be, but can also dream of how it could've been more. Nobody believed Everton could, as hoped for challenge for Champions League, but Roberto Martinez hit the ground running. In the end, top 4 proved beyond them, but they did certainly do very well to come close to it. Finishing above old manager David Moyes and his Manchester United misfits will also prove to be exceedingly sweet satisfaction for the Toffees crowd.
Star Players: Romelu Lukaku had proved to be good out on loan at West Brom the previous year, but this impressive stint was further proof of his striking abilities. Full-back Seamus Coleman was also a key cog, while a midfield trio of James McCarthy, Gareth Barry and the outstanding Ross Barkley was a superb fluid centre to the Everton side.
Need To Improve: The majority of players have been very good for the Toffees, although there were some mild quibbles from the odd time to time. Arouna Kone sticks out as poor due to him spending most of the campaign injured after a £6milion move.
Best Moments: Everton fans stung by ex-manager Moyes' defection will be very pleased by a home and away double over their former leader, including a first win at Old Trafford since the 1990's. A superb 3-0 demolition of Arsenal was also fantastic and momentarily seemed to indicate their top 4 assault would be total.
What's Next?: Retaining the loan stars will be a challenge, but not an impossible. The aspiration is to try and make top 4, and with the right signings, maybe they will.
Tottenham Hotspur
Final Position: 6th
Can they be happy with their season?: Not really. One pundit had said that replacing world record transfer Gareth Bale with £120million worth of talent was "like replacing Elvis with The Beatles." In reality, they sold Elvis and got Scouting for Girls. The haphazard approach to signings led to poor performances that claimed Andre Villas-Boas and will most likely also claim Tim Sherwood, and points to yet more distinctly absurd behaviour in this corner of North London.
Star Players: Christian Eriksen has proven to be a very nifty acquisition, and his eye from a dead-ball is also magnificent. Since returning from an AVB-imposed exile, Emmanuel Adebayor has also been a very prolific presence, while at the other end, Hugo Lloris was an expert goalkeeper and without him, Spurs would have been come nowhere near 60-odd points.
Need To Improve: Big things were expected of Roberto Soldado and its safe to say big things were not delivered. While he may have been frequently out of position and not helped by awful service, at some stage, it's safe to say it looked like things would never work. Club record-signing Erik Lamela was also a crushing disappointment, although spending the entire second half of the season knacked didn't help.
Best Moments: Most of Spurs' good encounters were Europa League matches, but aside from a brief run at the top 4, Spurs' league form was largely underwhelming even in victory. A 4-0 mauling of Newcastle was Spurs' biggest win of the campaign and two thrilling 3-2 victories over Southampton were entertaining, but that by and large was about it.
What's Next?: Its almost certain Tim Sherwood will not be around in the Spurs dugout next season, and much change is also likely among the players. After that, Spurs have to settle down or else this "so near" mantra will continue.
Manchester United
Final Position: 7th
Can they be happy with their season?: No. In what is possibly the biggest regressions of champions in England in decades, David Moyes kicked-off the first campaign of the post-Ferguson campaign with a whimper. The racking up of poor milestones was endless - lowest Premier League-era finish and points tally, failure to reach Champions League for the first time since it was one team per nation, beaten twice by Manchester City, Liverpool and Everton, first home defeats in generations to West Brom and Newcastle, first ever home defeat to Swansea... it feels almost churlish to carry on. Not even Ryan Giggs could stop the rot as a temporary manager.
Star Players: Wayne Rooney once again was the highlight of the Red Devils, and at times, it felt like he was trying to win games on his own. Youngster Adnan Januzaj also emerged this season, and he will most definitely be a future star for the 20-times champions of England.
Need To Improve: Where to start... the Red Devils were pathetic in almost every department apart from in goal. A ponderous, slow and useless defence allied to a weak centre midfield and, Rooney aside, a poor front line means the players have to share responsibility for the failings. Moyes also struggled, and things have to change under the new manager.
Best Moments: Victory over Olympiakos at Old Trafford to come back and seal Champions League progression was probably the best the Red Devils could conjure, while the 21 seconds they led Bayern Munich in the same competition was also a sweet, if quickly extinguished, moment.
What's Next?: It is almost certain Louis van Gaal will run to Old Trafford as soon as the Netherlands World Cup interest expires. A squad revamp is also likely, with defence and midfield needing extensive renovation. After that, who knows.
Southampton
Final Position: 8th
Can they be happy with their season?: They can, more or less. This is the highest placing Southampton have managed in over 10 years, along with a record points total, and a number of young England talents have dazzled the Premier League. But its also true that their season fizzled out after November, with the team taking 4 months to win as many as they had done in their first 11 games.
Star Players: Skipper Adam Lallana looks set to be in the England squad for this summer's World Cup, and justified his leap into Roy Hodgson's plans with some impressive play-dictating performances. It helped he was able to link up with Jay Rodriguez, who will miss the tournament through injury - much to the detriment of the national squad.
Need To Improve: The big turkey has been Dani Osvaldo, who joined for a record fee, scored 3 goals, had fights with opposition coaches and his own players, and was sent out on loan. But considering he cost £12million, Victor Wanayama has not proved value for money. It speaks volumes that the Saints tend to play better with him out of the squad.
Best Moments: Being one of only two teams to win at Anfield in the Premier League is a very impressive milestone, while some scintillating football - not least in the impressive demolition of Hull in November - did provide their fans with plenty of entertainment.
What's Next?: Keeping onto the manager and their big young talents like Lallana, Rodriguez and Luke Shaw is a must, but the vultures are certainly circling. If they can improve their squad with actually capable additions, then maybe a challenge for Europe via the league is not beyond them.
Stoke City
Final Position: 9th
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely. Stoke's highest Premier League finish and points total was certainly not forecast by main pundits that saw Mark Hughes' arrival as a sign of their doom. But after a stuttery beginning, a superb run of form took Stoke to their highest league placing since rising into the top flight in 2008, as well a highest points total. Considering Mark Hughes was a widely questioned appointment when made last year, he has done very well to assemble a good side and overcome the doubt.
Star Players: Asmir Begovic remains one of the Premier League's best goalkeepers, and is an outlandishly talented man. January signing Peter Odemwingie has also recaptured some of the spark of his early West Brom days in attack, while loanee Ousama Assaidi looks a lively wing presence, and Marko Arnautovic has belied his bad boy reputation to be a lively attacking force.
Need To Improve: Stoke's defensive solidity hasn't been thrown away with the new attacking craft, with their primary issues affecting the Potters occurring with squad players. Jermaine Pennant was underwhelming, while Kenwyne Jones' departure for Cardiff was hardly one to lament - not least given his form in South Wales.
Best Moments: Fine victories over Chelsea and Manchester United will stick around in the memory for generations, but there was some last-season delights for Potters fans. Chief among them was a superb trouncing of Aston Villa, while victory over Fulham was also impressive.
