If there is ever a season that may never make any sense for Newcastle United supporters, 2013-14 is a prime candidate after a year of many confusing interludes.
This was a baffling logic-defying season no matter where you turned, with some of the club's best form in years and the worst form in history awkwardly bolted together in one uneasy package.
The largely positive first half was at least a refreshing antidote to the bleak mood at the start of the campaign. A summer spent showing less activity than a sloth on Nytol yielded one youngster, one loanee and one incompetent Director of Football. A poisonous opening day that saw Manchester City score four, Yohan Cabaye attempt a strike to join Arsenal and Steven Taylor get a ludicrous sending off hardly helped the fans' mood.
Things were inconsistent when they did get going. Well-earned wins over Fulham, Aston Villa and Cardiff, and a superb performance to hold Liverpool to a draw with 10 men, were counterbalanced by awful performances such as in the depressing Tyne-Wear Derby defeat and in a baffling home defeat by Hull City.
When November came, Pardew looked on shaky ground and then something weird happened. Newcastle started winning.
Following a recalibration of tactics and players, the Magpies won seven games in all in November and December to suddenly shoot up the league. Pick of the bunch was a well-rounded team display to see off Chelsea, the one-man barricade by Tim Krul that frustrated Spurs and the sensational performance that deservedly beat Manchester United in their own back yard - the first in 42 years a Newcastle team has beaten England's most hated corporation in its own back yard.
On Boxing Day the team sat 6th in the table within range of the Champions League places and with a similar points total to the 5th place finish campaign of 2011-12.
But at this point, the board seemingly decided the thought of a Europa League spot again meant potentially having to invest, and decided to chicken out. After a pathetic FA Cup exit against strugglers Cardiff, the season was duly perceived to be over already on the first weekend of January.
Seemingly sensing it was not worth his time to remain, Cabaye bailed, with a man of the match display in victory at West Ham in mid-January his final act in black and white stripes before his move to PSG.
After that, things imploded. Thrashings soon became a regular occurrence, along with turgid, apathetic displays and regular fan anger on social media. Pardew then made the bizarre choice to take out his frustrations on a Hull City player during a victory on Humberside, bringing scorn and humiliation to the cause.
This still wasn't the end. The club duly embarked on its single worst stretch of form in history, as the manager credibility duly eroded. Six pathetic defeats in a row were duly endured, and at no time in any of them did Newcastle look like winning a game of football. Hell, they could have played Gateshead and still lost.
It all led to a surreal episode against Cardiff City, where victory relegated the hapless Welsh team but was overshadowed by fan protests that even reach the surreal point of booing Pardew when he got out of his dugout seat.
All in all, when the team rocked up at Anfield on the final day, the final analysis was that Newcastle's season was simply a bizarre rabble full of pleasant and poisonous memories and one of the club's most confusing campaigns in living memory.
Anyway, enough of that. To the end of the season awards:
Player of the Season: Loic Remy. While Yohan Cabaye deserves plaudits as well, Remy stayed the full season. His performances have been fantastic, and he carries an ever-present potent scoring touch to him that nobody else at the club seems to possess.
Most Improved: Cheick Tiote and Mike Williamson. Both were largely dreadful wastes of shirts in 2012-13, but both were refreshed after periods on the sidelines at the start of the campaign, and became reliable pillars during the club's better days.
Worst Player: Luuk de Jong. Signed on the day of Cabaye's departure, the Dutch striker has been unbelievably awful. Considering post-Christmas has seen the likes of Shola Ameobi and Dan Gosling serve up uninspiring form, his consistently awful performances have been a despair to witness.
Most Regressed Player: Hatem Ben Arfa. Who knows what's happened to the bright young talent that first pitched up and scored World Goal of the Year nominees for fun in 2011-12. A toxic combination of injury, weight gain and being the prime target of the "Pardewed" factor has ruined him.
Best Signing: Remy. Not that he had much competition - Oliver Kemen has shown promise in the youth team but is yet to make a first team appearance, while Luuk de Jong has been atrocious.
Team of the Season:
Tim Krul - Mathieu Debuchy, Fabricio Coloccini, Mike Williamson, Paul Dummett - Vurnon Anita, Cheick Tiote - Moussa Sissoko, Yohan Cabaye, Yoann Gouffran - Loic Remy
Best Individual Performance: Tim Krul's one-man blockade of Spurs in November was an incredible display of goalkeeping. In all, the Dutchman made 14 saves - the joint-highest ever in Premier League history - including some truly jaw-dropping "How did he make that?!?" ones that gave Newcastle three points and a clean sheet in North London.
Best Goal: Its a close one between Yohan Cabaye's arrowing thunderbolt against Liverpool and a Moussa Sissoko missile at home to West Bromwich Albion. Both goals were of similar well-placed powerful nature and of equally excellent quality.
Best Game: The sweetest overall performance was the victory over Chelsea, which had a cohesive and concrete team performance holding out many people's bet for English champions with room to spare. This narrowly edges out the win at Manchester United, which will also be fondly remembered.
Best Moment: The celebrations both after Cabaye's winner at Old Trafford and after the final whistle. 42 years of seemingly inevitable maulings in Salford finally ended by an impressive team display to neutralise and then overcome England's biggest club team.
Worst Game: Take your pick. Yet another 3-0 home mauling in the Tyne-Wear Derby, 4-0 maulings at home by a sub-par Spurs and a Moyes-managed Manchester United B-team, an abject humilation at Southampton that should've finished double the eventual 4-0 conclusion... once again, there was plenty of masochistic misery to indulge in.
Worst Moment: The regular crushing feeling whenever Newcastle fell behind. Be it in East Manchester, Liverpool, Wearside, the Black Country, Hampshire, West London, the Potteries, or very frequently on Tyneside, every time Newcastle fell behind felt like the moment any hope of even a point had died.
Manager Musings: Alan Pardew is clearly on strange ground. As per usual, his team selections were frequently confusing, but for a while things looked fine. Then came the loss of the masking factors of Cabaye and Remy, and everything fell apart, while his baffling proclamations served to harm his cause. His moment of stupidity at Hull certainly was also moronic, although that alone wasn't grounds for dismissal. What is grounds for dismissal is serving up some of the clubs worst ever form.
What Does The Team Need?: Everything. Outgoings and uselessness means new full backs, centre backs, central midfielders, wingers and strikers are needed. A new manager is also preferable.
What Will The Team Get?: Nowhere near the quantities required. Maybe three new players on loan and a pair of 16/17 year olds if Mike Ashley is feeling generous.
Next season, either way, will be an interesting challenge for Newcastle. The example not to emulate is West Bromwich Albion, who were heavily reliant on a loan player in 2012-13 in a season that was much better in the first half of the campaign. Their 2013-14 campaign was not a success and on another day, they could've been relegated.
Avoiding this example is a must. Until seeing if we can avoid next season being a disaster, there's the World Cup and plenty of player departure rumours to occupy the summer.
Next year, we'll see how pretty the Magpie picture really looks.
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