What's Next?: Building on this success. Stoke has a squad with the starting point for top 10 football, and a crisper overall squad will certainly jettison their momentum further skywards.
Newcastle United
Final Position: 10th
Can they be happy with their season?: They can with half of it. Until Christmas, Newcastle were onto a good year, with a first win at Old Trafford in 42 years among the highlights as the club sat within range of the top 4 race. But then the wheels fell off, with the departure of Yohan Cabaye and injuries and suspensions to Loic Remy saw the team lose its attack at the same time the defence begun to concede with embarrassing regularity. While much better than a 16th-placed finish the previous year, 2013-14 will be seen as a missed opportunity to do better.
Star Players: Loic Remy was an impressive menace throughout the season, with many crucial goals and assists. Replacing or perhaps keeping him is a must. Despite his mid-season departure, Cabaye also proved to be a key player, and one that was not adequately replaced.
Need To Improve: Once again, Alan Pardew has arguably cost Newcastle a better placing, with some baffling team and tactical selection. This is before his infamous head-nudge at Hull, and fans are beginning to think he should leave. In terms of players, the majority showed an alarming lack of performance after January, while the likes of Shola Ameobi and Papiss Cisse never really got going in the first place.
Best Moments: A four game winning streak in November was a highlight, with superb victories over Chelsea and Spurs the high points of this purple patch. A first away win at Manchester United since 1972 will also be very fondly remembered.
What's Next?: Avoiding the fall of West Bromwich Albion from drifting in the top 10 to relegation contenders is a must, and to do that, a lot of players have to be acquired. A top 10 finish is certainly progress on 2012-13, but next season already looks like a problem, with the boardroom seemingly blinded to the potential of pratfalls.
Crystal Palace
Final Position: 11th
Can they be happy with their season?: They sure can - even more so after the bleak start. An opening of one win from 8 left Palace rooted to bottom and seemingly nailed on for an instant return. But the decision for Tony Pulis to replace Ian Holloway proved to be a masterstroke, with a tighter defence and superb home form taking them away from danger, which in turn ensures Palace make it to 2 consecutive top flight campaigns for the first time since their 1989-93 stint.
Star Players: Having been cast-off by Southampton, Jason Puncheon proved an unlikely hero, with the journeyman winger scoring many crucial goals to secure safety. At the other end, Julian Speroni had a busy campaign, but was a very sturdy presence and made a number of vital but impressive stops.
Need To Improve: If there's any part that did need improving, Palace's strikeforce is it. Glenn Murray's struggle with injuries meant he took too long to get going, while Cameron Jerome and Marouane Chamakh did provide good work rate and effort in leading the line but need to score more goals.
Best Moments: A five game winning streak that confirmed safety saw Pulis' reputation as producing a team of cloggers belied by some impressive tactical work. A surprise victory over Chelsea and a thumping victory away at Cardiff City were the pick of the bunch, while recovering from 3-0 down to hold Liverpool was also hugely impressive.
What's Next?: Palace have done well to defy the odds and maintain their top flight status, but now the task is on ensuring the place remains theirs. Pulis is certainly the man to assemble a consistent top 10 squad and he is likely to be given a decent budget to do so.
Swansea City
Final Position: 12th
Can they be happy with their season?: For the first time in a long time, cracks seemed to appear in this corner of South Wales and manager Michael Laudrup was eventually claimed by them after a wave of poor form. The appointment of former captain Gary Monk was a gamble, and only three wins to end of the campaign means the jury is out, but he did at least show enough to hint he might grow into management.
Star Players: Wilfried Bony took some time to settle, but his maiden season in England has proved successful. For a struggling team, scoring 20+ goals in all competitions is no mean feat, and he now looks like the kind of quick but physical presence perfect for top-flight line leading.
Need To Improve: After his heroics the year before, Michu had an awful season. No goals after September was an awful return for a player that was so ferocious in his first season in the Premier League.
Best Moments: No Capital One Cup-style run this year for the Swans, but their European adventure did produce some delights. The biggest of them was a scarcely believable demolition of Spanish giants Valencia in Spain - a result that ranks as one of the biggest and most unexpected results of the season.
What's Next?: Avoiding a reprise of a relegation dogfight is a must. Giving Gary Monk the full-time gig - he signed a three year deal last week - does remove the anxiety on manager positions, but this remains a gamble and he has to hit the ground running next season.
West Ham United
Final Position: 13th
Can they be happy with their season?: Despite comfortable survival, not really. There's a sense of an uneasy relationship between manager Sam Allardyce and the frequently bored fans, with West Ham booed off frequently by their own supporters. The most bizarre came after victory over Hull, which still saw the Hammers booed off. Not even an immaculate streak in February could repair the ex-Bolton manager's reputation.
Star Players: Goalkeeper Adrian swept into the first 11 around the turn of the year and this coincided with an upturn in form, with the Spaniard proving adept in his first Premier League campaign. Mo Diame remains an all-action livewire in the middle of the park as well.
Need To Improve: It would be harsh to say Andy Carroll given he didn't play until January due to injuries, but he still needs to score more goals, and West Ham's other strikers were also frequently unreliable. Modibo Maiga was a crushing disappointment, while midfielder Kevin Nolan's red card rate was equally unhelpful.
Best Moments: A winning streak in February that saw Sam Allardyce pick up manager of the month and begun with a fantastic defensive performance at Chelsea was effectively ensurance of West Ham's Premier League survival. Aside from that, a 3-0 demolition of Spurs at White Hart Lane - one of three victories over their rivals from North London - was also sweet momentos for the Eastenders.
What's Next?: Questions remain over Allardyce's future, and there is no easy answer to the crisis situation in East London. But regardless, a midtable presence is reasonable enough.
Sunderland
Final Position: 14th
Can they be happy with their season?: Amazingly, they can. Things looked bleak on several occasions for the Black Cats, with a run of one point from the opening seven that claimed Paolo di Canio a pathetic start out of the gate. The arrival of Gus Poyet to Wearside did see a double claimed over local rivals Newcastle, and a run to the Capital One Cup Final at Wembley. But things then seemed to run out of steam and relegation inevitable until a superb run that included seven points from both Manchester clubs and Chelsea saw Sunderland secure scarcely-believable survival.
Star Players: While he tailed off near the end, the form of Adam Johnson - not least a superb hat-trick at Fulham in January - helped Sunderland in moments of despair. Loan signing Fabio Borini was also very well used, while as the season near the end, the sudden emergence of Connor Wickham from the shadows and Emannuele Giacherrini from the bench was certainly welcomed.
Need To Improve: Eyebrows were raised when Jozy Altidore arrived considering he had previously flopped while at Hull, and he did little to challenge expectations. The battering ram tactic may have worked for those linking off him, but his lack of scoring was always problematic. Several poor defenders signed by Director of Football and liability Roberto di Fanti were also awful.
Best Moments: Home and away victories over Newcastle in one season for the first time in decades will certainly be sweet nostalgia, and certainly in a fine away win when they played their hosts off the park. Being the first time to beat Jose Mourinho's Chelsea at Stamford Bridge in the Premier League will also be a fine memory, as will winning at Manchester United for the first time since 1968.
What's Next?: Speculation of the future of Gus Poyet will be uncomfortable reading after he did so much to galvanise the Black Cats. But with or without him, there's a sense they could finally be able to go places.
Aston Villa
Final Position: 15th
Can they be happy with their season?: Once again, not really. This has been a passage from hell for Villa supporters, whose team have been in a relegation fight ever since Martin O'Neill's unceremonious departure on the eve of the 2010-11 season. What makes this one more frustrating is good moments such as home victories over Manchester City and Chelsea, and their decent away form, would usually then be followed by unrelentingly awful performances against fellow strugglers that made their season unnecessarily uncomfortable.
Star Players: Fabian Delph has blossomed into a key man in the middle, while the displays of Brad Guzan and Ron Vlaar were superb in keeping the Villains' goal difference down to a respectable level.
Need To Improve: The front-line of Christian Benteke, Gabby Agbonlahor and Andreas Weimann was crucial in 2012-13 but frequently impotent this time around. Benteke's injury problems have not helped - one of many players whose form was compromised by treatment table time - but much better was expected.
Best Moments: Those unexpected home wins over title-chasing Man City and Chelsea stand out like sore thumbs in a season where Villa's home form plumbed new depths. This makes them even sweeter - perhaps moreso the City result, when the visitors dominated the vast majority only for Villa to repel and then vanquish their more decorated foes.
What's Next?: There has been much speculation on the future of owner Randy Lerner and manager Paul Lambert, as the duo have been linked with the exit door. Whether or not they walk through it is a matter for debate, but something has to change drastically or else Villa will fall through the relegation trap door.
Hull City
Final Position: 16th
Can they be happy with their season?: More or less. Survival was the minimum goal and it was duly achieved. It may have helped if they had not done their best to emulate their first Premier League season, where a superb first half was followed by largely awful second, although they got enough wins to stay above the drop line. A trip to Wembley for the FA Cup Final will also be fine memories for those in black and amber, even if they threatened to go under the cartoonish moniker "Hull Tigers" thanks to their owner's weird scheme.
Star Players: Tom Huddlestone has been a superb player in the middle of the park, and has formed a good partnership with Jake Livermore in the middle. Curtis Davies is also providing a cool head in defence, and even has calls to be taken to Brazil later this year.
Need To Improve: After New Year's Day, Hull just sort of lazily drifted down the league. Their defence lost its first-half solidity, while with 4 goals each, their new £16million strikeforce of Shane Long and Nikica Jelavic needs to work on scoring more.
Best Moments: Win, lose or draw, reaching the FA Cup Final will be a milestone for the Tigers. They reached it in style as well, thumping cup specialists Sunderland in the Quarter Finals and then winning out in an 8 goal thriller against a Sheffield United team that had already overcome Aston Villa and Fulham. In the league, a six goal thrashing of the Cottagers was Fulham's best ever league win, while a superb victory over Liverpool will also live long in the memory.
What's Next?: The disappointing downward drift could, in another season, have led to catastrophe, and much has to be done to avoid a fall out of the league next year. There will also need to be significant strengthening to cope with the Europa League - a challenge that Stoke, Newcastle and Swansea have all struggled with in recent seasons.
West Bromwich Albion
Final Position: 17th
Can they be happy with their season?: No, but it could've been worse. After a comfortable 2012-13 season, the dangerous reliance on Romelu Lukaku was exposed by dreadful scoring statistics and equally dreadful defending. The club then descended into soap opera farce, with the club taking a month to replace Steve Clarke before choosing the inexperienced Pepe Mel, along with dressing room bust-ups, obscure anti-Semitic gestures, arguments with their own sponsors and no home form to speak of.
Star Players: Nobody really stood out, although the emergence of Saido Berahino could be a good starting point for future years. He wasn't perfect, but the signs are there he could be a key player for years to come. Ben Foster was also busy but capable, while Morgan Amalfitano did score some good and vital goals, despite being rather inconsistent.
Need To Improve: Poor defending and attack for starters. West Brom had a very leaky defence - most in evidence when they threw away leads to draw with Cardiff and Spurs late on - while their attack never got going. Nicolas Anelka in particular proved a waste of a signing, with poor form evident before the infamous quenelle gesture that effectively ended his career in English football.
Best Moments: The biggest moment that will be fondly remembered was the 2-1 win at Manchester United in September, which was an impressive and (at that stage) unexpected milestone. After that, there was not a lot to shout about, although they did come within a dodgy penalty of beating Chelsea at Stamford Bridge and gave the likes of Liverpool and Arsenal good games. The most vital WBA victory of the whole season was that at Norwich with six games left - had they lost, they would have fallen through the trapdoor.
What's Next?: A lot of speculation indicates Pepe Mel is about to leave West Bromwich Albion to join Spanish side Malaga, but regardless, this has been an awful season in the West Midlands and a significant rethink on and off the field is clearly needed to avoid next season being similarly disastrous.
Norwich City
Final Position: 18th (relegated)
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely not. Far too often, Chris Hughton's defensively-minded football left Norwich with an invisible attack that wasted their expensive summer transfers. While Norwich would get the odd result to keep them above water, many poor performances - most notably a 7-0 demolition at Manchester City - left fans with no faith. With five games to go, the board ran out of faith as well, and youth team coach Neil Adams had the unenviable task of trying to keep them up. He failed, and one thinks that if Norwich had that little faith in Hughton, they would have had a better chance if he'd been dispensed with sooner or kept outright.
Star Players: While a sarcastic fan campaign attempted to make the unused 3rd choice keeper Carlo Nash player of the year, the busy Robert Snodgrass was frequently Norwich's dangerman. His swerving free-kick was always a menace for opposing goalkeepers and he is also a busy outlet. Nathan Redmond also proved a handy livewire, although his underusage was hardly helpful to the Canaries' cause.
Need To Improve: Norwich's biggest problems came from boardroom level, who sanctioned a multi-million spending spree on duds and then dithered far too long for sacking a manager they clearly did not back. Up front, there were also significant problems. Ricky van Wolfswinkel, who scored one opening day goal after his £8.5million move from Sporting Lisbon, was hardly a capable replacement for Grant Holt, while Johan Elmander was also dreadful, and Gary Hooper's poor form after January also cost Norwich dearly.
Best Moments: The single best moment was a superb volley from Alex Tettey during a victory over Sunderland that had seemed to get Norwich over the line at the start of April. As for results, a post-Christmas unbeaten run at home was also good, but ultimately futile.
What's Next?: A rebuild is going to have to happen. The big expensive players lured in the summer are all reportedly looking for new clubs, and a new manager is also needed, although former Canaries favourite Adams wouldn't be the worst favourite, and the new squad most also battle for promotion. Six points against Anglian rivals Ipswich would also be welcomed.
Fulham
Final Position: 19th (relegated)
Can they be happy with their season?: Not at all. For a team usually associated with tranquil midtable mediocrity, this was a bizarre hurricanse as they were the only team bold or stupid enough to sack two managers. They also used more players than anyone else and had possibly the decade's most useless defence after 83 concessions. Neither Martin Jol, Rene Meulensteen or Felix Magath could fashion a winning formula, and ultimately survival proved unattainable.
Star Players: After joining on loan in January, Lewis Holtby proved a very good creator for the West Londoners and Spurs can do no worse than play him more often next season. Askhan Dejagah also looks like a capable Premier League player in the making, although he didn't get much leeway in a team that was incapable for the vast majority of the season.
Need To Improve: Anyone who has played at least one game in defence for Fulham has had a nightmare. The team had the worst defence of anyone in the top 4 tiers of English football, and seemed to surpass themselves each week with outlandishly incompetent goal concessions. The arrival of Felix Magath did at least strengthen that area of their game, albeit not by much.
Best Moments: Very much few and far between are any remotely good moments. Patjim Kasami's out of this world strike in an early season victory away at Crystal Palace will certainly be remembered for years to come, while there was brief hope when the Cottagers managed a fine one-two victory over Villa and Norwich. Otherwise, not a lot went right.
What's Next?: Fulham are still in a squad rebuild and as much as further rebuilds may cause similar inconsistency to that of their West London neighbours QPR, they will have to move quickly to give them a chance of an instant return.
Cardiff City
Final Position: 20th (relegated)
Can they be happy with their season?: Unfortunately not. Their first top flight season in 51 years ended in the heartache of relegation after an almost calamitous interlude in December and continually poor away form cost them dear. Its debatable if former manager Malky Mackay would've followed up promotion with survival, but the contempt he was shown by Vincent Tan was ludicrous, and appointing Ole Gunnar Solskjaer for his first managerial job outside Norway proved a gamble too far.
Star Players: David Marshall was the busiest of any goalkeeper in the 2013-14 season, and were it not for dozens of crucial stops, Cardiff could have suffered many heavy defeats. The Scottish keeper is certainly a player that looks right at home in the Premier League. Despite Cardiff's porous defence, Steven Caulker also looks a talent and will also likely find a new team in the summer.
Need To Improve: Aside from inconsistent team selections and bad transfers, the main thing that cost Cardiff was their attack. Fraizier Campbell and Jordan Mutch gave it the best go, but they didn't get a many as was hoped, while the likes of Peter Odemwingie, Kenwyne Jones, Craig Bellamy, Wilfried Zaha and in particular the useless Andreas Cornelius all failed. Chairman Tan also needs to calm down the eccentricities for next year.
Best Moments: Their opening Premier League home game will always be a moment to savour, as they secured unlikely victory over Manchester City. A home victory over South Wales rivals Swansea City in the first all-Welsh top-flight fixture will also be something the natives savour. Solskjaer's highs largely came in the FA Cup, but the writing was on the wall after a failure to build on victory over Fulham in mid-March.
What's Next?: Rebuilding is the must for Cardiff City, as a number of big players will depart. Having worked so hard to reach the top division, Cardiff will hope to act quickly and get back as soon as they can.
The final day results may not have been providing the final day twists and turns the broadcasters desired, but this has been an entertaining and compelling season overall, with plenty of twists, turns and utterly insane characters along the way. It has been a much more exciting season than the sterile 2012-13 campaign, where everything was effectively done by mid February, and some unexpected success stories will always be remembered.
In three months time, 3 new teams will join the other 17 to duke it out all over again, and with any luck, the excitement levels will once again provide to the levels desired from our football.
Until then, of course, tying ups like the Champions League final and the play-off finals will still occur, and of course there will be the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. But after that, bring on the next year.
A variety of football of excellent and shambolic natures thrilled audiences across the nation over the past year and every team has their own story to tell.
As we await to see which one of Derby, QPR and Wigan will join Leicester City and Burnley in rising to the top tier next season, and the little matter of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil later this summer, its time to reflect on the season and what it meant for the teams involved.
Manchester City
Final Position: 1st (Premier League champions 2013-14)
Can they be happy with their season?: They did in the end. For the first 2/3rds of the season, City blew teams away in an attacking hurricane, with goals coming from seemingly everywhere. Then the train began falling off the rails, as the goals began to dried up and City's performances suffered accordingly. What looked like a history-setting quadruple soon became just a Capital One Cup, while all momentum was lost. But then results flew their way and the high-scoring Citizens soon poked ahead in one of the tightest Premier League races ever when it really counted.
Star Players: Yaya Toure was once again a powerful beast tearing up the middle of the park. Sergio Aguero and Alvaro Negredo were explosive in the first half of the campaign, but injuries affected the former and the latter lost his scoring touch. Edin Dzeko did do well at the end as well to keep up the goals, while summer signing Fernandinho was also very impressive.
Need To Improve: Stefan Jovetic had an injury hit campaign and looks like he still needs time to adjust to English football as a result. Micah Richards and Joleon Lescott seem to have fallen out of favour for good, while Martin Demichelis was unconvincing for a while, although he was significantly better as the season progressed.
Best Moments: Some of City's early season attacking was a joy to behold. Their heavy leatherings of Manchester United and Arsenal proved big games don't require attacking restraint, while maulings of Norwich and Fulham included some astonishing goals.
What's Next?: Not blowing the championship so easily like they did in 2012-13 is a primary must. Equally important will be finally making progress in the UEFA Champions League.
Liverpool
Final Position: 2nd
Can they be happy with their season?: Yes and no. Liverpool's changing expectation were interesting. Initially the club would have been happy with a return to the Champions League, and for most of the season, they were on course for this. But when the business end arrived, the team tore up the Premier League with one of the division's longest ever winning streaks and it looked like the title wait was about to end. Then came Steven Gerrard's slip against Chelsea, and throwing away a 3 goal advantage at Crystal Palace. So they surpassed their initial expectation, but agonisingly failed to win the big prize.
Star Players: Luis Suarez may have started the campaign on the sidelines for cannibalism-related transgressions and had episodes of no form and injury. But a 30-goal+ league season is proof he is among the top players in the world - a position strengthened by some spectacular strikes he notched up.
Need To Improve: Part of the reason this season has been exciting is that so many teams have lost interest in the concept of defending, and Liverpool proved no exception. Quite often, their defence was lamentable, be it frequent Kolo Toure errors, Martin Skrtel using wrestling to stop opponents and Glen Johnson and Jose Enrique helping the Liverpool cause more when they were out of the team.
Best Moments: At the start of the season it looked like the outlandish Luis Suarez goalscoring spree was the highlights, as the Uruguayan scored some amazing goals. But then came some superb displays, such as the systematic destruction of Manchester United at Old Trafford and an emotionally-charged victory over Manchester City in a sensational game at Anfield.
What's Next?: The team needs to secure its defenders up if its to challenge for another title, or solidify a top 4 slot.
Chelsea
Final Position: 3rd
Can they be happy with their season?: It's tricky to know. Chelsea fans both seemed to expect and not to expect to win the league, and ultimately they came so close to it. They were so good against their rivals, picking up 16 points against the rest of the top 4. They were less adept against the other teams, and dropped points against the likes of West Brom, Norwich, Stoke, Newcastle, Sunderland and Crystal Palace were problematic.
Star Players: Eden Hazard has taken the creator role Mourinho stripped from Juan Mata with aplomb. The Belgian has scored some good goals and also had a fluid understanding with his attacking colleagues.
Need To Improve: Chelsea's forward line was once again found wanting. Fernando Torres was once again hopeless, Demba Ba struggled to get into the line-up and Samuel Eto'o did at least score a double-digit number of goals, but was a hopeless passenger away. A lack of a regularly scoring striker probably cost Chelsea the chance of winning trophies.
Best Moments: Chelsea's football earned criticism for its failure to entertain, but their form in the big games was superb. They were effortless in being the first team to sink Manchester City at the Etihad and were superb in sinking Liverpool with a largely B-team.
What's Next?: This was a season of transition and it seems likely Roman Abramovich is not going to dispense with Mourinho after a trophyless season, which is something the likes of Carlo Ancelotti and Avram Grant can only look at with envious eyes.
Arsenal
Final Position: 4th
Can they be happy with their season?: Its a tricky one to know. If the Gunners faithful had started the season knowing they would end it in the top 4 and with a very winnable FA Cup Final, they would probably have taken that. But for most of the season, Arsenal had been in the title race, and even led the way for 128 days, only for catastrophic pastings away at Man City, Liverpool and Chelsea to knock them from their stride, and a further pasting at Everton to put their top 4 place in jeopardy. So although they got the minimum goal, it would have been painful to come so close to something greater.
Star Players: Aaron Ramsey had spent most of last season as the fans' favourite scapegoat, so his turn as key cog and main goalscorer was unexpected. It says a lot Arsenal's worst form came with his injury struggles. Olivier Giroud also impressed, and there is hints he could finally be a 20-a-year goalscorer, although the lack of back-up is a problem.
Need To Improve: For a club-record £42million, big things were expected of Mesut Ozil. To a degree, he did produce, but Arsenal fans felt disappointed with him at times, although his late season form shows he is beginning to adjust. Santi Cazorla was also underwhelming after a good first campaign in England.
Best Moments: Most of the first half of the season will live sweeter, as a team that nobody gave a hope of the title led the way. They also scored some immaculate goals that will delight the football purists.
What's Next?: Having proven they can keep themselves in a title race, the task that must now be attempted and has previously proved elusive is actually making sure they can last the distance.
Everton
Final Position: 5th
Can they be happy with their season?: They can be, but can also dream of how it could've been more. Nobody believed Everton could, as hoped for challenge for Champions League, but Roberto Martinez hit the ground running. In the end, top 4 proved beyond them, but they did certainly do very well to come close to it. Finishing above old manager David Moyes and his Manchester United misfits will also prove to be exceedingly sweet satisfaction for the Toffees crowd.
Star Players: Romelu Lukaku had proved to be good out on loan at West Brom the previous year, but this impressive stint was further proof of his striking abilities. Full-back Seamus Coleman was also a key cog, while a midfield trio of James McCarthy, Gareth Barry and the outstanding Ross Barkley was a superb fluid centre to the Everton side.
Need To Improve: The majority of players have been very good for the Toffees, although there were some mild quibbles from the odd time to time. Arouna Kone sticks out as poor due to him spending most of the campaign injured after a £6milion move.
Best Moments: Everton fans stung by ex-manager Moyes' defection will be very pleased by a home and away double over their former leader, including a first win at Old Trafford since the 1990's. A superb 3-0 demolition of Arsenal was also fantastic and momentarily seemed to indicate their top 4 assault would be total.
What's Next?: Retaining the loan stars will be a challenge, but not an impossible. The aspiration is to try and make top 4, and with the right signings, maybe they will.
Tottenham Hotspur
Final Position: 6th
Can they be happy with their season?: Not really. One pundit had said that replacing world record transfer Gareth Bale with £120million worth of talent was "like replacing Elvis with The Beatles." In reality, they sold Elvis and got Scouting for Girls. The haphazard approach to signings led to poor performances that claimed Andre Villas-Boas and will most likely also claim Tim Sherwood, and points to yet more distinctly absurd behaviour in this corner of North London.
Star Players: Christian Eriksen has proven to be a very nifty acquisition, and his eye from a dead-ball is also magnificent. Since returning from an AVB-imposed exile, Emmanuel Adebayor has also been a very prolific presence, while at the other end, Hugo Lloris was an expert goalkeeper and without him, Spurs would have been come nowhere near 60-odd points.
Need To Improve: Big things were expected of Roberto Soldado and its safe to say big things were not delivered. While he may have been frequently out of position and not helped by awful service, at some stage, it's safe to say it looked like things would never work. Club record-signing Erik Lamela was also a crushing disappointment, although spending the entire second half of the season knacked didn't help.
Best Moments: Most of Spurs' good encounters were Europa League matches, but aside from a brief run at the top 4, Spurs' league form was largely underwhelming even in victory. A 4-0 mauling of Newcastle was Spurs' biggest win of the campaign and two thrilling 3-2 victories over Southampton were entertaining, but that by and large was about it.
What's Next?: Its almost certain Tim Sherwood will not be around in the Spurs dugout next season, and much change is also likely among the players. After that, Spurs have to settle down or else this "so near" mantra will continue.
Manchester United
Final Position: 7th
Can they be happy with their season?: No. In what is possibly the biggest regressions of champions in England in decades, David Moyes kicked-off the first campaign of the post-Ferguson campaign with a whimper. The racking up of poor milestones was endless - lowest Premier League-era finish and points tally, failure to reach Champions League for the first time since it was one team per nation, beaten twice by Manchester City, Liverpool and Everton, first home defeats in generations to West Brom and Newcastle, first ever home defeat to Swansea... it feels almost churlish to carry on. Not even Ryan Giggs could stop the rot as a temporary manager.
Star Players: Wayne Rooney once again was the highlight of the Red Devils, and at times, it felt like he was trying to win games on his own. Youngster Adnan Januzaj also emerged this season, and he will most definitely be a future star for the 20-times champions of England.
Need To Improve: Where to start... the Red Devils were pathetic in almost every department apart from in goal. A ponderous, slow and useless defence allied to a weak centre midfield and, Rooney aside, a poor front line means the players have to share responsibility for the failings. Moyes also struggled, and things have to change under the new manager.
Best Moments: Victory over Olympiakos at Old Trafford to come back and seal Champions League progression was probably the best the Red Devils could conjure, while the 21 seconds they led Bayern Munich in the same competition was also a sweet, if quickly extinguished, moment.
What's Next?: It is almost certain Louis van Gaal will run to Old Trafford as soon as the Netherlands World Cup interest expires. A squad revamp is also likely, with defence and midfield needing extensive renovation. After that, who knows.
Southampton
Final Position: 8th
Can they be happy with their season?: They can, more or less. This is the highest placing Southampton have managed in over 10 years, along with a record points total, and a number of young England talents have dazzled the Premier League. But its also true that their season fizzled out after November, with the team taking 4 months to win as many as they had done in their first 11 games.
Star Players: Skipper Adam Lallana looks set to be in the England squad for this summer's World Cup, and justified his leap into Roy Hodgson's plans with some impressive play-dictating performances. It helped he was able to link up with Jay Rodriguez, who will miss the tournament through injury - much to the detriment of the national squad.
Need To Improve: The big turkey has been Dani Osvaldo, who joined for a record fee, scored 3 goals, had fights with opposition coaches and his own players, and was sent out on loan. But considering he cost £12million, Victor Wanayama has not proved value for money. It speaks volumes that the Saints tend to play better with him out of the squad.
Best Moments: Being one of only two teams to win at Anfield in the Premier League is a very impressive milestone, while some scintillating football - not least in the impressive demolition of Hull in November - did provide their fans with plenty of entertainment.
What's Next?: Keeping onto the manager and their big young talents like Lallana, Rodriguez and Luke Shaw is a must, but the vultures are certainly circling. If they can improve their squad with actually capable additions, then maybe a challenge for Europe via the league is not beyond them.
Stoke City
Final Position: 9th
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely. Stoke's highest Premier League finish and points total was certainly not forecast by main pundits that saw Mark Hughes' arrival as a sign of their doom. But after a stuttery beginning, a superb run of form took Stoke to their highest league placing since rising into the top flight in 2008, as well a highest points total. Considering Mark Hughes was a widely questioned appointment when made last year, he has done very well to assemble a good side and overcome the doubt.
Star Players: Asmir Begovic remains one of the Premier League's best goalkeepers, and is an outlandishly talented man. January signing Peter Odemwingie has also recaptured some of the spark of his early West Brom days in attack, while loanee Ousama Assaidi looks a lively wing presence, and Marko Arnautovic has belied his bad boy reputation to be a lively attacking force.
Need To Improve: Stoke's defensive solidity hasn't been thrown away with the new attacking craft, with their primary issues affecting the Potters occurring with squad players. Jermaine Pennant was underwhelming, while Kenwyne Jones' departure for Cardiff was hardly one to lament - not least given his form in South Wales.
Best Moments: Fine victories over Chelsea and Manchester United will stick around in the memory for generations, but there was some last-season delights for Potters fans. Chief among them was a superb trouncing of Aston Villa, while victory over Fulham was also impressive.
What's Next?: Building on this success. Stoke has a squad with the starting point for top 10 football, and a crisper overall squad will certainly jettison their momentum further skywards.
Newcastle United
Final Position: 10th
Can they be happy with their season?: They can with half of it. Until Christmas, Newcastle were onto a good year, with a first win at Old Trafford in 42 years among the highlights as the club sat within range of the top 4 race. But then the wheels fell off, with the departure of Yohan Cabaye and injuries and suspensions to Loic Remy saw the team lose its attack at the same time the defence begun to concede with embarrassing regularity. While much better than a 16th-placed finish the previous year, 2013-14 will be seen as a missed opportunity to do better.
Star Players: Loic Remy was an impressive menace throughout the season, with many crucial goals and assists. Replacing or perhaps keeping him is a must. Despite his mid-season departure, Cabaye also proved to be a key player, and one that was not adequately replaced.
Need To Improve: Once again, Alan Pardew has arguably cost Newcastle a better placing, with some baffling team and tactical selection. This is before his infamous head-nudge at Hull, and fans are beginning to think he should leave. In terms of players, the majority showed an alarming lack of performance after January, while the likes of Shola Ameobi and Papiss Cisse never really got going in the first place.
Best Moments: A four game winning streak in November was a highlight, with superb victories over Chelsea and Spurs the high points of this purple patch. A first away win at Manchester United since 1972 will also be very fondly remembered.
What's Next?: Avoiding the fall of West Bromwich Albion from drifting in the top 10 to relegation contenders is a must, and to do that, a lot of players have to be acquired. A top 10 finish is certainly progress on 2012-13, but next season already looks like a problem, with the boardroom seemingly blinded to the potential of pratfalls.
Crystal Palace
Final Position: 11th
Can they be happy with their season?: They sure can - even more so after the bleak start. An opening of one win from 8 left Palace rooted to bottom and seemingly nailed on for an instant return. But the decision for Tony Pulis to replace Ian Holloway proved to be a masterstroke, with a tighter defence and superb home form taking them away from danger, which in turn ensures Palace make it to 2 consecutive top flight campaigns for the first time since their 1989-93 stint.
Star Players: Having been cast-off by Southampton, Jason Puncheon proved an unlikely hero, with the journeyman winger scoring many crucial goals to secure safety. At the other end, Julian Speroni had a busy campaign, but was a very sturdy presence and made a number of vital but impressive stops.
Need To Improve: If there's any part that did need improving, Palace's strikeforce is it. Glenn Murray's struggle with injuries meant he took too long to get going, while Cameron Jerome and Marouane Chamakh did provide good work rate and effort in leading the line but need to score more goals.
Best Moments: A five game winning streak that confirmed safety saw Pulis' reputation as producing a team of cloggers belied by some impressive tactical work. A surprise victory over Chelsea and a thumping victory away at Cardiff City were the pick of the bunch, while recovering from 3-0 down to hold Liverpool was also hugely impressive.
What's Next?: Palace have done well to defy the odds and maintain their top flight status, but now the task is on ensuring the place remains theirs. Pulis is certainly the man to assemble a consistent top 10 squad and he is likely to be given a decent budget to do so.
Swansea City
Final Position: 12th
Can they be happy with their season?: For the first time in a long time, cracks seemed to appear in this corner of South Wales and manager Michael Laudrup was eventually claimed by them after a wave of poor form. The appointment of former captain Gary Monk was a gamble, and only three wins to end of the campaign means the jury is out, but he did at least show enough to hint he might grow into management.
Star Players: Wilfried Bony took some time to settle, but his maiden season in England has proved successful. For a struggling team, scoring 20+ goals in all competitions is no mean feat, and he now looks like the kind of quick but physical presence perfect for top-flight line leading.
Need To Improve: After his heroics the year before, Michu had an awful season. No goals after September was an awful return for a player that was so ferocious in his first season in the Premier League.
Best Moments: No Capital One Cup-style run this year for the Swans, but their European adventure did produce some delights. The biggest of them was a scarcely believable demolition of Spanish giants Valencia in Spain - a result that ranks as one of the biggest and most unexpected results of the season.
What's Next?: Avoiding a reprise of a relegation dogfight is a must. Giving Gary Monk the full-time gig - he signed a three year deal last week - does remove the anxiety on manager positions, but this remains a gamble and he has to hit the ground running next season.
West Ham United
Final Position: 13th
Can they be happy with their season?: Despite comfortable survival, not really. There's a sense of an uneasy relationship between manager Sam Allardyce and the frequently bored fans, with West Ham booed off frequently by their own supporters. The most bizarre came after victory over Hull, which still saw the Hammers booed off. Not even an immaculate streak in February could repair the ex-Bolton manager's reputation.
Star Players: Goalkeeper Adrian swept into the first 11 around the turn of the year and this coincided with an upturn in form, with the Spaniard proving adept in his first Premier League campaign. Mo Diame remains an all-action livewire in the middle of the park as well.
Need To Improve: It would be harsh to say Andy Carroll given he didn't play until January due to injuries, but he still needs to score more goals, and West Ham's other strikers were also frequently unreliable. Modibo Maiga was a crushing disappointment, while midfielder Kevin Nolan's red card rate was equally unhelpful.
Best Moments: A winning streak in February that saw Sam Allardyce pick up manager of the month and begun with a fantastic defensive performance at Chelsea was effectively ensurance of West Ham's Premier League survival. Aside from that, a 3-0 demolition of Spurs at White Hart Lane - one of three victories over their rivals from North London - was also sweet momentos for the Eastenders.
What's Next?: Questions remain over Allardyce's future, and there is no easy answer to the crisis situation in East London. But regardless, a midtable presence is reasonable enough.
Sunderland
Final Position: 14th
Can they be happy with their season?: Amazingly, they can. Things looked bleak on several occasions for the Black Cats, with a run of one point from the opening seven that claimed Paolo di Canio a pathetic start out of the gate. The arrival of Gus Poyet to Wearside did see a double claimed over local rivals Newcastle, and a run to the Capital One Cup Final at Wembley. But things then seemed to run out of steam and relegation inevitable until a superb run that included seven points from both Manchester clubs and Chelsea saw Sunderland secure scarcely-believable survival.
Star Players: While he tailed off near the end, the form of Adam Johnson - not least a superb hat-trick at Fulham in January - helped Sunderland in moments of despair. Loan signing Fabio Borini was also very well used, while as the season near the end, the sudden emergence of Connor Wickham from the shadows and Emannuele Giacherrini from the bench was certainly welcomed.
Need To Improve: Eyebrows were raised when Jozy Altidore arrived considering he had previously flopped while at Hull, and he did little to challenge expectations. The battering ram tactic may have worked for those linking off him, but his lack of scoring was always problematic. Several poor defenders signed by Director of Football and liability Roberto di Fanti were also awful.
Best Moments: Home and away victories over Newcastle in one season for the first time in decades will certainly be sweet nostalgia, and certainly in a fine away win when they played their hosts off the park. Being the first time to beat Jose Mourinho's Chelsea at Stamford Bridge in the Premier League will also be a fine memory, as will winning at Manchester United for the first time since 1968.
What's Next?: Speculation of the future of Gus Poyet will be uncomfortable reading after he did so much to galvanise the Black Cats. But with or without him, there's a sense they could finally be able to go places.
Aston Villa
Final Position: 15th
Can they be happy with their season?: Once again, not really. This has been a passage from hell for Villa supporters, whose team have been in a relegation fight ever since Martin O'Neill's unceremonious departure on the eve of the 2010-11 season. What makes this one more frustrating is good moments such as home victories over Manchester City and Chelsea, and their decent away form, would usually then be followed by unrelentingly awful performances against fellow strugglers that made their season unnecessarily uncomfortable.
Star Players: Fabian Delph has blossomed into a key man in the middle, while the displays of Brad Guzan and Ron Vlaar were superb in keeping the Villains' goal difference down to a respectable level.
Need To Improve: The front-line of Christian Benteke, Gabby Agbonlahor and Andreas Weimann was crucial in 2012-13 but frequently impotent this time around. Benteke's injury problems have not helped - one of many players whose form was compromised by treatment table time - but much better was expected.
Best Moments: Those unexpected home wins over title-chasing Man City and Chelsea stand out like sore thumbs in a season where Villa's home form plumbed new depths. This makes them even sweeter - perhaps moreso the City result, when the visitors dominated the vast majority only for Villa to repel and then vanquish their more decorated foes.
What's Next?: There has been much speculation on the future of owner Randy Lerner and manager Paul Lambert, as the duo have been linked with the exit door. Whether or not they walk through it is a matter for debate, but something has to change drastically or else Villa will fall through the relegation trap door.
Hull City
Final Position: 16th
Can they be happy with their season?: More or less. Survival was the minimum goal and it was duly achieved. It may have helped if they had not done their best to emulate their first Premier League season, where a superb first half was followed by largely awful second, although they got enough wins to stay above the drop line. A trip to Wembley for the FA Cup Final will also be fine memories for those in black and amber, even if they threatened to go under the cartoonish moniker "Hull Tigers" thanks to their owner's weird scheme.
Star Players: Tom Huddlestone has been a superb player in the middle of the park, and has formed a good partnership with Jake Livermore in the middle. Curtis Davies is also providing a cool head in defence, and even has calls to be taken to Brazil later this year.
Need To Improve: After New Year's Day, Hull just sort of lazily drifted down the league. Their defence lost its first-half solidity, while with 4 goals each, their new £16million strikeforce of Shane Long and Nikica Jelavic needs to work on scoring more.
Best Moments: Win, lose or draw, reaching the FA Cup Final will be a milestone for the Tigers. They reached it in style as well, thumping cup specialists Sunderland in the Quarter Finals and then winning out in an 8 goal thriller against a Sheffield United team that had already overcome Aston Villa and Fulham. In the league, a six goal thrashing of the Cottagers was Fulham's best ever league win, while a superb victory over Liverpool will also live long in the memory.
What's Next?: The disappointing downward drift could, in another season, have led to catastrophe, and much has to be done to avoid a fall out of the league next year. There will also need to be significant strengthening to cope with the Europa League - a challenge that Stoke, Newcastle and Swansea have all struggled with in recent seasons.
West Bromwich Albion
Final Position: 17th
Can they be happy with their season?: No, but it could've been worse. After a comfortable 2012-13 season, the dangerous reliance on Romelu Lukaku was exposed by dreadful scoring statistics and equally dreadful defending. The club then descended into soap opera farce, with the club taking a month to replace Steve Clarke before choosing the inexperienced Pepe Mel, along with dressing room bust-ups, obscure anti-Semitic gestures, arguments with their own sponsors and no home form to speak of.
Star Players: Nobody really stood out, although the emergence of Saido Berahino could be a good starting point for future years. He wasn't perfect, but the signs are there he could be a key player for years to come. Ben Foster was also busy but capable, while Morgan Amalfitano did score some good and vital goals, despite being rather inconsistent.
Need To Improve: Poor defending and attack for starters. West Brom had a very leaky defence - most in evidence when they threw away leads to draw with Cardiff and Spurs late on - while their attack never got going. Nicolas Anelka in particular proved a waste of a signing, with poor form evident before the infamous quenelle gesture that effectively ended his career in English football.
Best Moments: The biggest moment that will be fondly remembered was the 2-1 win at Manchester United in September, which was an impressive and (at that stage) unexpected milestone. After that, there was not a lot to shout about, although they did come within a dodgy penalty of beating Chelsea at Stamford Bridge and gave the likes of Liverpool and Arsenal good games. The most vital WBA victory of the whole season was that at Norwich with six games left - had they lost, they would have fallen through the trapdoor.
What's Next?: A lot of speculation indicates Pepe Mel is about to leave West Bromwich Albion to join Spanish side Malaga, but regardless, this has been an awful season in the West Midlands and a significant rethink on and off the field is clearly needed to avoid next season being similarly disastrous.
Norwich City
Final Position: 18th (relegated)
Can they be happy with their season?: Absolutely not. Far too often, Chris Hughton's defensively-minded football left Norwich with an invisible attack that wasted their expensive summer transfers. While Norwich would get the odd result to keep them above water, many poor performances - most notably a 7-0 demolition at Manchester City - left fans with no faith. With five games to go, the board ran out of faith as well, and youth team coach Neil Adams had the unenviable task of trying to keep them up. He failed, and one thinks that if Norwich had that little faith in Hughton, they would have had a better chance if he'd been dispensed with sooner or kept outright.
Star Players: While a sarcastic fan campaign attempted to make the unused 3rd choice keeper Carlo Nash player of the year, the busy Robert Snodgrass was frequently Norwich's dangerman. His swerving free-kick was always a menace for opposing goalkeepers and he is also a busy outlet. Nathan Redmond also proved a handy livewire, although his underusage was hardly helpful to the Canaries' cause.
Need To Improve: Norwich's biggest problems came from boardroom level, who sanctioned a multi-million spending spree on duds and then dithered far too long for sacking a manager they clearly did not back. Up front, there were also significant problems. Ricky van Wolfswinkel, who scored one opening day goal after his £8.5million move from Sporting Lisbon, was hardly a capable replacement for Grant Holt, while Johan Elmander was also dreadful, and Gary Hooper's poor form after January also cost Norwich dearly.
Best Moments: The single best moment was a superb volley from Alex Tettey during a victory over Sunderland that had seemed to get Norwich over the line at the start of April. As for results, a post-Christmas unbeaten run at home was also good, but ultimately futile.
What's Next?: A rebuild is going to have to happen. The big expensive players lured in the summer are all reportedly looking for new clubs, and a new manager is also needed, although former Canaries favourite Adams wouldn't be the worst favourite, and the new squad most also battle for promotion. Six points against Anglian rivals Ipswich would also be welcomed.
Fulham
Final Position: 19th (relegated)
Can they be happy with their season?: Not at all. For a team usually associated with tranquil midtable mediocrity, this was a bizarre hurricanse as they were the only team bold or stupid enough to sack two managers. They also used more players than anyone else and had possibly the decade's most useless defence after 83 concessions. Neither Martin Jol, Rene Meulensteen or Felix Magath could fashion a winning formula, and ultimately survival proved unattainable.
Star Players: After joining on loan in January, Lewis Holtby proved a very good creator for the West Londoners and Spurs can do no worse than play him more often next season. Askhan Dejagah also looks like a capable Premier League player in the making, although he didn't get much leeway in a team that was incapable for the vast majority of the season.
Need To Improve: Anyone who has played at least one game in defence for Fulham has had a nightmare. The team had the worst defence of anyone in the top 4 tiers of English football, and seemed to surpass themselves each week with outlandishly incompetent goal concessions. The arrival of Felix Magath did at least strengthen that area of their game, albeit not by much.
Best Moments: Very much few and far between are any remotely good moments. Patjim Kasami's out of this world strike in an early season victory away at Crystal Palace will certainly be remembered for years to come, while there was brief hope when the Cottagers managed a fine one-two victory over Villa and Norwich. Otherwise, not a lot went right.
What's Next?: Fulham are still in a squad rebuild and as much as further rebuilds may cause similar inconsistency to that of their West London neighbours QPR, they will have to move quickly to give them a chance of an instant return.
Cardiff City
Final Position: 20th (relegated)
Can they be happy with their season?: Unfortunately not. Their first top flight season in 51 years ended in the heartache of relegation after an almost calamitous interlude in December and continually poor away form cost them dear. Its debatable if former manager Malky Mackay would've followed up promotion with survival, but the contempt he was shown by Vincent Tan was ludicrous, and appointing Ole Gunnar Solskjaer for his first managerial job outside Norway proved a gamble too far.
Star Players: David Marshall was the busiest of any goalkeeper in the 2013-14 season, and were it not for dozens of crucial stops, Cardiff could have suffered many heavy defeats. The Scottish keeper is certainly a player that looks right at home in the Premier League. Despite Cardiff's porous defence, Steven Caulker also looks a talent and will also likely find a new team in the summer.
Need To Improve: Aside from inconsistent team selections and bad transfers, the main thing that cost Cardiff was their attack. Fraizier Campbell and Jordan Mutch gave it the best go, but they didn't get a many as was hoped, while the likes of Peter Odemwingie, Kenwyne Jones, Craig Bellamy, Wilfried Zaha and in particular the useless Andreas Cornelius all failed. Chairman Tan also needs to calm down the eccentricities for next year.
Best Moments: Their opening Premier League home game will always be a moment to savour, as they secured unlikely victory over Manchester City. A home victory over South Wales rivals Swansea City in the first all-Welsh top-flight fixture will also be something the natives savour. Solskjaer's highs largely came in the FA Cup, but the writing was on the wall after a failure to build on victory over Fulham in mid-March.
What's Next?: Rebuilding is the must for Cardiff City, as a number of big players will depart. Having worked so hard to reach the top division, Cardiff will hope to act quickly and get back as soon as they can.
The final day results may not have been providing the final day twists and turns the broadcasters desired, but this has been an entertaining and compelling season overall, with plenty of twists, turns and utterly insane characters along the way. It has been a much more exciting season than the sterile 2012-13 campaign, where everything was effectively done by mid February, and some unexpected success stories will always be remembered.
In three months time, 3 new teams will join the other 17 to duke it out all over again, and with any luck, the excitement levels will once again provide to the levels desired from our football.
Until then, of course, tying ups like the Champions League final and the play-off finals will still occur, and of course there will be the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. But after that, bring on the next year.
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